It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My fiancé is a great man, but I cannot come to terms with the fact that he tries to please everyone while avoiding my needs. There is only a month until the wedding. What would you do? — Cold Feet Bride
The reason you can’t come to terms with the fact that your fiancé tries to please everyone else while avoiding your needs is because you have at least half a brain, which should be enough smarts for you to cancel or, at the very least, postpone the wedding. And if you have a whole entire brain, you will explicitly express your needs to this man, give him three months to show he can accommodate you, and, if he shows no sign of caring what you want, you will MOA.
He does. So what? Be more concerned about your brief breakup and why he went running to three other women in ten days instead of working things out with his girlfriend of three years who happens to be the mother of his baby.
Honestly, you sound like someone who could benefit from living on her own for a little while instead of going straight from your parents’ home to your fiancé’s home. I’d suggest moving into your own place — either by yourself or with a roommate — for a year and THEN moving in with your fiancé. It may be the only year you ever have in your whole life to do exactly what YOU want to do, and it will go a long way in forming some independence so that you may be better able to stand up for yourself in the future.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].