Wait – what? Your mom thinks you should charge your boyfriend for sex because he isn’t “helping” you? Helping you with what? You haven’t even moved into your own home yet. Your mother thinks, when you do, that if your boyfriend isn’t paying rent or chipping in for bills, you should charge him for sex when he comes over? That’s called prostitution and my advice is that, if you have to resort to that to make ends meet, then you should probably get a roommate (not your boyfriend).
As for letting your boyfriend sleep over or not: I don’t know why a person has to be helping you pay the bills in order to sleep over once a week or so. And I don’t know why your getting your own place would change whether you stay at your boyfriend’s family’s place, unless you don’t want to (which is totally understandable). If you don’t want to, then don’t. And if you don’t want to be with a guy who’s 24 and still lives at home and doesn’t seem to have any motivation or intention of moving out and living like an adult, maybe break up and move on. You can’t change your guy. You can’t make him who you want him to be, so, if you can’t accept him as he is now, MOA.
I’m 22 and in love with my 23-year-old boyfriend. He was my best friend for five years and then one night we kissed during a drunk New Year’s party and it was magic; I knew I wanted him all to myself. However, it didn’t work out that way. I moved to another country, and after about 16 months he called and confessed he loved me and that I didn’t know how much I broke him by leaving. So I packed up and moved back, and now we’ve been together nearly a year. Unfortunately, something’s different; he doesn’t want sex or to cuddle like we used to. At night time he turns off the light and turns away from me to sleep. He makes sly remarks like “Did you go the gym?” and “Don’t wear that — it looks too small for you.” It’s really hurting me, but I know he means well.
I’ve asked about the whole no-sex thing and he just says “I don’t want kids” even though I’m on the pill and have condoms. He doesn’t even want oral when I offer. I know I’m not fat at a size 12 and 5’1. I used to be confident and feel sexy on a night out, but now I feel horrible. How can I fix this or at least get him to sleep with me? — Not Feeling Sexy
Your boyfriend isn’t into you anymore, but he lacks the courage to break up with you so he’s pushing you away so that you’ll be the one to end things. This is a common strategy employed by jackasses everywhere (including women). He doesn’t “mean well.” Not at all. He means the opposite of well. And don’t be surprised if, when you do break up with him (because you absolutely should!!), he tries to gaslight you and make you think this is all your fault and that he doesn’t want to break up — he just wants you to get in shape and be different than who you are. This is also a common strategy of avoiding responsibility. Do not let him do this to you. Tell him you are tired of being with a man who makes you feel like garbage and doesn’t seem to know or appreciate what he has in you. Tell him you felt less alone when you were single than you do when you’re in bed with him and he turns his back on you or tells you you need to go to the gym, so you’re going to move on so you can feel better again, like you did before you got stuck with a crappy boyfriend. You’re actually not stuck. You just have to MOA.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].