Should I feel so much like a whipped dog every time she asks or should I be glad that she still values my opinion? I don’t really know how to feel right now and, when I tried to communicate my issues, I simply failed at getting the message across. — Resenting the Separation
1. Stop trying to be polite. I suspect that’s part of your marital issues to begin with. Stop trying to be polite with your estranged wife and start being honest (but civil!). Tell her you’re uncomfortable weighing in on potential apartment for her to live in during your separation and that, in your mind (and the minds of most people entering a separation), being separated means living as a single person undergoing a trial experience to see what kind of clarity and insight you’ll glean with the emotional and physical distance from your spouse. Part of living without your spouse is choosing a new home without his or her emotional support.
2. Why are you not going to couples counseling? You can live separately AND see a marriage counselor to work on your problems, and, if you have any intention or hope at all of eventually reconciling, that step really shouldn’t be skipped. On the other hand, maybe your wife has already checked out of the marriage completely and sees the separation only as “temporary” in that it’s just a stop toward a permanent dissolution of your marriage. And if that’s the case, you certainly deserve the truth about it.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].