Years ago I had a friend whose rich parents still partially supported her (we were in our mid- and late-20s at the time). That in itself would never have ended the friendship, but as I discovered how materialistic and braggy and patronizing about money this woman turned out to be, I quickly became turned off. It began subtly enough – off-the-cuff remarks about an expensive handbag she found on eBay and how I “might be able to find a knock-off at Target” and a snarky admission that she could never work for below a certain salary (which was about twice what I was making at the time). It got worse over the year or so that we were friends until I could take it no longer, and I haven’t spoken to her in nearly 15 years. I realized I had a deal-breaker when it came to friendships: uber materialism/bragging about money. Any hint of that BS in a new acquaintance now and I put the brakes on getting closer.
One thing I’ve been hearing a lot over the past year and a half is how some friendships – and romantic relationships, of course – have met similar endings. The pandemic has brought a lot of things into sharp focus that were previously a little murky, including what we can and cannot tolerate in those we choose to spend time with. So, I posed the question on my Instagram stories yesterday (What Deal-Breakers Did You Not Know You Had Until You Experienced Them?) and I got some great replies. Here are a few of them:
How about you? Are there any dealbreakers you have when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships that you didn’t know you had until you experienced them?