The mother of the bride, my best friend, does not care for my boyfriend, or any man per se; she is tasting the bitterness of her recent divorce. I know that the exclusion comes from my BFF and not from the bride.
I would like to attend with my boyfriend and we would make an extended vacation, or at least give him the option of a gracious decline and I attend solo. I don’t mind going alone at all, but to have him excluded feels so wrong. Shall I talk to the BFF or the bride for a possible “over-sight” (I’m being generous)? Your input is greatly appreciated. — Waiting to book a flight in SoCal
Since you’ve been best friends with the bride’s mother for 41 years, you might, as I would if I were you, make a casual mention about the exclusion of your boyfriend the next time you talk to her. It could be along the lines of, “I got “Jane’s invitation in the mail and I’m so excited to attend her wedding. I think “Hank” will come to Canada with me and we’ll make a long weekend of it. I’m sure the budget is tight and Jane and John want to keep the guest list down, but I wanted to double-check with you that they indeed only meant to invite me and not Hank, too.” Then, you must accept whatever answer she gives you if you hope to remain friends with her and close with her daughter, too. The truth is, you don’t know for sure why your boyfriend wasn’t invited; you’re only speculating. And my hunch is that YOU are the one who is most hurt by the exclusion and not your boyfriend.
In any event, neither you nor your boyfriend should take this personally. While it’s unfortunate that the bride and groom didn’t extend an invitation to your boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, it’s possible that there were many people who didn’t make the cut and you and your boyfriend aren’t being singled out like you suspect. And if your BFF is indeed still licking the wounds of her recent divorce and her bitterness is responsible for the exclusion of your boyfriend, try to show some compassion to someone who is clearly hurting.
This wedding is one day — one day in your life, one day in the life of your relationships, and one day in what has been a 41-year friendship. Don’t let one day — and one hurtful slight — create more drama than it’s worth. Your boyfriend can still accompany you to Canada and you can still enjoy a long weekend there together. Surely he can busy himself with something while you’re at the wedding, and you’ll know enough people there to have a good time without him. For the good of your friendship and your relationship with this woman who has been like a niece to you, try to bury your resentment at least until your BFF is in a better place emotionally.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].