The second time, she needed a new couch brought to her home. Alex has a truck, and, again, David asked him. This time, he didn’t tell me about it. He lied to me. At first I thought this must be because of my overreaction the first time he helped her, but in the back of my mind, when someone lies about something completely innocent like moving a couch, I think there must be something else going on.
Fast forward to last month when we all went out to eat. I was seated beside my husband, and Steph was on his other side. What happened the entire time felt like sort of an out-of-body experience: He poured over and flirted with her. His body language was leaning toward her, not me. The waiter even thought the two of them were together. When we went back to a friend’s, I came out to the patio to see them fairly close, and given their body language and the abrupt end to the conversation, I felt like something was going on.
When I spoke to Alex about it, I made him promise that this would stay between us. A few nights later, he took our son to dinner again. This time, he BROUGHT UP the previous dinner incident with his best friend, his best friend’s fiancée, and Steph! I was totally shocked, disgusted, betrayed and embarrassed that he would bring it up, especially with her RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. At this point, he hadn’t yet admitted that the flirting debacle was wrong. I’m sure, in my absence, he made me out to be a really bitchy, jealous wife. Given the type of woman I know Steph to be (mostly going after married men), I’m sure Alex’s dinnertime confession was very gratifying to her. Another person at the table noticed that she lit up after he said it.
Last night, she showed up uninvited at my home along with an invited guest. When I came down the steps, I saw her roll her eyes. I was so angry; this is MY home she is visiting! Who did she expect would answer?
It’s been a month since the dinner incident, and I’m no more over it now than I was. We’re waiting on our marriage therapy appointment. The trust is gone. Although I don’t think he’d go all the way with her, I still feel so betrayed. I think I’d feel better if he’d admit her attraction for her.
My husband is completely addicted to attention, to the point where he betrayed my trust and feelings. We’ve had other issues in the past, but nothing like this. My real question is, I suppose… should I MOA? I feel like any trust we have is gone, and I don’t know how to repair it. I put myself into crying fits, and I feel I can’t be as present to my toddler. — Married to a Flirt
Get yourself together, woman, you’ve got a child to take care of. So far, the biggest crime your husband has committed is flirting with another woman and telling her and some other friends that you were upset with him. Yes, this is highly disrespectful, but I’m not sure it’s worthy of “crying fits” that compromise your ability to care for your toddler. As you said, you and your husband have other issues and I suspect this particular one is just the cherry on the sundae, so to speak. I’m glad you have an appointment for therapy.
In addition to therapy, you know what my biggest advice is for you two? Stop hanging out with your friends so much and take some time to focus on each other, your marriage, and your family. There’s nothing wrong with having an active social life, but when it’s directly affecting your marriage in a negative way, as it is with you guys, it’s irresponsible to keep going out to dinners, inviting people over, helping friends of friends move, etc. etc. Tell your husband the next time someone other than a very close friend needs help moving, he needs to tell them he’s busy with his family. The next time you have a dinner invitation where Steph is going to be present, tell your husband you’d rather use a sitter to go out just the two of you. You guys need to re-connect, talk about your feelings, and remember what it is you like about each other. You can’t re-build trust by constantly surrounding yourself with other people. And you can’t re-build trust without naming the thing that’s upsetting you — in this case, feeling like your husband is disrespecting you — and giving the other person a chance to hear you and understand you.