For Christmas I’m driving back to my hometown (which is now about 30 minutes from him, since he moved at almost the same time as I did). I want to split my time equally between my parents and my boyfriend. I get to see my boyfriend usually once every two weeks for the weekend, sometimes every weekend – we try to split the driving. I don’t see my parents very often – even when I’m back in the area, I normally spend all my time with him. The problem is he has issues with my spending half my time with my parents – he says he doesn’t understand how I would want to be there three full days while they’re going about their normal life. I don’t understand how he can’t understand – I miss my parents and I want to spend time with them.
He’s kinda had issues with it before too. Like when I was traveling down for the weekend – I proposed staying at my parents’ on the Friday night to visit with them and then coming to his place first thing on Saturday, but he wasn’t happy with that suggestion. I get that he misses me and wants to spend as much time as he can with me, because I miss him too. We talked about it the other evening, and I expressed my disappointment that he wasn’t more supportive of me visiting my family and couldn’t understand how I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions. He says he doesn’t understand the desire to spend full days with parents – that he’s moved out and “is over that period in his life.”
I don’t know what to say. I love him, but I think this might be the breaking point for me. — Actually Likes Parents
Dump him. This is an ongoing and obvious difference in values and it’s going to be a problem over and over. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t have a close relationship with his parents (because he “over that period in his life,” wtf) or can’t really appreciate your relationship with your parents, he can still be understanding of your desire to spend some time with your family, ESPECIALLY when you see him so much more than you see them and have made him a priority in your life. His behavior speaks volumes about his character, and ultimately about what your life would be like with him in the long-term. He will likely never respect your commitment to your family — your desire to spend vacation time with them and to share some of your life with them. In his mind, any time you “choose them” over your time with him and with a hypothetical family you might have with him one day, he will see that as a rejection. That’s not what you want. I say cut your losses now and move on.
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