It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
You are in a position to potentially save other women from being a “#MeToo” experiencing sexual harassment at work. While that is an important position, your first priority should be to yourself and your kids. I would break up with Dan if I were you and get him away from you and your children, whether that means kicking him out of your home or finding a new place for you and your kids to go. And then, yes, you should notify his HR department. I don’t think he’s probably breaking any laws — there still is not much protection on creep shots of women — but I can’t say that for certain since I’m not a lawyer and I don’t know where you live.
“James, I’ve recently come to the realization that I’ve developed romantic feelings for you again. I know this is complicated because we have a history together, we have a child together, we live together as roommates, and you have a girlfriend. I wouldn’t want to be the reason you end another relationship, but if there’s a chance you might have feelings for me, too, would you be interested in giving us a try again? If not, we should discuss changing our living situation since it would be too difficult for me to continue living with someone I have unreciprocated feelings for.”
You said you’re willing to move several states away with your boyfriend’s family if you have “no other choice.” Well, fortunately, you have plenty of choices! You can choose a college based on things like: courses of study; size; scholarship opportunities; proximity to your family; and cost and financial aid packages. You can tour campuses and see what feels right to you, based on YOUR needs and desires. At 16, pretty much the very worst thing you could do is move somewhere solely for a boyfriend — especially one who wouldn’t do the same for you. The likelihood of the boy you started dating when you were 13 becoming your life-long partner is incredibly slim. Please think of his move as a logical breaking point in your relationship, and if, in a year or two, you can’t stop thinking of each other, you can re-visit the idea of closing the gap in your relationship. But right now, you need to focus on yourself and your education.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.