After a day on the lake recently, we were on the porch enjoying cigars and several glasses of wine. At about 11:00 PM, I called it a night. From a sound sleep I was awakened by the other wife screaming, “I caught you both.” The wife caught my wife and her husband in an embrace. She called it a liplock. Later she said she was not sure about the liplock. My wife explained that everyone was extremely intoxicated and she went to give the other husband a hug good night (not unusual for us) and he went in for a kiss. She said she turned her head and it was on the cheek, but the other wife saw this. The women got into a huge name-calling argument. The other husband apologized several times, said he was embarrassed, etc. The women were another story. We left early the next morning.
While I am not happy, I know what alcohol can do. My wife insists this was a one-time occurrence and she did nothing wrong. I am not sure how I feel about this. Should I be mad? I know what alcohol can do. I feel I can forgive the husband, but my wife says she can never get over what the other wife said.
What should I do? It is a very fun relationship, especially at this stage in our lives. — I Know What Alcohol Can Do
It may be a very fun relationship between you and the other husband, and maybe even between you and your wife and the other husband, but I get the feeling it’s not all fun and games in the other couple’s relationship and that this drunken transgression wasn’t the first time the other wife felt hurt by perceived slights and/or betrayals from her husband. Intoxicated or not, attempting to kiss your close friend’s wife on the mouth while your own wife is nearby is inappropriate at best, and suggests a lack of self-control one can’t help but think has been exhibited more than once in this marriage. And the other wife’s immediate outrage rather than confusion or benefit of the doubt only furthers that suspicion. Something is up between them, and whatever role your wife may or may not play in that disruption of their union is unwelcome (to say the least) by the other wife. Chances are, she has suspected inappropriate feelings or behavior between them and that the “liplock” she thinks she saw was a confirmation of her worst fears.
I would put all plans for future get-togethers with this couple on hold for the time being. Maybe all that’s needed is some space and some alcohol detox. Or maybe the wounds are deeper than you know and a friendship between the the couples won’t be possible for a long while, if ever again. That doesn’t mean you and the other husband can’t continue being pals, especially if you don’t feel particularly upset by what happened and your trust hasn’t been shaken. I would reach out to him and let him know that, while your wife is upset by things that were said, all is fine on your end and you don’t hold any hard feelings toward him. Maybe, instead of a future foursome, you two husbands can enjoy a weekend trip together. Even if the wives can’t forgive and forget and get along, if you men are fine with each other, there’s no reason why YOUR friendship can’t continue. (And if things are, as I suspect, not great in his marriage, he could probably use a good friend to help provide some distraction).
Oh, and this should go without saying, but, if you all do hang out again, keep the booze intake to a minimum. After all, “you know what alcohol can do.” And sometimes it ain’t pretty.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].