It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I think you should have discussed this (and all these other topics) before moving in together, especially considering there are two kids involved. And since you didn’t, and you are asking me what the correct answer is, I’m guessing you want to pay less than half the rent and, knowing your girlfriend might not be happy with that set-up, you’re hoping a third party backs you up. I’m not going to be that third party. I think it’s shitty that you didn’t tell her before moving in with her and her two daughters that you didn’t want to be responsible for half the rent. (To be fair, I think it’s shitty of her as a mother to move some guy into her family home without ironing out important details like how to split the bills). Obviously, you need to talk about it ASAP, but don’t be surprised if she’s not thrilled with your idea of fair.
If you never had space and time away from each other, nothing about a relationship will be different than it was before. If you want the same problems you had (and I’m guessing those included communication issues), sure, ask if he’s ready to label your relationship. If you want to not have the same problems you had before, you need to not see or speak to him for a while (like a couple of months, at least) before actively discussing whether you’re ready to be in a relationship again. “Letting it happen” is a bullshit excuse for being lazy and giving yourself an easy way out when something better comes along.
You’re right — it’s not normal for a grown man to check out young girls. It’s also not normal for a woman to stay with a man who doesn’t look at her or touch her. I can’t believe marriage with this loser is even anywhere near the realm of possibility for you. The guy is sick, but, even if he weren’t, he doesn’t pay attention to you. That’s reason enough to MOA.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].