She hasn’t yet said “change the color or I’m out” but it’s kind of headed that way. Any advice on what my next steps should be? I’d ideally like to preserve our relationship and her role in the wedding as well as the wedding color we both like… but I’m not seeing a good way to do that and would love an outsider perspective. — Am I Being a Bridezilla?
You say that you’d “ideally” like to preserve your relationship with Sue as well as the color of your wedding as if the two are of equal importance, and if that’s true, then there isn’t much of a friendship to preserve after all, is there? If the color of the dress you want Sue to wear is as important to you as her friendship is, I don’t know why you’d even ask her to be in your wedding. And it sounds like she might not care to be in it either if she genuinely thinks you’re trying to make her look bad. What a strange and unhealthy dynamic it sounds like you two have. It sounds like you’re more frenemies than friends and, if that’s the case, why not extend Sue an opportunity to cut her losses and move on from your friendship? Let her know that you’re sold on the forest green color of the bridesmaid dresses but you totally understand if she’d prefer not to wear something she feels uncomfortable in and she can step down from her role as Matron of Honor, no hard feelings.
If, on the other hand, Sue’s friendship is more important to you than what shade of green dress she wears, grant her the courtesy of choosing a complementary shade that she feels comfortable wearing instead. That her role is symbolically more important than the rest of the wedding party – she is MATRON of honor, after all – gives a great cover for her to wear a shade that differentiates her from the generic bridesmaids. And Boom! – your wedding color and her role in your wedding are preserved! As for your friendship – well, it’s worth addressing directly with Sue and clearing the air. I’d suggest saying something like: “I feel terrible you would think I would want to make you look bad. You’re a dear friend to me, your feelings matter, and I hope you know I would only want you to look and feel your best. If there’s something I’ve said or done that would make you question that, please let me know because your friendship is important to me – so much more than what shade dress you wear in my wedding!”
Vintage DW (this post was originally published May 5, 2015)
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