First of all, if you’re a school teacher, it’s especially important that you use real words/real spelling of words in your written correspondences. I had to edit quite a bit of your letter, including changing “thru” to “through,” “n” to “and,” “wud” to “would,” and “tnrw” to “tomorrow” (I mean, there’s not even an “n” IN “tomorrow”). Maybe I sound nitpicky, but it really bothers me that a grown adult who’s responsible for guiding and teaching our next generation is expressing herself, at least in written correspondence, like a 12-year-old texting a friend. (For the record, yours is certainly not the first letter I’ve received like this. Sadly, most of them read like prepubescent text logs, but I would [not “wud”] hope that a teacher would hold herself to higher standards and not perpetuate this sloppy text-speak that has become pandemic in our society, especially in the younger generations). Ok, end rant. Now, onto your question:
No, you absolutely should not still get married if you aren’t financially stable and don’t have a solid financial plan together. Postpone or cancel the wedding immediately and get yourself to a financial advisor who can help you budget and plan for the future. Discuss career training for your fiancé so that he might be able to move into either a better-paying field or at least a better-paying position in the field in which he currently works. Can he discuss the terms of child support with his ex and a lawyer? If he shares custody of his child 50%, maybe his paying child support isn’t fair or necessary. That said, if you plan to have kids with this man, you obviously need to consider the expense of those potential kids. If you can barely afford to support yourselves now, I don’t see how you can support additional family members.
Also, you need an attitude adjustment. Why is it the husband’s job to provide for you? You’re a grown, capable career professional (despite what your aforementioned text-speak might suggest). You can provide for yourself. It’s one thing to want to be supported, but to just expect that that’s a man’s role to fill is sexist and backward. This is 2015. Wives can be providers, too. They can even be the sole breadwinners while their husbands stay home and take care of domestic duties.
Anyway, get thee to a financial advisor who can look at your incomes and expenses and help you form a budget and a plan to better reach the kind of financial comfort that will allow you to marry worry-free. And if you can’t get there because you simply aren’t a match on the financial side of things, move on already, because, as much as you love this guy, if money is a big problem, you won’t have a happy marriage. And it’s a lot cheaper to put off a wedding than pay for a divorce.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].