It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss dating someone from a difference socioeconomic class, dealing with a friend’s loser boyfriend, and dealing with rude party host.
I am truly in love with my boyfriend, but we grew up with very different lifestyles (socially, money, viewpoints) and I think that it’s something that could become an issue down the road. I feel like I have to “lower” myself when I am out with his family; I feel bad talking about my experiences/vacations and things of that sort when it comes up. I also feel bad when he comes on vacation or out to nice dinners/events with my family and then goes back and talks about those experiences with his own family. I just am unsure of how to act in these situations and unsure if this is a relationship that I need to get out of because of these standards. Making the decision worse is that I have been asking him to quit smoking for months now and he never takes me seriously enough to actually quit. Should I try to move on and find someone who I can be more myself around his family, who doesn’t smoke, and who may not make me as happy as my current boyfriend – or stay with the guy I love and am treated well by? — Class Issues
If you truly feel like you have to “lower” yourself around your boyfriend’s family because you’ve been on more extravagant vacations than they have and or you’ve eaten in more expensive restaurants, then I’d definitely recommend moving on. Until you learn that one’s socioeconomic class has no bearing on who he or she is as a person and that the experiences and opportunities mommy and daddy have been able to provide you don’t make you any better than anyone else, you should probably spare people you deem “below” you the presence of your company and the “standards” they apparently can’t afford to live up to.
My BFF has been dating this guy for about six months and they’ve already moved in together, including their kids from prior relationships, and are talking about marriage, etc. Aside from the obvious issues here, what’s killing me is that the guy is a complete jerk and treats me like garbage. (He’s not great to her either, btw, either.) He has no reason to be hateful, and he’s so nasty towards me that my husband has forbidden him from ever setting foot in our house. My friend knows how I feel, and how bad the situation is, but she says she’s happy and doesn’t want to break up with him. It’s getting to the point that there is serious strain on our friendship and as much as it hurts, I’m about ready to part ways. Is there any hope here, or should I just move on to healthier friendships? — Dumped for a Douche
Uh, why don’t you just hang out with your friend without her boyfriend around? If she already knows you can’t stand him, it shouldn’t be too awkward to request some girl time with her. If she’s unable to ever leave his side, then yeah, you should probably move on to friendships that are a little less restrictive and draining.
I am a college student and unlike a lot of my friends, I am here on lots of scholarships and loans. I don’t have a lot of money to spend, and I have tried to make up for it by suggesting good happy hours, helping with dishes/cleanup at parties when I can’t bring alcohol, and sometimes just having to stay in. One of my friends is studying abroad in the fall, and she wants to have a going away party. She has decided to serve prime rib, and is asking for people to cover their costs for food and alcohol. I am not at all upset that she is asking us to contribute money toward the cost of the meal; my issue is that I cannot afford to eat prime rib. In fact, she knows about my financial situation and she told me I couldn’t come if I wasn’t able to “pay upfront.” I’ve thought about bringing my own (affordable!) food to cook/eat, but is that tacky? Am I right in thinking that perhaps she doesn’t want me there at all? — Distressed Guest
Your friend is incredibly tacky for even suggesting that guests pay for their expensive meals and alcohol at a party she’s hosting. Since you can’t afford the pricey menu, either skip the party completely or show up after dinner has been served. Bringing your own food would be awkward and draw unnecessary attention to you.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at [email protected] and be sure to follow me on Twitter.