It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today’s crop of letters makes me sad for our society.
I have been dating my boyfriend for a month now and I recently found out he got an ex pregnant. He’s mentioned her before but said they never did anything without a condom. Rumor has it she used a turkey baster to get pregnant. She went around tellin’ his grandma and mom she was pregnant by him and now his mom’s trying to get them back together knowin’ me and him are dating. Now he says he wants distance from me. What should I do? Should I just leave him alone or keep seeing him? — Turkey Baster Killing My Joy
Why would you want to continue seeing some guy you’ve known for a month who has a pregnant ex, a pushy family, and a story about a turkey baster you’d have to be a turkey to believe? Seriously? If all that sounds appealing to you, then sure, keep dating him.
I’ve been in a relationship for more than a year. We are moving in together in a few weeks. He is an army soldier and he just got back about three months ago. Before he got back, I found out he was talking to his ex. He’s also got some weird type of hobby now where he likes to flirt with women online and have cyber sex with them. I found out because of his Facebook. I had to check his e-mail account, and I found a whole bunch of pictures of naked women. Women he knows. I broke up with him, but recently we got back together. He deleted his Facebook and cancelled his email account, but now he is on Instagram liking pictures of naked women. I love him, but I’m confused and don’t know what should I do. — InstaMad
The guy is cheating on you and actively pursuing and interacting with other women. What is there to be confused about here? Stay with him and be miserable, or leave him and retain at least a shred of dignity and hope for something better.
I am 28 years old and three months pregnant. The father is my boyfriend of about six months, whom I love and care very much for. I have no doubt that he wants to be a father and will be a good one. However, he wants to be around me 24/7. He has no job and still lives at home with his parents. He is 25. He has many good attributes, but I am getting so angry with him lately over his immaturity and inabity to grow the heck up. I pay my bills and some of his, and I’m sick of it. I work my butt off while he sits at home. We do not live together either. All he wants to do is be with me day and night, and that irritates me because we all need a little space, right? But what do I do? Wait it out and see if he grows up? I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. I feel like I have a child already. I need advice on what I need to do! — Worried Mama-to-be
I’m confused as to why in the world you think your boyfriend seems like strong father material. It takes more than love to provide for your child and raise him or her to be a well-rounded individual. Honestly, I’d consider whether keeping your child is really the best choice and, if you’re convinced it is, then talk to a lawyer about getting full custody and figure out a plan for providing full care — financially, especially, since it doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is going to help out at all — to your child.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.