I recently got engaged to a wonderful man. Monday evening something was mentioned to us about his cousin’s baby shower taking place this Sunday. I was not invited and had no idea it was going on. My fiancé mentioned this to his mother, and she mentioned it to her sister (the mother of the expecting woman and the hostess), and asked why I was not invited. The hostess called me yesterday to apologize and explain she did not invite me because she doesn’t know me very well, and didn’t want me to feel obligated to come. She then insisted several times I come to the party, and left me stammering. She hung up the phone without telling me where the party is being held, what time to come, etc. I have not received an invitation in the mail and I do not expect I will.
I am hurt: for one, the assertion that she doesn’t know me is untrue, I have been happily spending time with her and her family for two years (I ate Christmas dinner at their table!). Literally, every other woman in the family, including other fiancés, was invited. No one can think of a single thing I have done to deserve the snub, and I am embarrassed because I know other family members I am close with will ask where I am, only to be told I was not invited, and I am worried it will affect the way they see me. I think maybe her excuse that they don’t know me was an attempt to blame me for the situation instead of owning her mistake in forgetting me, which in itself is also hurtful. But if she has an issue with me, I wish she had approached me like an adult instead of snubbing me in front of my future in-laws. I don’t wish to hold grudges, and would go to the shower, except that I don’t have an invitation and would be very embarrassed to have to call and beg the details of where, when, etc. What do I do? — Showered With Indifference
When it comes to dealing with future in-laws, you need to pick you battles, so ask yourself: is this really worth getting super worked up over? So, you were snubbed. By your fiancé’s cousin. A woman you see, what, once or twice a year? I mean, obviously, it was rude and hurtful that she left you off the guest list for the baby shower. But you also mention that you “recently” got engaged. Perhaps, it’s possible that the guest list was created before your engagement and it was decided that only family and close friends would be invited, which, technically excluded you. And maybe once you got engaged, it was an oversight on the hostess’ part not to add you to the guest list. Whatever the excuse, I’m on your side here that it was indeed rude to invite every other woman in the family except you … and THEN to make matters worse, once the oversight was brought to her attention, the hostess made things worse by giving you a lame excuse for the oversight and then failing to give you details about the party after you verbally invited you.
But, let’s keep things in perspective here, okay? If every woman in the family has been invited to this baby shower, then why on earth can you not contact one of them for details about the shower? In her defense, the hostess, while practicing poor etiquette, probably assumed that’s exactly what you’d do. Don’t go and make this about you. Don’t cause a big stink over this. It’s not worth it. Just ask your future MIL if you can tag along with her, bring a nice gift and be a gracious guest. There’s a baby on the way. I’m sure people have other things on their minds right now besides, well, you. But don’t worry; if attention is what you want, you’ll get plenty of that at your bridal shower, bachelorette party and wedding. Just make sure you don’t snub anyone with your guest lists!!
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