You need to begin with compassion. Tell your wife that you understand this may be a shock and initially take some time to process, but your wearing women’s underwear doesn’t change who you are, it doesn’t change your sexuality, and it doesn’t change the way you feel about your wife. Explain to her how wearing women’s underwear makes you feel and why you enjoy it. Is this something you would like to incorporate in your sex life with your wife if she were ever open to it? Let her know that (but be understanding if she’s not open to it yet or if it takes her some time to get there). And tell her that there’s a smaller chance of your daughter discovering what kind of underwear you wear than there is of her discovering what kind of underwear anyone else wears. If she sees it in the laundry, she’ll assume it belongs to your wife. And, so what if she does find out one day that you like wearing women’s underwear? Kids discover much worse about their parents all the time and turn out fine. As long as you love your daughter and care for her and give her the time and attention she needs and deserves, what you wear under your clothes really has no bearing on her or your relationship with her at all.
Finally, you can remind your wife that it’s because you trust her so much that you’ve been open with her about this particular interest of yours and that lots of men who cross-dress keep their wives in the dark, leading them to think their behavior is indicative of cheating. You can share these columns below with her to help give some perspective and let her know she’s not alone and that you can go on to have a wonderful relationship together even as you wear lace panties:
“I Found Thong Panties in My Husband’s Laundry”
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].