However, the distance is so hard on us, and we both decided to be best friends now and develop a loving relationship once I move. I’m going to visit him again and he had planned a surprise for me — to ask me to be his girlfriend and try work it out until I move there. Unfortunately, he called me yesterday crying and saying that he had gotten a girl pregnant from a one-night stand. He’s ready to take on the responsibility of raising the baby, but he wants nothing to do with the girl. She is threatening to not let him see the baby if he doesn’t stay with her.
He says he still wants to stay with me, if I’m ok with the situation, but I’m afraid that, once this girl starts developing a bump and the pregnancy shows, he will feel too connected to her and will want to stay with her for the sake of the baby. I really love him, and I’m willing to stay with him and support and accept this baby, but I am also afraid that he will decide to stay with her. What should I do? — Competing with a Bump
Gurrl, you’ve met this guy in person ONCE. Sure, you may have a fantastic long-distance friendship, but that’s all it is at this point. You can’t have a real relationship based on just one face-to-face visit. You don’t know what a day-to-day life with him is like. There’s a lot you don’t know. Even if there were no baby mama in the picture, it would be premature to say he’s your boyfriend at this point.
I hope you aren’t moving to London FOR this guy. If you are, don’t. Either don’t go, or find some other reason to be there. But don’t move for some guy you’ve met once who got another girl pregnant recently. If you already have another reason for moving, don’t change your plans, but don’t go thinking you and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend either. Continue your friendship and just play it by ear. Who knows where things will lead or what kind of relationship he’s going to maintain with his baby’s mother. As premature as it is to call yourself his girlfriend at this point, it’s just as premature start to predicting what will eventually come between you.
Play it by ear, keep your options open, and do not commit to this guy until you’ve lived in the same city for AT LEAST three months and have a better idea what his life is like and what his relationship is with this other woman. Frankly, I’d wait until the baby was born before deciding whether I’d stay with this guy.
In a related column, a woman wrote about how her new boyfriend got a woman pregnant a month before they began dating. My response to her, as well as her update, may be of some help to you and give you some insight about what kinds of challenges the future could hold.
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