The first time I was alerted there was a problem was when the neighbor left a rude note on my car window “PARK IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE!”. I responded by leaving a note on my car window saying, “MERRY CHRISTMAS, I HAVE BEEN PARKING HERE FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS, AND NO ONE EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I AM NOT IN YOUR WAY AND I AM NOT BLOCKING ANY DRIVEWAY. I AM ONLY PARKED HERE DUE TO THE CHRISTMAS LIGHT SHOW IN MY YARD. WE ONLY PARK HERE A FEW HOURS A DAY. MY PARKING HERE DOES NOT CAUSE YOU ANY HARM. HAPPY HOLIDAYS.” The next day, she left a note on my car that said “DO NOT PARK HERE!!!” and she signed it “HOA.” I went to work and looked up our CC&R’s and that’s when I found that when residents can park in their driveway/garage, they must do so.
While I was at work, the neighbor moved her car and parked on the street where I was parking. There is no reason for her to park here — she has a garage and open driveway where she can park. She and the other new neighbor were outside making this plan to park in the spot that she didn’t want me to park in. So, this neighbor thinks it’s OK for someone else to park there, but not me. The thing is, she is breaking the HOA rules, and I wasn’t. The rules say no one can park longer than 24 hours at any given time, and the parking spaces should be for people who can’t park in their garage/driveway.
I want to write a letter to both of the neighbors asking them why it’s OK for one neighbor to park in front of their house for the sole purpose of keeping me from parking there and why it’s OK for them to break the HOA rules. I want them to know how petty and how selfish they are being and how they are acting like 6-year-olds. I want the letter to shame them for acting like this during this time of year. For the past six years, all the other neighbors have loved my light show, and then Scrooge moves in and wants to act like this. We live in a cul-de-sac and the only place to park without blocking a driveway is that one spot. Can you give me some help with writing the letter? I want it to be written in such a way that it makes them feel about 2″ tall. — Between Light and Wrong
If your car blocks your Christmas light show so much that the integrity of the experience is compromised, it probably isn’t such a great light show after all. Conversely, if none of your neighbors whom you say have loved your light show for the past six years are speaking out against the injustice of another neighbor parking on the street, where you want to park your car to keep your driveway open in an effort to provide optimal viewing of your light show, it’s possible your neighbors aren’t as into it as you think they are. At any rate, YOU are the one who sounds petty and hypocritical.
That you want to write a nasty note to your new neighbors in an effort to make them feel 2″ tall makes me wonder whether your light show is truly motivated by a desire to spread Christmas cheer or just some good old fashioned narcissism. Either way, continuing this battle over a parking spot is juvenile. If you want to help create a positive vibe in your neighborhood, extend an olive branch to your new neighbors. Apologize for over-reacting, explain that this tradition of showing off your light show has become a meaningful and important one for you, and ask if there’s a compromise that can be met. If a group of adults seriously cannot come to compromise over a parking spot for a few weeks of the year, take it to your HOA leader and let that person figure it out.
I love him, and I deeply want the relationship. I think he has a pure heart, and I do understand the importance of this job. However, this relationship does ask me to give up a LOT (family, friends, sense of belonging, job opportunities) so that he can have all of those things. At the same time that I’m so happy to watch him experiencing his friends and close family, I feel sadness that I could have those things and don’t. I feel like I’m constantly in “his world.” I can make peace with this in the short-term, but I panic when I imagine raising a family under these circumstances.
I’m not asking that he move now, but I am saying that after I put some years into supporting his career and possibly starting a family, I want to know that he would look for a job that would bring us closer to my home. He won’t commit to this. He says he will do “whatever is best for us” in the future, and he thinks this should be enough, but it doesn’t settle my fears.
Life is unpredictable, and I’d feel crazy ending the relationship over circumstances that can change when I love him so much. But I also think there are realities to the situation that I am struggling to make peace with, and I know it’s not fair to either of us if I am unhappy or anxious about the future. Should I tough it out and put more time into seeing if I can be happy? Or am I in denial and just trying to hold onto something that isn’t going to work? What do I do? — In Denial?
This is much simpler than you think it is. You are looking for some assurance – some commitment – from your boyfriend that he would be willing to leave LA and raise a family with you elsewhere. He won’t give you that commitment. He isn’t even pretending to give that kind of commitment. He won’t even commit to looking for a job where your family and friends live one day, years from now.
Do you know how easy it is to tell someone you’re going to do something years from now knowing how much life changes and how little a commitment to look for a job years from now actually means? Be grateful he won’t lie to you and lead you on. Be grateful he is giving you a very clear indication of how much interest he has in leaving LA eventually (he has literally zero interest or intention to ever do this). I know it’s hard, but I’d get out of this relationship sooner rather than later. The longer you stay with someone who doesn’t share long-term goals with you, the harder it is to move on when you finally decide to make the leap.