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My fiancé, “John,” is 55 and he has a 26-year-old daughter with a former girlfriend who also had a daughter (now 30) from another relationship, both of whom the ex-girlfriend raised. After five years of our being together, I found out that recently John has been FaceTiming, texting, and carrying on conversations with the ex’s 30-year-old daughter on a daily basis. She will text him, calling him “hun,” and he just secretly sent her some money. He never talked about her until I found the messages in his phone. Now he makes a point to delete all their conversations. Every morning I see a text saying “Good morning hun how are you?”. What’s going on? Now I am seeing pics in his phone and he has told me she is his step-daughter, but I haven’t ever heard him talk about her before, and why is she calling him “hun”? — Suspicious Fiancée
She’s not his step-daughter (and if she really is, it’s all even weirder). Come on, now. If he’s having shady contact with a woman he’s never mentioned before – deleting messages, sharing pet names, sending money to her— the context of this relationship is completely suspect, and the red flags are waving fiercely in the wind. 2021 seems like a good time to cut ties with a liar and save yourself likely years of drama and conflict. Move on and be glad you didn’t marry the guy.
My ex-fiancé, whom I was with for eight months, cheated on me with his toxic ex and then dumped me in October 2020. He got engaged to his ex in January 2021 and got married a few days ago. What I don’t understand is why they didn’t get married when they were off-and-on again and only got married when I was in the picture. He had nine years to ask her to be his wife. He and I were supposed to be married in December 2020. It’s like a slap in my face. — Feeling Jilted
They’re addicted to the drama and your presence only fueled it for them, giving oxygen to flames of the inferno of their dumpster fire relationship. I know it hurts, and of course you have reason to feel resentful, but this isn’t about you at all. You were just a piece in their weird chess match – collateral damage, unfortunately. But you dodged a bullet, for sure. Imagine being married to a cheater who’s addicted to his ex and incapable of maintaining a functional relationship. Let yourself grieve the fantasy you had of him and your relationship together and the future you imagined, and then move on, with affirmation you are much better without this guy.