She doesn’t seem to appreciate how much guests are going to pay to attend, and often complains about how much the wedding is costing her. Most of the time it’s relatively harmless (she was trying to choose between two resorts and said she was wary of choosing one, even though it would be cheaper for her guests and possibly better in other ways, because it would be more expensive for her and her fiancé; she mentioned not thinking it was totally fair that they’ll have to pay the resort for the meal we eat at the reception, since all of the guests will be staying at the resort and it’s all-inclusive; etc.). But a few examples have been a little more upsetting. For one, she mentioned that rather than her paying for her bridesmaids to get their hair and makeup done, maybe we could just use the resort credit we’d receive upon booking our rooms to pay for our own hair and makeup. And another time, she laughed at the idea of providing fun “welcome bags” to her guests because “that would cost more money.”
Jen and I both love her and understand she’s probably just blowing off steam, but I worry how it might come off if she’s also talking this way to other would-be guests and/or members of the wedding party (none of whom are, as far as I know at this point, having any of their travel, accommodations, or wedding outfits paid for by the couple – although that could change as the date gets closer). A few other things she’s said have made me wonder if her eyes aren’t completely open to what a destination wedding might mean for her guests – for example, she’s talked in the past about what kind of wedding gifts her fiancé is looking forward to receiving. In my experience, guests may not give them more than token gifts since they’re paying so much to attend the wedding in the first place.
Should I say something to her about keeping comments like these in check, or just assume she’s blowing off steam to her closest friends and not worry about it? — Steamed-up Bridesmaid
Shouldn’t one’s closest friends be the kind of people you treat kindly and with respect and not act like an entitled beyotch to? I think so. And I think YOU think so too, and that’s why you’re writing to me. I don’t believe you are only concerned with what Emily might be saying and how she might be portraying herself to other people; I think you’re concerned that she’s behaving like an entitled brat to YOU and that you might begin to resent her if you don’t speak up. So speak up! Absolutely, give her a reality check. It’s your job both as her close friend and as her bridesmaid to be like, “Hey, Em, you know I love you, but, dude, you need to bring it down a few notches. You’re beginning to act like a crazy Bridezilla.”
I would then use some specific examples — like the ones you’ve shared here — to point out her less-than-cool attitude and behavior and tell her that you’re sure she’s just stressed out and blowing off steam, but she’s in danger of coming across as ungrateful. Tell her you aren’t thinking twice about what attending her destination wedding is costing you (except for when you are), and that she’s your close friend and you’re happy to spend the money to be able to support her in person on her big day, but for a lot of people (maybe even you?), going to a destination wedding blows one’s vacation budget for an entire year and uses a big chunk of their vacation time from work. She needs to respect that and understand that in addition to celebrating her wedding, guests will be trying to enjoy some vacation-like activities, too — including using their resort credit to do something for themselves.
Also, my God, I can’t believe she’s bitching about having to pay for her guests’ meal at her freakin’ wedding reception (all-inclusive resort or not). I’m sorry, but that’s one of the tackiest, cheapest, most ungracious things I’ve ever heard and says a lot about her character, or at the very least, her current mindset. Be a friend and give this girl a reality check, stat — before you’re the only person left who still wants to be her friend!
You can follow me on Facebook here and Twitter here.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.