No, you confront your friends and tell them to stop showing you and telling you about these posts. Make sure you’ve blocked your ex and his wife on social media and tell your friends there’s a reason they’re blocked and that you have absolutely zero interest in what they’re posting, even if it indirectly relates to you, and that your friends need to stop updating you. If they won’t stop, they aren’t really your friends and you should block them too.
It would be great if you can be friends with him and NOT actively hope he leaves his ex. Being friends with him — and maybe even his boyfriend — would bring you the start of a community of people like you, which you have lacked thus far. He may even be able to introduce you to other young gay men (one of whom might be an available match for you), but being friends with him solely in hopes that he’ll leave his boyfriend for you will be more damaging than beneficial, leaving you frustrated if it doesn’t happen.
At home, he complains that I don’t pay enough attention to him, but now that he is out of town it’s completely opposite. It seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me at all or that it’s a burden to just call and say good night. We also have argued three times since he has been gone about my being “emotionally manipulative.” He keeps saying I am guilt-tripping him and making him feel bad about being with his friend. I’ve told him over and over that I’m happy he got to go and I just want to hear from him sometimes and for him to say good night, etc.
I am starting to feel it’s all me? Maybe I should just leave him alone entirely and let him enjoy vacation when he goes? Am I being unreasonable/unrealistic about our still having some contact with each other when we are away? I miss him a lot, but I get the feeling it’s not mutual, or am I really guilt-tripping him and not even realizing it? — Am I The Problem?
If, on the first day of your boyfriend’s vacation, he had to tell you that you are contacting him too much, and then he proceeded to argue with you three different times about your being “emotionally manipulative,” I have to assume this is more than your wanting a simple good-night from him at the end of the day and that you probably have different ideas of what “some contact while he’s away” actually means. It’s only nine days and it sounds like the vacation is already at least half over, so, yeah: back off and let him enjoy the rest of it in peace. If he contacts you, great. And if not, you’ll hear from him when he gets back. Honestly, if you can’t go a day or two without hearing from your boyfriend and making it into some big emotional thing, then, yeah, the problem IS you and you need to fix it.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.