My boyfriend’s sister just had a baby and his ex was involved in the pregnancy and now wants to spend time with the family. I know that my boyfriend can’t control his sister’s decisions, but seeing as how she has been mean to me and my boyfriend, I don’t feel as if it’s appropriate. I don’t see why this girl would want to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend’s family anyway, seeing as how she has her own very serious boyfriend. I feel like this situation is out of our control, but its making me very uncomfortable and frankly insulted that his family would allow this woman, whom they claim they don’t like, into their lives. I have talked about this situation with my boyfriend but we both feel like its his sister’s decision, so what can I do? — Annoyed with the Ex
Nothing. There’s nothing you can do. And rather than make a big deal out of something that really, truly has no effect on your relationship with your boyfriend or your relationship with his family, I’d focus your attention on things that are a tad more important. Like organizing your underwear drawer and deciding what color nail polish you’ll wear on your toes this summer. Seriously, worrying about who your boyfriend’s sister, a woman who lives in a different town than you, spends some of her precious free time with while caring for a newborn, is such a waste of your emotional energy, I almost wonder if you’re looking for reason to create some drama.
We have to pick our battles in this life. If your boyfriend, for example, were best friends with his ex and she continued to be mean to you, that might be a battle worth fighting. Or, if the ex were making your life a living hell by, I don’t know, leaving boxes of steaming human feces on your doorstep every morning, you might consider questioning your boyfriend’s sister’s judgment for befriending such a loon. Actually, I’d skip that part and go straight to alerting your local authorities. My point is: in the great scheme of things, the casual friendship that exists between two women who don’t even live in your area, one of whom you haven’t had anything to do with in over a year and a half, is a non-issue, and not worth getting your panties in a bunch over. I promise, if it’s a battle you’re looking for, you will find a real one worth fighting eventually. But this isn’t it. Let it go, and let the brand new mama make friends in peace. Your relationship with your potential in-laws will be better for it in the long run.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at [email protected].