I understand that my husband wants to celebrate with his friend whom he has known for years, but being left alone for a weekend two weeks before the baby is due makes me uneasy. Last night, he spoke with his friends and came home to let me know that he didn’t think the baby would come that early but that if I do go into labor, he would drive to the airport and hop on a plane to get to me.
I don’t want to be alone knowing the baby could come at any moment, but I also don’t want to take this opportunity away from my husband. But the fact that he wants to go on this trip really hurts.
Do you think it’s fair to ask him to only go to the bachelor party for one day instead of the whole weekend or should I be okay with him being away since we don’t even know if our baby will be arriving during the days that he would be gone? — Due Date Conflict
Most doctors recommend — some insist — that women do not travel in the last few weeks of pregnancy because it’s very common for babies to come early (and if the woman can’t travel because the chance of labor is too great, then why should her partner?). I, myself, have had two babies who each came two weeks early (my first came more than two weeks early and my labor was three hours long from the first contraction to holding him in my arms — certainly not long enough for anyone to hop on a plane and come pick me up). A due date is a guess — an approximation, and it can easily be a few weeks off. Not only that, but a baby will come when it damn well wants to come, even if a due date is exactly nine months from the conception date. Your husband and his friends saying they don’t think the baby will come early doesn’t make it so, and, frankly, I’d have some serious reservations about co-parenting with a person who is so cavalier and selfish about something like this. Partying with his buddies is more important than making sure he’s as close to you as possible when your due date is imminent? I mean, what the fuck?
I don’t want to scare you or scare anyone else who might be pregnant and reading this, but a lot can go wrong in the final weeks of pregnancy (or at any time during a pregnancy, actually). I was hospitalized three times with complications in the final trimesters of my two pregnancies and, if my husband had been at a weekend party with his buddies a couple states away, I would have been up shit creek. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have figured out a way to get myself to the hospital, or that you couldn’t do the same if you were on your own and needed medical attention (for labor or anything else), but why be put in that position, which is already so emotionally-charged, if it isn’t necessary? And I hardly consider a bachelor party a necessity.
If telling your husband that you prefer he skip the party and reminding him that, after 37 weeks, a baby is considered “full-term,” is expected to come any time, and that you don’t want to be left alone when there’s a solid chance you could go into labor doesn’t convince him to stay home, then bring him to your next OB appointment and have him ask your doctor what she or he thinks about his taking off for a weekend two weeks before your due date. Of course, any doctor with half a brain will tell him he’s an idiot for even considering this (well, she may not use the word “idiot,” but I will) and hopefully he will listen to her. But, frankly, the idea that he won’t listen to YOU and isn’t concerned about YOUR needs and making sure you feel safe and secure is worrisome. Is this a taste of how he’ll be as a parent? Putting his own desires ahead of his family’s well-being? You need to address this with him ASAP and let him know now that that kind of thinking is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. If he wants to go on a boys’ weekend a few months after the baby comes, great! I whole-heartedly believe that parents should take regular breaks, enjoy a change of scenery, and re-charge. But two weeks before your baby’s due date is not the time for that.
Finally: you are not “taking away this opportunity” from him. It’s called being a responsible adult — making decisions that aren’t always fun or your personal preference for the benefit and good of the whole group or family. If he’s about to be a dad in a few weeks, it’s high time he started practicing this concept.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].