It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
You QUIT YOUR JOB because your husband was texting and calling too much? Please tell me you had another one lined up first. Regardless, this goes beyond simple rudeness. Your husband is controlling and emotionally abusive and has no respect for boundaries. Get thee to a marriage counselor and leave his ass if he refuses to go or if his behavior doesn’t show improvement within 4-6 months. Also, if you’ve started a new job, don’t answer his texts while you’re at work, turn your phone on vibrate only, and don’t give him the office phone number.
Well, what exactly is your plan for after the baby is born? Is your boyfriend going to move in with you? Are you going to maintain separate homes? How are you going to support this child? All conversations right now should be framed around your plan for caring for your baby. Leave your feelings out of this if you’re worried they’re going to be dismissed and stick with practicalities: “We have a baby coming very soon. What is your plan for helping me care for it? I don’t see how you can continue having dinner with your mother every night and be present for us in the way we are going to need you to be present.” I’d also be sure to line up some other support since it sounds unlikely this boyfriend is going to be the help you’re going to need him to be.
If you and your mom think having a lesbian mother is something to be ashamed of or something that should go in the “con” column for a potential match, you’re a couple of homophobic bigots and my advice to you is to leave this guy alone because, let’s be honest, the chance of an “epic love” here is minimal and it isn’t worth dragging him into any head-fuckery your bigotry might create. And if you aren’t a bigot and are simply worried about your mother’s opinion and respect, I’d stop worrying about that and start making your own decisions based on your own values, which are hopefully grounded in less hate and intolerance than your mom’s. (I do agree that heavy smoking is pretty gross though).
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.