I am so lost. I don’t know what to do anymore. Aside from this issue, everything is totally fine, but I am honestly considering divorce if he doesn’t stop treating me this way every time I ask him to use his sleep apnea machine. The whole thing is just absolutely ridiculous and never gets resolved in the morning. He just acts like nothing happened. It’s absolutely mind-blowing. — Pregnant and Sleepless
What’s most concerning here isn’t the snoring keeping you awake; it’s how nasty your husband treats you when you ask him to wear the sleep mask. The yelling and name-calling and telling you — his pregnant wife! — to go sleep on the couch is pretty disgusting. And while you say that aside from this issue everything is “totally fine,” that’s kind of like saying that aside from a car’s broken engine everything with it is honky-dory. Your marriage is in danger if your husband has the kind of anger management problem his behavior at night, after he’s been drinking, suggests he has. Does he ever act that way when he’s sober? How often is he, a married man with a baby (and another on the way!), going out for a few drinks, anyway?! The “unimaginable fights” you’re having on the regular are a symptom of something else — just like the snoring is a symptom of sleep apnea (and sleep apnea is usually the result of obesity which is, itself, a health hazard, especially if it’s coupled with excessive drinking and insomnia), and it is absolutely imperative you seek some counseling together to address what’s going on. Essentially, your marriage needs a sleep mask and I’m telling you to put it on. Not only does the future of your marriage depend on it, but also I am concerned that your husband’s physical health is in grave danger as well.
In the meantime, I’d suggest ear plugs for you and a white noise machine. If those do nothing to mask the sound of the snoring – pun intended, please consider setting up a bed in another room to sleep on (of course, it should be your husband’s responsibility to re-locate, but if he’s going to fight you on that, then move yourself): a mattress in your baby’s room, the sofa, a spare room if you’re lucky enough to have one. But ultimately, while these short-term fixes might help you get a few hours of sleep, they don’t solve the real problem. They don’t fix the broken engine in the car, and until that is addressed — again, with the help and guidance of a professional or several professionals — I don’t see how you and your family can move forward.
I don’t think it’s that strange that there’s a colleague of your boyfriend’s who lives four hours away whom you haven’t met. I certainly have not met all of my husband’s colleagues and he and I have been together nearly fourteen years. The issue here is that you believe that she and your husband are more than just colleagues – that they have a personal relationship outside of work — and you’re right. They’ve vacationed together and they’ve had sex with each other. They also exchange birthday cards apparently, and they text regularly (though he claims the contact is all work-related). So, while I don’t think it’s strange that you wouldn’t have met this woman organically, I do think it’s very strange that your boyfriend seems to refuse to introduce you even after you’ve asked to be introduced. That’s very telling.
You’re clearly jealous of this woman and feel unease about the nature of her relationship with your husband or, at the very least, the history they share. You’d think your boyfriend would be eager to show you how little there is to worry about, and the best way to do that would be to introduce you so you could see for yourself the lack of chemistry between them. Sure, it might be strange to invite you to a work lunch, but that should be a small price to pay to give you reassurance that there’s nothing unsavory going on between him and this woman he’s slept with, vacationed with, and is in regular contact with.
Your gut is telling you something, right? And your boyfriend is telling your something different. Which one do you believe more? And which is fighting the most to get you to trust it? If the man you live with who says he loves you isn’t willing to invite you to a lunch to give you some peace of mind – if you NEED to be invited to a lunch to have some peace of mind — then that’s a pretty loud indicator of the answers to these questions.