*You* do nothing, except continue with your wedding plans and supporting your fiancé. It’s his job to manage a relationship with his parents and it’s up to him to do – or not to do – anything regarding his parent’s behavior. If I were he, I’d probably send a note to my parents expressing disappointment in their decision to miss my wedding, but to let them know that I’m very happy in my decision to marry, to take my spouse’s name, and to give our future kids’ her name, and that when they’re ready to accept that, we welcome their presence in our lives. From there, it’s really up to them how to proceed – the ball will be in their court, so to speak. This doesn’t negate the pain their behavior might cause your partner (and you), and you can – and should – certainly support your fiancé through navigating whatever emotions he might be feeling and how he might express himself. You can also ask him what he might need from you and how best you can support him.
Things occurred that night that convinced me that they were officially over because of the level of anger I saw in both of them. I shouldn’t have assumed that and I sincerely regret it. Later that night I messaged Roger and told him I was sorry about everything and hoped he was doing alright. I also told him I thought he was really attractive. I told him “I’m sorry” (fearing it wasn’t appreciated) and he said “it’s okay” like it was no problem. Little did I know that he and my friend, John, had made up and were both in bed together. I don’t understand why neither of them texted me and explained they were together again after I said those things.
The next day the three of us went out to the bar again and were having an amazing, fun time. We went to another bar together in my car. I nearly remember everything from that night up until John telling me that he was going to drive which I agreed was safer and I don’t recall anything after that. I woke up a few hours later at my house and, apparently, I had blacked out (my first experience to do so). I really don’t recall drinking more than the usual amount, which is strange.
John texted me hours later saying “we need to talk.” I assumed it only had something to do with my telling Mark that I think he is attractive. At the bar they had acted like nothing had happened and I assumed John didn’t know about my messaging Mark. Well, not only was he upset I called his boyfriend attractive – which I completely understand – he is also accusing me of touching his boyfriend sexually at the bar. I would never do that, especially to my best friend who means so much to me. I would never do that, let alone to someone I barely know, and in public, as well.
John said not to message Mark about the situation. Well, I didn’t listen because I was furious I was being accused of something I wouldn’t do. Mark said I touched him and literally had my hands “deep down” there. Then he blocked me. I asked John why he didn’t confront me about the messages calling Mark attractive, and he told me Mark didn’t want any drama, which I find suspicious…
I don’t know what to do. John is the only friend I have, and I care about him a lot. — Don’t Remember Being Handsy
For someone who is in the wrong here, you don’t seem to be as humble and apologetic about your mistakes as you should be. Reaching out to Mark to tell him how attractive you think he is when just hours earlier you believed he was your best friend’s boyfriend is pretty low, and I’m not picking up on the appropriate level of remorse from you (and I suspect John isn’t either). You’re also very defensive about your behavior the last time the three of you went out, claiming you’d never act the way you’re being accused of while also admitting you blacked out and don’t remember the second half of your night. Even your admission about the amount you drank is defensive (“I really don’t recall drinking more than the usual amount, which is strange.” It’s actually not strange to not recall things when you’ve had enough to drink to black out.)
Your whole tone is laced with suspicion – you even say that Mark’s desire to avoid drama, which is the reason John gave for not confronting you about your messages to Mark, was “suspicious.” Is it, really? Are you suggesting Mark had ulterior motives here? Are you implying that he’s to blame for your blacking out? That he lied about your putting your hands down his pants? Look, maybe he *is* lying, but nothing you’ve shared here suggests that it’s all that far-fetched that you crossed a boundary. You already crossed one when you told him how attractive you find him, and you admit to drinking enough that you thought it was safer for someone else to drive. You also say that you struggle with social anxiety. It’s not such a big stretch from all of that to imagine that you drank too much and behaved very inappropriately.
I would issue a heartfelt apology to John for your behavior – both what you can remember and what you can’t. I’d tell him how important he is to you and how much you regret betraying his trust and doing anything to jeopardize a friendship that means so much to you. Mark has blocked you, so you can’t reach out to him and you need to respect the boundary he’s put in place. With luck, John will forgive you and this can be a learning lesson for you. We all make mistakes. Even the most socially adept among us make missteps navigating relationships. But when we do, it’s so important to acknowledge our mistake and to make appropriate amends. You’ve misstepped here. You need to take responsibility, make a heartfelt apology, and give John some space to accept your apology and/or let you know what he needs from you to move forward.
I also think it’s a good idea to focus on building your social network so that John isn’t your sole friend. If anxiety is still keeping you from exploring potential friendships, seek out help for your anxiety (counseling, a support group, and perhaps even medication if a doctor thinks its warranted). Joining clubs, organizations (a LGBTQ one could be a great option!) or classes that interest you and bring you in the company of like-minded people would be good ways to meet others. Pursuing friendships from a place of respecting others and their boundaries is essential.