Recently she had become unhappy with her job, and we were struggling because of this. Then her former boss called her up and offered her a job – her dream job – out of the blue. For the first week, she started a diet and all I heard was all about “Steve.” I’m jealous. I creeped his Facebook and we even look alike. Was I just a replacement for him? I need help deciding what to do. Should I confront her? Encourage her to quit? She seems so happy when she is talking to him on the phone. — Common Law
If you believe that Steve just happened to offer Darlene a dream job truly out of the blue and at the exact time she was feeling especially unhappy at her job and it was a big coincidence and not at all as a result of continued communication and feelings between them, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Darlene is not being honest with you and your relationship is not solid. You two weren’t struggling because she’d become unhappy with her job. You need to talk to her and find out the real reason she was unhappy and the real reason your relationship was struggling. This isn’t about work; this is about feelings and commitment, and there are very clear signs that her feelings don’t lie exclusively with you and that whatever commitment you believed you shared with each other has been and is being threatened. Absolutely talk to her about this, express how troubling you find her behavior, and if she cannot assure you in a way that leaves zero doubt in your mind that her feelings and commitment are exclusively for you and your relationship, then it’s time to MOA.
From the archives (this column was originally published in March, 2014)
The problem here is that he says he doesn’t want to marry me until I am responsible enough. The thing is, I do everything in our house: I get up an hour early to make his lunch for work that day, run his bath, make him coffee, and then wake him up for work. Then I start getting myself ready. I make dinner every night, and it is ready when he walks through the door. If I don’t cook, I organize take-aways. I clean the house as well — every day — and spend one day of the weekend doing a full-house clean-up. I go and watch his cricket matches on the weekends, which last from 7am to 7pm. I wash his clothes, iron them, and hang them in his cupboard. His ONLY two jobs are: feed the animals and take out the rubbish bag every morning (which he doesn’t always do).
What am I missing here? He says I’m not ready to be a wife or a mother because I don’t have any responsibility. What should I be doing? Is the problem me or him? — Wife Material