We were in a long distance relationship when we first starting dating. So, after we decided for him to move here, I knew there would be some financial strain on the relationship but never imagined it would be as bad as it has been. When he first got here, we were not engaged. He went four months without working and I paid for everything, from his gas to all his necessities. After that four-month period I made it very clear that I could no longer support him and that he would have to get a job. He did get a job, but he continues to not pay for anything but his personal expenses. I pay the mortgage and all of the household bills. I pay for all of our vacations, all of our food, groceries, and for the home and so on.
We have had many fights and have broken up a few times over this. He always tells me he will change and work more to be able to help out around the house and with the kids. At home he does do the majority of the cooking, but that is it. I do 90% of the house work and work close to 50 hours a week. I usually do not even get home until 7 pm or later during the week. Finally, I just gave him three bills to pay equaling $150 a month. He paid them for two months and started helping out more. Then he proposed and I accepted his proposal because I really thought he was truly trying and making a commitment to me and the kids that he would be the man we needed him to be.
Right after that everything went downhill again. We are right back in the same spot where he takes no responsiblities in life. He has no personal bills and the ones he does have his mother still pays (he is 32 and I am 35, by the way). He continues to tell me that he will change – I just need to give him one more chance.
My girls love him and so do I but I feel like I have made a huge mistake saying yes to his marriage proposal. Now everyone knows we are supposed to get married next year, and I don’t know what my kids will say if I break off the engagement and move on. – Inconvenient Proposal
Instead of imagining what they would say if you break off the engagement, imagine what your girls would say if you actually married a deadbeat – and I’m sorry, but that’s what I call a 32-year-old father who is capable of supporting himself and his family and chooses not to – and let him sponge off you for the rest of their childhoods. You may have made a mistake accepting his proposal, but that doesn’t mean you have to make the mistake of marrying him. He has shown you who he is and you can’t afford to give him “one more chance” to show you something different. You have children to think about and they deserve better. YOU deserve better. Please MOA and spend your time and money and love raising your daughters and not a grown man who is taking advantage of you.
You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.