We both live at our respective parents’ houses, and while her parents have been nothing but welcoming, my parents don’t want to involve themselves — or see anyone else in my family involved — with my current girlfriend. I asked if she could come to our family Christmas celebration, and my mum said it would be weird because she and my dad have only met her once (this being because they didn’t want to meet her earlier because it was “too soon”). I don’t think it’s asking too much that my girlfriend be included in my family’s Christmas, and why should I not be able to see her from morning til night on such a special day? If I don’t go to Christmas lunch, I’m an asshole according my family, but my mum doesn’t understand that I love my girlfriend so much that she feels like family to me now, too.
The fact that no one else close to me wants to share my happiness in finding someone new just makes my heart ache. What should I do? — Must Spend Christmas With My Girlfriend
Quit being such a drama queen. For one thing, your girlfriend of two months isn’t “family,” no matter how much you think you love her. For another thing, good God, it won’t kill you to not spend “morning til night” with your girlfriend, even on a special day like Christmas. If her family has been so welcoming of you, go spend part of the day at their place, if you’ve been invited, and part of the day with your own family. There’s no reason you can’t have Christmas lunch with your parents and then go have dinner with her. Or open presents with her in the morning and then get to your parents’ home in time for lunch. Or spend Christmas Eve with her and reunite again on Boxing Day or whatever. I mean, God, this one day — and your parents’ preferences about whom they invite to their home on this one day — aren’t a reflection of your relationship. Quit taking it so personally. Here’s a thought: Maybe your parents have been less than enthusiastic about your new relationship because they want to make sure this is something more than a rebound before they invest themselves in getting to know your girlfriend.
Honestly, your whole letter sounds like a great big wah-wah-whine fest and you’re too damn old for all that nonsense. At 29, it’s time for you to take some responsibility for your actions and your life and your decisions. Upset that you can’t bring your girlfriend over to your parents’ home for Christmas? Maybe it’s time to get your own home so you can have girlfriends over whenever you want. Afraid your family will think you’re an asshole if you skip Christmas lunch with them in favor of going to your girlfriend’s family’s home? Oh well. Sometimes when adults make decisions, other adults don’t like those decisions. Guess what — life goes on, people get over it, and then they find something else to get their panties in a bunch over. Lather, rinse, repeat for eternity. Happy holidays, everyone.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].