It depends on what you think you should be concerned *about.* I don’t think the hesitancy to introduce you to his parents is a reflection of his feelings for you, so I wouldn’t be concerned about that. He’s making plans with you months in advance, which shows an interest in a longer-term commitment to you. He acts excited by the *idea* of you meeting his parents. But the reality of your meeting them seems to provoke something in him that, yeah, maybe is worth exploring. Combine his hesitancy with his history of never bringing a woman home to meet his parents, his never having a serious relationship, and his siblings’ lack of relationship history, and you could infer that there might be a shared reason for all of this – a reason tied to his parents, his family, or the way he was raised.
Perhaps there have been other clues in your seven months together that might give you an idea of why your boyfriend is hesitant to introduce you to his parents or why he’s never had a serious relationship (although, to be fair, it’s not unheard of for a 28-year-old to have never had a serious relationship). Whether there have been clues or not, you know what would be a good way of finding out what’s going on? Ask him! Tell him you would love to meet his parents, but you’ve noticed that he seems to have been avoiding making an introduction and you’re wondering why. It’s important not to act defensive here or like you’re taking this personally. You want to express support, open-mindedness, and patience. Here’s a script you could follow:
“Hey, we’ve been dating for seven months now and things are getting more serious. You’ve met my parents and I’d really love the opportunity to meet yours, but there always seems to be an excuse to avoid this and I’m beginning to wonder what that’s about. I hope you know it’s ok to talk to me – that I care about you, I want to support you, and I’m not going anywhere. If there’s something I should know about your parents or your family before I meet them, please tell me. If there’s a reason you don’t want me to meet them, I want to know. And if there isn’t, let’s nail down a date that I can meet them because it’s important to me.”
He may not give you any solid answers, but at least the conversation has been opened and you can revisit it regularly until your boyfriend can give you the info you need to satisfy you. Just be careful not to push and not to take this personally. If there’s a secret he isn’t sharing with you, it’s safe to assume it’s something that causes him some discomfort or grief or pain or embarrassment, and it’s important to remain compassionate about that and to give him time to trust you with what he hasn’t been able to share yet.
(This one below was briefly published on the forums last week but inadvertently deleted due to some tech issues I was having. Some of you may recognize the letter).
He communicates well and listens attentively, but we don’t have the verbal chemistry that I find so attractive. We do have fun, but I find sometimes I meet people whom I “click with” verbally. I’m still young, so do you think I should keep looking for someone who perhaps lacks his many qualities but that can make me laugh more? Or after many years of being together, am I being unrealistic as conversations just get a little less interesting and duller? — Wanting More Chemistry
I would never, ever advise someone, especially someone young, to commit for life to someone she finds dull and uninteresting. I don’t care how madly in love with you he is, how gorgeous he is, or how much money his job pays. If the guy bores you, why on earth would you want to settle down to a lifetime of that? There are so many fish in the sea that this really isn’t a matter of your guy or someone who “lacks his many qualities, but that can make [you] laugh more.” I promise, there are men who can make you laugh AND have other good qualities to boot! Maybe you won’t find someone who has all the good qualities your boyfriend does, but who has the qualities that matter the most to you, you know? Obviously, the qualities your boyfriend has aren’t THEEE most important to you or you wouldn’t be writing in for advice. Keep looking for someone who doesn’t make you question whether what he offers, or what you share together, is enough. When it’s right, you know it.