Last year during winter break, instead of spending New Year’s Eve with me, the boyfriend stupidly flew down to party with his roommate who only lives 45 minutes from me (the boyfriend’s hometown is on the opposite side of our large state). He didn’t think about asking if I wanted to spend it with him till afterwards. It was impulsive, and he didn’t want to back out on his buddy, and since we hadn’t been dating for that long, I was chill, but I was really sad at midnight. He texted me the whole time saying how much he missed me, and he came over for New Years Day at my family’s house.
Fast forward to this year, and we got back together right after he’d made plans to party with his roommate again for New Year’s Eve (though he’ll come hang out with me for a few days afterwards). I would go to the party, but I kind of feel like his friends didn’t invite me (and my boyfriend hasn’t made an effort to invite me; he probably knows I wouldn’t have fun), wild parties aren’t my scene, and I really like spending time with my family on New Years Eve. Is it too much for me to ask for him to change his plans? He has had issues prioritizing his gazillion friends and me before, so this is why it makes me worried nothing has changed. What do I do?? — Ditched on New Years Eve
No, I wouldn’t say that it’s too much to ask your boyfriend if he’d consider spending New Year’s Eve with you and your family, but I wouldn’t put too much pressure on him either and I’d respect whatever decision he made. It’s not as if he’s coming to your neck of the woods and not spending any time with you. He’s planning to spend a few days with you after New Year’s, after all. And really, it’s not such a surprise that a 21-year-old guy would rather hang out with his buddies on New Year’s Eve than his girlfriend’s parents. Even if he loves your family and gets along well with them, NYE just isn’t the occasion one tends to reserve for other people’s parents.
When you approach your boyfriend about NYE, be prepared to make a compromise. What you want is to spend the evening with both your family AND your boyfriend, and that just may not be in the cards. If it’s most important that you have your boyfriend to kiss at midnight and he’s set on partying with his friends, why not ask him if you could come along? But if you can’t stand the idea of going to the party, understand that your boyfriend already made those plans and you can enjoy the evening with your family and look forward to spending a few days with him afterwards.
If you’re still together next year, you may want to address NYE far in advance so you’re both on the same page. It sounds like you have very different ideas of how to spend it — he likes a night of debauchery with his friends and you like a night at home with your parents — and your best bet may be to do something completely new that both of you can appreciate and not feel too shortchanged by.