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We feel comfortable leaving our kids alone for a few hours, but not all night. The truth is we are terribly overprotective. We’ve never let them sleep over with any of their friends, and, while we’d be comfortable with relatives watching them overnight, we’re not comfortable with anyone else watching them. That probably isn’t rational or even very good for them or us, but that’s the way we are. We took a weekend getaway a few months ago when my mom was in town, and it was wonderful. My wife loved it. We had some great meals and nice walks. And there is something really nice about slow, leisurely sex.
As for my Valentine’s Day plan, I was kind of surprised by my wife’s reaction. I’m not sure if it’s just too “sexually-oriented” for her or if this is really an anxiety issue regarding the kids. Do you think the idea was not conventionally romantic enough? — By The Hour
I’m… confused. Can’t you have sex at home? Is it not sexy enough to have sex at home? I mean, I get that it’s exciting to do it somewhere else, but, if my husband and I had only five hours to ourselves (For free! No need to pay a babysitter! How liberating!) and I knew we could get frisky when we got back, I’d prefer to spend the five hours away from home doing stuff I couldn’t, you know, do at home. But that’s just a personal preference. And I can appreciate that, if you’ve been married many years and want to spice things up, getting a nice (or not nice) hotel room for a few hours could fit the bill.
So, maybe the hotel idea wasn’t “conventionally romantic” enough for your wife. Or maybe she, like me, would prefer getting out-out — going to a unique restaurant or a concert or a swanky bar (or a dive bar) or seeing a movie. Hell, you could still get a room for an hour or two at the end of the night before you head home. But, yeah, maybe the idea of spending five hours having slow, leisurely sex at the end of which you have to hurry and get dressed and rush home to the kids sounds… I don’t know, counter-productive. To me, you either have all night to take it slow and easy OR you have an hour or two hours max to have a quick, wam-bam, hot sex session. Trying to squeeze in nice and slow and romantic in a five-hour time block (and not even that since you have to get to the hotel and then get home within that five-hour frame) in a hotel room you aren’t even going to sleep in doesn’t sound very fun… or relaxing (but, again, that’s just my personal preference).
On a different note, it’s time to let your kids sleep over at their friends’ houses. Unless they have super special needs or you’re in some sort of weird cult or something, it’s just bizarre-o that you are THAT overprotective that your kids have never ever gone to a sleepover. That’s some Tiger Mom shit there. Let them go! Loosen the leash a little. Even if you’re up all night worrying about them, it’s important that they start establishing some independence (especially the 14-year-old, sheesh) and build bonds and memories with their friends. “That’s just the way we are” isn’t a good enough reason to keep your kids from enjoying a well-rounded childhood and adolescence. WHY is it just the way you are? And why does your wife worry that something would happen to the kids while you were gone from 6-11? Is she not comfortable leaving a 14-year-old home alone? You say you’re comfortable leaving the kids alone for a few hours, but it doesn’t sound like your wife is. What it sounds like is the two of you need to sit down and get on the same page in more ways than one.
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