It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I have been in a relationship for six years and we live together. My daughter is white and married a wonderful black man. They now have a child and are expecting another. My boyfriend is very distant to my grandchild and has said he will never accept an interracial grandchild. He explains that it is because he was raised that way. I want to have a relationship with my daughter and her husband and their children very much. But I love my boyfriend too. I feel that they are trying to make me choose between them and I don’t know how to handle the situation. I would like some suggestions please. — Choosing Between Family and Boyfriend
Total no-brainer: Even if you don’t have to make a choice, dump the bigot. Anyone who wouldn’t accept a child — especially the grandchild of a significant other — because she’s biracial is, frankly, a bad person. I’m willing to bet that, in six years together, you’ve already seen plenty of signs of this person’s bigotry, so I’m sorry it’s taken this situation to make you question how to proceed, but, now that you finally are, the answer is: MOA.
I have a boyfriend and we have been together for about a month now. He is a father of six wonderful kids whom I care about a lot. I’m a mom of three kids, and together we decided we were going to be there for each other. Two days ago he got a message from his ex-girlfriend telling him she was three months pregnant and is keeping it. My boyfriend now wants to be sure that, if we keep this relationship, I’ll be willing to work together to raise our kids. He doesn’t have any feelings for this other woman, but am I crazy to stay with him considering the situation? — Mom of Three
Considering that the situation is that after one month together this man is expecting you to help raise his SEVEN (on top of the three you already have yourself), yes, I’d say you’re out of your fucking mind to stay with him. Neither of you should even KNOW each other’s kids yet, let alone be agreeing to raising them. Good lord.
I have been with my partner for twelve years, and he keeps sending pictures of his penis to other women, talking dirty to them, and telling them he loves them. Every time I confront him about it he lies or makes up some excuse. (Oh, and these people are in relationships as well). I don’t know what to do anymore. — Twelve Years In
Are you married? Do you have kids? If the answer is no to both of those, MOA. If it’s yes to either of those, get to marriage counseling and see if you can work things out. If he refuses to go or things don’t improve, MOA.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.