Well, long story short, she ignored me for five days before she finally made contact with me and told me that she took the list to mean that I liked her as more than a friend and she didn’t feel the same way. I informed her that her thought was wrong and that I loved her as a best friend — like a sister. She then went on to say that it wasn’t just the list; I had apparently been “overbearing” for a while. I don’t know how she came to this conclusion considering I barely ever got the chance to see her due to our scheduling conflicts with school and work. Anyway, ever since our fight, we’ve both apologized and said we’ve forgiven each other, but things aren’t the same. We aren’t nearly as close anymore. We hardly even talk, much less confide in each other about anything of any significance. I’m afraid I’m losing or have already lost her and that this can’t be fixed. Half the time, she acts like she doesn’t care about me anymore and the other half of the time, our “conversations” are half-hearted and basically empty.
I want nothing more than to go back to how things were before her birthday, before she started pushing me away. I love her so very much; she really means a hell of a lot to me. I feel like I owe her, myself, and our friendship one more serious attempt to repair this. My question to you, and your legion of readers, is this: What can/should I do to try fixing this? How do I even start a conversation about it without feeling bad for bringing it up again? Is it too late to repair this or is there hope? Should I MOA and let her/this go, or try one more time, lay it all on the line, and risk HER ending it for good just for a chance of fixing it? Please and thanks for your help. — Wants My BFF Back
You may say — and think — you love Mary like a sister, but come on. How many brothers do you really think give their sisters a list of 101 reasons why they love them? It’s weird. That’s the kind of thing boyfriends and girlfriends might give each other, not brothers and sisters — or friends who swear they aren’t anything more than platonic. The truth is, you’ve made Mary feel uncomfortable, and for good reason. I can only imagine what some of your 101 reasons are for loving her. If any of them are even slightly related to, like, her looks, or that cute wrinkle she gets in her nose when she’s trying really hard to remember something, you’re kind of screwed.
Actually, I’m sorry; I hate to break it to you, but I’d say you’re screwed no matter what. If the love list was only the icing on the cake, and you’ve been, as she says, “overbearing” for a while, it’s likely that Mary has made the decision to MOA from your friendship and isn’t really looking back. Her behavior as of late would indicate as much, too. That isn’t to say she doesn’t still care for you or love you (as a friend!), but your behavior steered your friendship in a direction she was uncomfortable with and she put the brakes on it. I’d say it’s probably too late to try to steer things back to the direction they were going.
The best thing you can do now is respect her boundaries and give her space. Maybe with a little time and distance, she won’t be so alarmed by your intentions and maybe — it’s a very, very slim maybe — she’ll reach out to you again. But I would seriously urge you in the meantime to really think about your feelings for Mary. Are they truly only platonic, or are you in love with her? How would you feel seeing her in love with another man? Would you be willing to take a backseat to him and respect their relationship? If not, then it would seem your feelings, as Mary fears, are not strictly platonic, and if she doesn’t feel the same way, you’d be doing you both a favor by moving on. She’s made it clear to you that she’s not interested in you as more than a friend. Respect that and steer clear of her if you want more than she can give you.
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