Happiness is a choice, my dear. Contrary to what many people seem to think, it is not a passive lifestyle that just happens to people who are lucky. You have to actively work at creating a happy life for yourself. Yes, having a great job, living in a town you love, and meeting a special someone you click with certainly all help make you happy, but even those things rarely just happen to people. You have to apply yourself, and the best way to do that is to set a goal or an intention and start making steps to reach that goal.
Rather than throw away your marriage, which is essentially what you’d be doing if you moved far away from your husband for at least two years for no other reason than because you didn’t like the town where he worked, why not actually put some effort into creating a happy life for yourself closer to your husband’s job? If you live in a large town, I find it hard to believe that NO ONE there is likeable. And even if that truly is the case, you would have had to meet everyone who lives there to make that argument. I doubt you’ve really met everyone who lives there. I bet you haven’t even met a fraction of the town’s other residents. Nothing in your letter indicates you’ve made an active effort to do that yet. Have you joined clubs? Taken classes? Found a Meetup group you might enjoy? If not, you’re being lazy.
Going from job to job to job IS NOT the best way to make friends in a new place; being social and friendly is. So quit your whining and belly-aching and go out and be social and active. Instead of spending an hour each night crying to your husband about how miserable you are, why don’t you spend an hour going for evening walks together. You’ll reconnect, shed some of that weight you’ve packed on, and maybe even get to know some of your neighbors (especially if you smile, something that will not only make you feel better, but will go a long way in endearing people to you). You say that everyone in your new town only “cares about themselves,” but how are you any different? In your letter, you’ve mentioned nothing about caring for anyone else but yourself. If you want to find caring people, you have to be a caring person. Do something nice for someone else. Volunteer at an animal shelter, read to children at the local library, bake cookies for residents of a nursing home. Do something that breaks your non-stop self-pitying and gets you thinking about others for a change. It will give you a new perspective, help you feel good about yourself and introduce you to people who perhaps aren’t as self-centered as those you’ve encountered so far. If you’ve got an hour every day to cry and vent to your husband, you can find a couple hours a week to do something nice for someone else. Give yourself six months to see how these small steps change your life. I predict it will make a world of difference.
Another option to consider is instead of moving back to the comfort zone of your small town where you’ve probably never been forced to branch out and meet new people on your own — something that builds a lot of character and makes one a better, more compassionate person — think about moving to that big city you live “very close” to. If it’s close enough for your husband to commute to work, you could get a small place that would allow you to really expand your potential social circle. You could find a job in the city that may allow you to ditch your white-knuckling drives to work for a subway or bus ride instead. And there’s no way you can live in a big city and say with authority that EVERYONE sucks. There are way, way too many people in a big city to make a general claim like that, and if you do, the problem is clearly with you and not with the people you’re meeting.
Any of these suggestions are far better than your idea to move away from your new husband for at least two years. What kind of marriage is that? Where’s your commitment to your relationship? Didn’t you make a vow to stick together through good times and bad? Well, this is one of those challenging times that’s testing your word. Were you truthful when you said you’d stick things out or were you just making totally empty, meaningless promises? If you’re willing to walk away from your new husband now over something as benign as not loving your temporary place of residence, what does that say about the future of your relationship? Not much, I’ll tell you that. Not much at all. Moving home when the going gets tough is a weakling’s solution to trouble. Moving home before you’ve even made an effort to create the happy life you want is failing. It’s failing your marriage and it’s failing yourself. Don’t be a failure. At least try to make things work before you give up. You and your husband will thank you later for being tough.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at [email protected] and be sure to follow me on Twitter.