“Oops, I Hooked Up with My Crush’s Twin”

A few months ago, I randomly hooked up with this guy, “Sam,” after going to my friend’s 22nd birthday. Sam and I didn’t see or talk to each other again until three months later when a friend threw me a 21st birthday party. That night, I learned that Sam went to high school and is still really close friends with this guy that I like, “Jordan,” and Jordan’s twin, “Josh.” Over the next few weeks, Sam and I hooked up several more times.

Less than a week after our last hookup, Sam and I went to a party at Jordan and Josh’s place where Sam told me that we couldn’t keep hooking up because he was starting to talk to another girl, which I was totally fine with. Later in the evening, I was fairly intoxicated and everyone was going to bed so I tried to find a spot in the house to crash for the night. Jordan was in his room passed out with the door shut. Josh was in his bed, but still awake so I asked him if there was an open bed or couch I could crash on for the night. Josh told me I could just stay in his bed and we ended up hooking up.

The next morning Josh had to leave early for work and Jordan woke up the whole house when he had to go to the bathroom at 8:30 in the morning. Jordan saw me walking around downstairs looking for some water and trying to figure out why I was awake so early. We both went back upstairs to try to sleep more. Later in the morning, Jordan came into Josh’s room while I was still trying to get some sleep and saw me, fully clothed and by myself in Josh’s bed. I don’t know if Jordan knows about Josh and me hooking up, but I have a feeling that the fact that he found me in Josh’s bed might have given it away. I know that Jordan and Josh knew about me hooking up with Sam and I am afraid that I might have ruined any chance I had with Jordan since I have now hooked up with his friend and his twin brother.

What should I do and have I totally ruined any chance of ever having anything with Jordan? — Twin Peaks

Uh, yeah, you’ve probably ruined your chance with Jordan since you’ve now hooked up with his friend and his twin. There’s really nothing you can do about that except be a little more judicious in the future about who you hook up with. Tip: if you like someone, for the love of God, don’t hook up with his twin!!!

*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com and be sure to follow me on Twitter.


  1. Duh?

    Thanks, Wendy, for such a concise response to such an OBVIOUS question.

  2. It’s not really an ‘oops’ if you knew it was Josh. Just sayin’.

    1. Exactly!!! We are talking about someone who didn’t know if they had ruined their chances with one twin by sleeping with the other though. I can’t believe she even had to ask that question. Even if he hasn’t told his twin yet, you know he will if she tries to go out with his brother. I know I would, and while twins may share alot of things growing up, I doubt she is going to be one of them.

  3. My sister and I don’t even consider going after guys who have hooked up with one of us in the past. I imagine a similar code is stronger when your sibling is a twin. I think your chances with Jordan were blown when you hooked up with his friend – and they’re now non-existent since you’ve hooked up with his twin. If they’re kinky and/or have some sexual bucket list, the most you could salvage with Jordan could be a potential hook-up in return, yet forget any chances of developing a romantic relationship with him.

    1. tinywormhole says:

      Totally agreed. I am a twin, and for whatever reason, not only an issue of respect but also ICK ICK ICK x 1000 to the idea of hooking up with someone she had hooked up with in the past, and vice versa. We’ve both been partnered for years now but the idea still sends shivers up my spine.

      Not saying it’s the same for everyone but certainly the case for us.

    2. I recently have been hooking with a guy whose twin I hooked up with like a year ago. I never had sex with the first one, we just had a brief mutual crush thing and made out a few times. I’m pretty sure the twin I’m casually seeing now knows, but its never been brought up…I guess he’s all right with it?

  4. sweetleaf says:

    Did anyone else find that whole scenario just plain confusing? Jordan this, Sam that, Josh’s bed, Jordan’s getting ready for work, Sam’s hookin’ up.Jordan, Sam, Josh. Sam, Jordan, Josh. Josh, Jordan Sam…wha?

    1. cookiesandcream says:

      hahahaha, yeah I definitely didn’t follow the letter the first time I read it… I don’t even know why the LW bothered to write in about this because something tells me that this time next month she’ll have forgotten all about this and moved onto a different crush….

      1. lets_be_honest says:

        I think your comment sums up the reality of LW’s short-term future.

    2. Yup, I had to read it several times just to figure what was going on as well.

    3. Haha. I barely understood it. I’m not reading it a second time, though. Just going to take Wendy’s word for it that she lost her chance.

      1. sweetleaf says:

        Yep, I was so confused and I’m sure I would have understood if i went back through again, but I didn’t want to put that much effort into it. Reading the comments are fun though! @ cookiesandcream I think you’re right about this whole thing being forgotten by the LW.

  5. Yeah, you’re definitely not going to be Jordan’s girlfriend in this lifetime. If they’re a little bit sketchy, though, you could probably finagle a hookup.

  6. fast eddie says:

    I bet that Jordan already knows and all three guys have had a brag fest over it. Depending on the groups cultural mores, this should be no problem at all. We’ve all done stuff while drunk and sober that was out of character. Don’t wear a sandwich board that declares your indiscretions but if they bring it up, face it head on. Nothing happened that any of you have reason to regret.

  7. JennyTalia says:

    How much do you really like this guy if you’re hooking up with his friends and family? Grow up.

    1. honeybeenicki says:

      That’s exactly what I was wondering.

    2. cookiesandcream says:

      Maybe she wanted to get close to his friends and family so they would start telling her crush how awesome she is….. heh….

      1. rob ottapocalypse says:

        in bed.

    3. Not to mention I’m pretty sure the LW never even talked about having a crush on the other twin… Unless I missed it

      1. JennyTalia says:

        I missed it the first time too.

        “this guy that I like, ‘Jordan,’ “

  8. silver_dragon_girl says:

    Well, I think you *might* have a shot with Jordan…in 5-10 years or so, when all this is just “crazy college shenanigans” and water under the bridge and whatnot. Maybe. It kinda depends on what you do and how often you see them all during that time.

    I definitely wouldn’t hold my breath, though.

    Also, I suggest watching seasons 7-9 of Friends for insight into the dynamics that can happen when people sleep with/date more than one person in the same circle of pals.

  9. GatorGirl says:

    I think it depends on your circle of friends. My college group of friends had no problem with hooking up with in the circle (I did not partake)…same with my boyfriends. If you like Jordan, go for it.

  10. ReginaRey says:

    I’m more interested in this snippet: “Sam and I didn’t see or talk to each other again until three months later when a friend threw me a 21st birthday party. That night, I learned that Sam went to high school.”

    Hold up. You’re 21? And Sam is in high school? And Sam is good friends with Jordan and Josh, too? Are THEY in high school??

    I think the real lesson you need to learn from this is: You are 21!! You are a GROWN ASS WOMAN! Stop hooking up with high schoolers!!! I pray that they were over 18, but even most seniors in high school are 17 for at least a part of their school year. Also, this dude you were hooking up with says “Oh hey I can’t hook up anymore, I’ma get with this other chick,” and that didn’t even phase you?! What is this, middle school?? Where you just switch who you’re dating one day, and no one blinks? No, I guess it’s HIGH SCHOOL, my bad.

    Girl, it’s time to grow up and start setting your sites on guys your own age, and who aren’t questionably on the border of underage. If you’re hanging out, getting wasted, and hooking up with high schoolers at 21, you do not have your shit together. It’s time to get that shit together!

    I’m not sure why you’re exposed to high schoolers in your social circle at the age of 21. Perhaps you aren’t in college and still in your hometown. That’s fine! But for God’s sake woman, put on the big girl pants! Start taking classes at your local community college, pursue an internship, work part-time at something that will help to build your resume, and start thinking about how you want the next 5-10 years of your life to progress. Start formulating some goals and taking steps to achieve them. That would be a MUCH better use of your time than continuing to party with high schoolers. I mean, really. Do you want to be that creepy girl who never grew up and still shows up at all the high school parties?! The one they just use for booze? Girl, it’s time to move up and onwards.

    1. I still had friends in high school when I was in college. We were in same social group because we were all into the same type of music.

      1. ReginaRey says:

        I did too, for sure! I don’t think having a few friends in high school when you’re 21 is a big deal. But I think hooking up with a high schooler at the age of 21 crosses a line, and doesn’t reek of maturity.

      2. The letter definitely does NOT reek of maturity. I do think 21 year olds wildly vary in terms of maturity.

      3. SpaceySteph says:

        This a million times. I think the downthread comments are right about them all not being high schoolers anymore but man does this sound like a plot from 90210 (and not the good one)!

        Grow the fuck up.

      4. ReginaRey says:

        Yeah, I’m glad that perhaps she meant that everyone was out of high school. But that doesn’t take away from the vast quantities of immaturity that came seeping from this letter. The “grow the fuck up” message is relevant, regardless.

      5. rob ottapocalypse says:

        How many people here are dating men 10+ years their senior?

        This isn’t as creepy as a guy fishing in a highschool, and many of the women here are 20-somethings dating 30-somethings, meaning that the man would be in college when the woman would be in fifth grade.

      6. theattack says:

        Obviously the age at which the people date makes a difference. There’s nothing wrong with two adults dating each other with a huge age difference. When it comes to minors and adults, or minors with much younger minors, it’s very different. A 7 year old is very different from a 17 year old, but a 27 year old and a 37 year old would have a lot in common.

      7. Largebill says:

        Exactly. Your age when you meet can dramatically change the weirdness of the age difference. My wife has a few years on me. However, I was 28 when we met so it wasn’t weird. If we had met when she was in high school the three year difference would have been massive. Once you’re in your 30’s a five year difference in age is nothing. When you’re in your 50’s a ten year difference is no big deal.

    2. I read that as “went to high school with [and is still really good friends with] J & J,” for what it’s worth.

      1. That is how I read it too…I would think if Sam and the Js were currently in high school the LW would probably have phrased it “Sam goes to high school” instead of past tense.

        But, if ReginaRay read that right, I’ll agree with her =)

      2. ReginaRey says:

        If that’s the case, then I apologize for my rant! I’m hoping you’re right…

      3. AnitaBath says:

        This is definitely also how I read it.

      4. ape_escape says:

        yeah I felt like that was extremely obvious, too.

    3. NO she said “I learned that Sam went to high school and is still really close friends with this guy that I like” ….so I took that as he went to high school with the twins but they had all graduated already.

      1. JennyTalia says:

        I know she said “Sam went to high school and is still really close friends with,” but she doesn’t seem to have the wherewithal to express what she meant. I took it as the three boys went to high school together and are still close.

      2. ReginaRey says:

        Ok, that makes me feel better!

    4. I think she meant “went to high school WITH” in the letter, meaning they went to high school together and are still good friends.

      1. oh, i see that’s already been discussed 🙂

    5. Something More Than Blah says:

      “Also, this dude you were hooking up with says “Oh hey I can’t hook up anymore, I’ma get with this other chick,” and that didn’t even phase you?! What is this, middle school?? ”

      No, it’s called a casual relationship. Friends with benefits. A piece of ass. It’s not unheard of to be in a relationship for the sex and not be emotionally involved. Calm down.

  11. OMG, I can’t believe Jordan woke everyone in the house up so early at 8:30 in the morning! What an ass, who uses the bathroom that early! I seriously can’t remember the last time I slept that late, even on the nights I’m out until 2:00 in the morning haha. Oh how I miss being 21 one, and being able to drink all night, get up ant 12:00, and then sit around with my friends, and make fun of that one girl who has hooked up with all of them, and then talk about who is going to be the next that she is going to hook up with. Oh the silliness!

    1. Ha. This comment made me pause and think if I was ever “that girl”. Thank goodness I can confidently say I wasn’t.

      1. Haha I know, and even if you were it’s ok. It’s not like there is anything wrong with that. When I played football in college, there were a couple of girls like that, and I actually am still friends with a couple of those girls, and they are married, have kids, and really nice lives so it’s not like that ruined their lives, or made them bad people I don’t want to letter writer to think that is what I’m saying. They did what they wanted to do, and had fun doing it. I just wanted her to know that is probably what the guys were doing after, and hooking up with Jordan is probably not off the table, but dating him might be… For now. You never know what could happen in 5 years.

    2. cookiesandcream says:

      Yeah… when I was reading the letter I thought the worst part was when Jordan woke up everyone in the house when he had to use the bathroom because I really don’t want to know what that really means… it’s bringing back some unfortunate memories from college…

      1. Partaking in the act of vomitting can be quite rambunctious.

    3. Yes…that sums up EXACTLY what happened when the dudes were hanging out hungover after the LW went home.

  12. A lot of guys wouldn’t have hooked up with you if you were repeatedly hooking up with their friend either….and definitely not his twin. Brothers share that stuff at the drop of a hat…unless it’s a girl with staying power.

    1. Yeah… I learned this one the hard way when I was younger.

  13. I’m surprised no one has suggested the old “Oh, that was JOSH? I thought that was YOU!” I think that’s your last card, LW.

    But there’s a lesson here. Watch what you eat when you drink. Trying to soak up all that alcohol with greasy, fried food can just result in you waking up the whole house at 830 in the morning when you’re on the toilet. That must have been a pretty violent handover dump to wake everyone. Poor bastard. Give Jordan some Tums and tell him you’ll forgive him for such a rude awakening if he’ll forgive you for fooling around with his twin.

    1. But what if they’re fraternal twins?

      1. No. That situation doesn’t work for me.

  14. I’d say that if you didn’t ruin your shot at the guy by hooking up with his friend, you definitely did by hooking up with his BROTHER. seriously?

  15. TheOtherMe says:

    I guess I’m the only one left dizzy by this letter ?

      1. excluding replies.

      2. TheOtherMe says:

        hihi thank you, my head is still spinning 😀

  16. Sue Jones says:

    Oh, jeez, keep your legs crossed, girl, and no more drunken sex, or you may end up knocked up and not know which twin is the father! Oy!

    1. iseeshiny says:

      But then she could pick whichever one she wanted!

  17. So, this isn’t a letter I would normally publish, but every once in a while it’s fun to give y’all a peek at some of the stuff I get to read on a daily basis that you aren’t usually privy to. And, yes, I go through a lot of Tylenol.

    1. This is definitely entertaining.

      1. sweetleaf says:

        Agreed. I was curious to know why you’d post a letter like this, but now that you stated your reason, I’m diggin’ it. Keep ’em rollin’

    2. honeybeenicki says:

      I can’t imagine what kind of crazy letters you get on a daily basis. I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg!

    3. lets_be_honest says:

      Awesome! I was wondering to myself why you bothered posting this, then tried to remind myself that someone’s biggest problem is just that: their biggest problem. In a way, good for this girl that her life is so easy going that this is all she has to write in about. Much easier than the last few posts of late.

    4. I think posting a lot of stories like this would be a great comic relief once you have had the baby! Nice and simple, with an easy answer from you, and chance for us get a little bit of relief with laughter after arguing all day about wedding etiquette, and parenting skills haha.

      1. AnitaBath says:

        Except it would be comic relief at the expense of another human being…

      2. Yeah I understand that, but it is another human being that is actually hoping for their situation to be put out there, for people to comment on… Ok yeah it does sound a little mean, I do like to laugh though! I’m so torn now

      3. AnitaBath says:

        I’m just saying I’m not comfortable mocking a LW because their letter was put up here as part of a “Look how stupid people can be!” segment. I mean, I guess there’s always that aspect of every letter, but for someone writing in hoping to receive some constructive advice about a situation (which is obviously a big deal to them because they’re writing in and hoping for advice), and then to see that their letter was put in a segment devoted to something like this, I imagine it would be pretty crushing. Kind of like kicking them while they’re down.


      4. Oh definitely I get what you’re saying, and if I put myself and their shoes, it definitely makes it worse. But also my SO is amazed/ashamed at the things I find funny sometimes, calls me out on it, and then I feel bad about it. I blame it on the crazy things I saw during freshman hazing sessions in football (mine wasn’t too bad, I danced to I’m a barbie girl, in a bra in panties in front of the girls soccer team), and watching my father be drunk all the time while growing up, and doing stupid things!

        *warning to everyone, all though that stuff did happen, I don’t really blame it on that. Somethings are just funny to me!

      5. Oh and I’m not the one thumbing you down, I definitely see where you are coming from on this.

      6. Yeah, I agree with you. It’s funny, but at the same time kind of sad. Even if they’re totally out of touch with reality, they’re expecting a real response.

      7. SpaceySteph says:

        I can see where you’re coming from, but sometimes the best thing an advice columnist can offer is a bit of perspective. A kick in the ass reminder that your problem is not that serious could actually help. This LW kinda needs to hear that she maybe acted kinda dumb, but in the grand scheme of things its not a big deal.

      8. 6napkinburger says:

        A little mean, but also lighthearted. And Wendy didn’t blow it off — she answered it the best she could. If she refused to give a legitimate answer and just made fun of the writer (like Prudence sometimes does), I think thats pretty douchy. But she gave the best answer she could, and we just get to look back on our youth with the wisdom of age and smile. I’ve been where this LW is (not literally, no twins for me) and thought it was super important at the time, and it caused great angst. Now, I think it was a funny time in my life. No harm no foul.

      9. lets_be_honest says:

        I agree with your concept of it “kicking them while they’re down,” but in a way it would be like the Shortcuts. Its such an obvious answer, maybe that alone would be a wake up call for the LWs. If you write in and your letter is posted under Look How Stupid People Can Be, maybe that would make the LWs realize how silly they are being.

      10. AnitaBath says:

        I don’t have a problem if it were more of a “grow up” segment, but “look how stupid people can be” is just going to consist of EVERY single comment being something along the lines of, “Haaaaa, idiot.” People tend to say that anyway, but when it’s ordained as stupid by Wendy, it kind of sets the comments up as just being ones that belittle the LW.

        Which, I’m not talking about this one alone. I’m just saying a Stupid People segment seems like a bad idea to me.

      11. lets_be_honest says:

        Bad idea…or a stupid idea? Haha. Agreed.

      12. social darwinism?

    5. This was perfect after yesterday’s letters. Definitely entertaining.

    6. Haha…that’s awesome. It would be cool to see more of these imo – the more ridiculous the better!

    7. ReginaRey says:

      Wendy, maybe you should start a: “Grow the Fuck Up” column, as a special place for letters like these.

      1. second the motion!

      2. SpaceySteph says:


      3. I agree with RR, a new category called ‘GTFU’.

        After reading this letter, I was going to write into Wendy and ask that she not publish anymore letters from 12 year olds on her site.

        I love Wendy but I can’t take too many more of these types of letters especially after yesterday’s bunch.

      4. I’m pretty sure the issue with one of the letters yesterday is that she wasn’t a 12 year old.

      5. Agreed. I didn’t want to say it though. 😉

      6. You’re always welcome to NOT read the site, you know. When you have a website, you can pick what you publish. Til then, quit complaining.

      7. And you’re free to NOT read other people’s comments and then comment on them with your comment.

        Really, Jena because I haven’t seen you make one constructive comment on this site other than to bash people for their comments or say something negative about the letters.

        Between you and Let’s_be_honest, I feel like I am stuck middle school. I would totally advise you to get a freakin’ life and stop trollin’. jeez.

      8. 6napkinburger says:

        Harsh much? I’m not jumping on AnitaBath’s meanie-bandwagon but that’s kind of unnecessary. How about a “The Joys of Youth” heading instead? or “To be young again”?

        I don’t fault the LW for writing in, or thinking this is her biggest problem, etc. Responses like “people are starving to death, and you’re worried about X?” are so not-helpful, to LWs and readers alike. Neither is “Grow up, this isn’t a problem, you’ll soon find out what real issues are.” Yes, clearly, she’s at a stage in her life where this is an issue worth writing in about; we no longer are/never were, so its amusing, but it isn’t hurting us that she is.

        And why should she “grow up” now? Enjoy it! One of my favorite stories from college was when my friend called me to come and pick her up at 8:30 am on a sunday, because she was HIDING IN THE BUSHES (literally) of this guy’s house she had stayed over the night before. Turns out, he took her to his childhood home, instead of back to his apartment that night, and at 8 in the morning, in walked his family, ready to go to church! Out the bathroom window she went, and into the bushes, in her miniskirt and heels. We had many discussions later that night about whether that made it impossible to date his friend that she had a crush on forever. What would life be without stories like that? Grow up when you need to!

      9. AnitaBath says:

        Wasn’t aware I was leading a meanie bandwagon.

      10. 6napkinburger says:

        Calling the others “meanies”, not that you were being mean. I didn’t mean that meanly.

        no more means for me.

      11. AnitaBath says:

        I didn’t even think I called someone mean, but no big deal (although I do recall calling someone judgmental).

        I lead a pretty good bandwagon though. Steady pace, filling rations, always taking the ferry. No one does of cholera on my watch!

      12. 6napkinburger says:

        Did you caulk the wagon or float it? (dirty!)

      13. I’m with Regina. I get that we do a lot of stupid stuff when we’re young, and the hiding in the bushes thing is a perfect and hilarious example, but LW just seems like she doesn’t understand basic human interaction. The level of ignorance is staggering and she needs some tough love.

      14. ReginaRey says:

        I think my take on it is…I don’t care how old you are, there’s really no excuse to be as immature and to lack as much foresight as this LW did. I mean, most 21 year olds can figure out that sleeping around with a dude’s brother and friend isn’t going to win him over. Grow up when you need to, sure, but there are some things that are dumb at any age.

      15. Britannia says:

        It actually IS helpful to point out that problems like these are not worth a person’s total time and devotion, because the sooner people realize that there are bigger problems in the world than the color of their jeans or their make-out sesh with a football player, the sooner they will start trying to help make the world the better place — efforts that the world desperately needs.

    8. Chilosa161 says:

      The amount of face-palming must be epic with some of these, although I imagine that sometimes it’s a slow advice day and all you get are “Should I get a cat with my boyfriend?” letters.

  18. Quakergirl says:

    Oh LW, did you even like Sam or Josh? If so, more power to you. Go nuts (and use a condom!) But if you didn’t, wtf were you thinking? If you’re trying to actually have a relationship with someone, a good rule of thumb is to avoid hooking up with his friends and relatives. Just something to consider for the future.

  19. My life is just too dull.

    1. I speak from experience, this kind of shit gets old reallllll fast, and you don’t miss it.

      1. I love other people’s drama now that I am a boring oldster in a happy relationship with a job and a dog. LOVE IT I TELL YOU.

      2. “Your drama, my entertainment.”

  20. LW:

    I have to agree with everyone here. If I was interested in someone, there is absolutely no way that I would hook up with one of his friends, much less his relatives. I understand you are 21 and made a stupid decision, like most of us have but clearly you are not mature enough to be in a serious relationship. Even if Josh was interested in you romantically, I am sure by now he has lost respect for you because of your actions. Live and learn.

    1. I have no idea why you have all the purple thumbs, everything you said is right on

  21. LW:

    I have to agree with everyone here. If I was interested in someone, there is absolutely no way that I would hook up with one of his friends, much less his relatives. I understand you are 21 and made a stupid decision, like most of us have but clearly you are not mature enough to be in a serious relationship. Even if Josh was interested in you romantically, I am sure by now he has lost respect for you because of your actions. Live and learn.

  22. What should you do? Maybe get tested for STD’s for starters.

    Beyond that…dear God, woman (I use that term loosely) you slept with his friend AND his brother and you wonder if you ruined your chances? YES. Your chances are beyond ruined – you blew them up with a damn rocket launcher.

    I’m curious as to why you were wandering around. What’s wrong with sleeping on the floor? I’ve done that more times than I care to count (some by choice…others not so much). In fact if you had done that this whole scenario could have been avoided.

    But the truth of the matter is you didn’t. Move on. Find another crush. I’m pretty sure this guy won’t want anything to do with you. And if he does? Probably not boyfriend material anyway. Unless you just want to hook up – then go ahead. Screw each other silly. Just prepared to be “that girl”. Which, hey, if you aren’t concerned about that – bless your heart.

    My advice? Find somebody else. And when you do: keep your damn legs crossed when you meet his friends and/or brother (or, for that matter, ANY FAMILY MEMBER). And next time you’re at a party and need a place to sleep? You won’t screw anything up by sleeping on the floor.

    1. AnitaBath says:

      Wow at your first line. Judgmental much?

      1. AnitaBath says:

        20 thumbs downers, I’d just like to congratulate you on keeping the “slut” stereotype alive and well.

      2. There’s a BIG difference between being the ‘of mature mind and body and choosing to sleep with someone on the first date “slut”‘ and the ‘I accidentally slept with my crush’s twin “slut”‘. If this girl had the sense to take responsibility for her behavior, no one would be calling her a slut (which I don’t think anyone did…). This girl doesn’t sounds like the sharpest crayon in the box and may not fully grasp the concept of STDs.

      3. AnitaBath says:

        “What should you do? Maybe get tested for STD’s for starters.”

        That was just unnecessary, and the only purpose was to imply that she was a slut. Especially when she “loosely” referred to her as a woman (because she’s obviously sub human if she’s a slut). I doubt Amanda said it because she was concerned for her health.

      4. bittergaymark says:

        Actually, it was good sound advice. ANYBODY who is sexually active should be tested for STDs. They should also know how to PROPERLY use birth control… I emphasize properly because almost all birth control “failures” result from improper usage. In other words, pilot error.

        Honestly, Anita, sometimes I think you look for reason to be outraged… Really… There is no shame in being a slut. But there IS shame in being a stupid, reckless/careless slut. And you know what? There is also a really big difference.

      5. AnitaBath says:

        Hold up. *I* look for a reason to be outraged? Pot, meet kettle.

        Sure, everyone should be tested. But there’s a difference between being judgmental and saying it because you think she’s a (bad) slut, and saying it out in a PSA or out of concern for someone’s health.

        And, correct me if I’m wrong, but she never actually said they bad sex. As we covered elsewhere, hooking up can mean so many different things to different people.

      6. bittergaymark says:

        Yes, but this pot finds better reasons to be outraged. I am outraged that some foolish girl has decided to play happy family with some guy she has known for all of two weeks… You are outraged that some poster on here suggested that somebody who clearly does sleep around a bit more than most be test for STDs…

        Oh, come on, Anita! They didn’t have sex? Really?! Do you REALLY think that if they had just talked or cuddled all night the LW would be writing in about it?! The LW clearly meant that she had sex with both of the boys in question. That’s why she was so worried she might have blown it… Hey, there’s nothing wrong with her doing that. (Other than the fact that she very well might have blown it….) But suggesting she be tested isn’t slut shaming… It’s offering sound advice.

      7. Theenemenyofmyenemyisagrilledcheesesandwich says:

        Nice double-entendre.

      8. bittergaymark says:

        hah! I was wondering if anybody was going to catch that. Sorry, I’ve been doing a lot of comedy improv and so I can’t seem to stop from slipping them in lately these days…

      9. Theenemenyofmyenemyisagrilledcheesesandwich says:

        Arg, can’t reply to your comment for some reason, but “slipping it in”?? HA.

      10. bittergaymark says:

        See? Terrible! Isn’t it? No matter how hard I try, I simply can’t stop myself from doing it…

      11. AnitaBath says:

        Outraged? Really? I don’t think I’ve used a single exclamation mark. Slightly annoyed, perhaps. Shaking my head at peoples stupidity, absolutely. But outraged? No.

      12. Skyblossom says:

        I think all men need to realize that the only way they know for sure that birth control is being used is if they are wearing a condom and make sure that they use it properly.

        I’m guessing, but my impression was that the young woman used no birth control because she said it was love at first sight, at least on her part, sounding as if she thought maybe she liked him more than he liked her. She is forcing a relationship that may have developed on it’s own but the forcing will probably destroy it before it has enough time to grow on it’s own. Especially when the baby arrives and he wasn’t planning on a baby at this point in his life. I think his resentment will destroy any chances that they had. That said, he is a big boy and knows how babies are made and chose to have unprotected sex (probably) with a woman he barily knew and now he is stuck with the consequences for the rest of his life. He messed up big time but he chose to mess up that way because he didn’t take responsibility for his own actions. She didn’t exactly get pregnant all by herself. He was a willing participant.

      13. honeybeenicki says:

        I think telling someone who has sex that very possibly (and seems very likely) had unprotected sex to get tested for STDs is actually quite good advice. Actually, even having protected sex, people should still be getting tested for STDs. Generally a good plan. Hell, I’m married and trust my husband very much but when I go in for my yearly physical and they ask if I want to be tested I say yes. You know why? Because its my body and you can never be too careful in caring for your body (that and my insurance covers it and encourages it).

      14. Just to clarify I meant “woman” vs “girl”. It was a maturity level issue. Not a human or not issue.

        I also wasn’t implying she was a slut. I was implying that she drunkenly slept with a guy she hardly knew. I doubt a lengthy conversation about his bill of health came up.

        Here: “Just [be] prepared to be “that girl”. Which, hey, if you aren’t concerned about that – bless your heart.”, I advise her that she might be viewed as a slut not that *I* think she is. And if she’s comfortable with that, more power to her!

      15. Britannia says:

        If you’re accusing people of “slut shaming”, I’d suggest getting down from that Third Wave Feminist soap box, because there is a big difference between being a sexually responsible and emotionally mature, non-monogamous, sexually active woman and a slut. A BIG difference.

        Is this LW sexually responsible? No.
        Emotionally mature (enough to understand and deal with the consequences of her actions)? No.
        Non monogamous? Yes.
        Sexually active? Yes.

        “Take back” the word “slut” if your feminist heart so desires, but realize that the word “slut” is derogatory for a reason – because a slut makes choices they can’t handle and endangers others’ health.

      16. Britannia says:

        *neofeminist. definitely not third wave feminist.

      17. Anonymous says:

        That really annoyed me too! Getting checked for STDs is a GREAT response to this letter! No one cares who/how many people you sleep with, but for gods sake, be safe.
        I am a feminist, and I would never take the advice to ‘get tested’ as slut-shaming straight off the bat. geez.

    2. 6napkinburger says:

      also. hookup can mean anything. I’m not gonna lie, in college, i may or maynot have slept in people’s beds because it seemed like a good place to sleep. Make out a little, maybe a little “light petting” (I loved having my back tickled), but you’re both drunk and you fall asleep. And that is also “hooking up”. So while of course, bro is probably not datable anymore, you don’t know what (or who) she did or did not do.

      1. AnitaBath says:

        As weird as it sounds, hook up tends to have different meanings depending on where you’re from. I’m from the Midwest, and I (and most of my friends) always thought hook up to meant going all the way. Then I got to college and my roommate was from the East Coast and some of the other girls were from Chicago, and they’d say hook up and mean just making out and/or fooling around. It was a comical few days before we were both on the same page. Now I just assume the lesser of two options, unless someone clarifies something different for me.

      2. Yeah around where I’m from (Southshore MA) it usually means just making out with a little extra touching involved. Hooking up never goes beyond a an HJ for a guy. After that it’s just sex, or whatever youthful term we used in our heyday!

      3. For me, hooking up meant “getting together and going out.” Thus, you could hook up with girl friends, guy friends, anybody, and just go see a movie.

      4. Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com says:

        My understanding of the term is that its intentionally vague. Could mean any of the above.

      5. Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Where I went to college, it was used with both AB’s and bagge72’s definition, so I could never tell which one. I think the lesser definition at my school was ‘everything but home base.’

      6. I was thinking the same thing. Nowadays I see hookup as “sex” but in college and at 21, hook up was more…making out, snuggling, petting, maybe some friskiness but not necessarily the whole kielbasa so to speak…

      7. In high school, for me, “hooking up” was when a girl talked to me.

        I always thought I did pretty good for all my friends, but apparently that “wasn’t cool” because it “overstated my number.” I donno.

      8. Britannia says:

        “Going out” used to be the term for talking to/hanging out with a member of the opposite sex, for my generation. I remember the first time a girl excitedly told me a guy asked her to go out with him. I asked, “To where?”

        I was lol’d at. Dating terms are so strange.

    3. Chilosa161 says:

      Um, what is “That Girl” exactly? Do you mean “slut?” “Loose woman?” “Whore of Babylon?”

      She is an adult and she makes her own choices. Perhaps exploring why exactly they offend you so deeply could be helpful.

      1. i think “that girl” means the girl who still hooks up with a guy that she finds in a bed when she was just looking for a place to sleep, and consequently ends up with 2 out of 3 close friends, and the third being the only one she actually liked.

        i personally dont think that being “that girl” automatically means your a slut/loose woman, but it means that you have made some poor decisions in terms of sex and partners- managing to sleep with the friend and twin brother of the guy you actually like, to me, seems like a poor sexual decision

  23. Oh, this letter is kind of adorable. I hope we can all remember being silly like that, and all the little heartbreaks recovered from the next week. Im not trying to be patronizing, we’ve all had a variation on the hot mess totally self-inflicted, and can look back, own it, and laugh. The LW should get over Jordan, try to be more discreet or farsighted with the next crush, and file this away as a funny story to tell in 5 or 10 years when life is a lot more serious and theyre all feeling nostalgic for the reckless, awkwardly hilarious past. Sure, I get the annoyed comments, but there’s a way to laugh at this without being mean spirited, and the LW will be surely be laughing with us, maybe belatedly, though.

    1. iseeshiny says:

      I am totally with you on this – I went through what I call my “six month slut phase” right out of my first year of college (living on my own, waiting tables, party atmosphere) and yes, I was That Girl. I’m not proud of the fact that I hooked up with three of my coworkers, but it was a learning experience. I did change jobs though…

      1. Painted_lady says:

        Same. I hooked up with a slew of guys from my grad school department. Imagine my surprise three years later when four of them started a company together. I kind of wonder if I could single-handedly destroy the company. It’s a weird sense of power.

    2. This is my favorite comment response to this letter.

      & I actually think, if the LW actually likes Jordan, she should go for it. If she confidently owns her decisions to hook up with others in the past, but makes it clear to Jordan that she would feel differently about hooking up with him, she has a chance (albeit small, due to twin action – but who knows? maybe sibling rivalry can work in her favor, haha) & there is no reason to be ashamed or worried. Youth is freedom.

      1. iseeshiny says:

        I don’t know about that. I don’t think I could pursue a serious relationship with anyone who had randomly hooked up with my sibling. It would always be in the back of my head. But there are so many guys out there, she can find someone whose brother and good friends she’s never slept with.

    3. Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com says:

      Agree! Agree! I think it sounds awful to anyone older than 22 (and I’m WELL past 22) but many of us have been there. We forget. These are the times when you make these mistakes and learn and move on. Jordan will be long forgotten by LW in a few months I think. In the meantime, LW, rein it in a bit, be SAFE, and learn to laugh at yourself. I hope you have plenty of raucous gal pals to laugh along with you.

      1. ape_escape says:

        “In the meantime, LW, rein it in a bit, be SAFE, and learn to laugh at yourself. I hope you have plenty of raucous gal pals to laugh along with you.”

        Oh, my goodness, a million times yes. So mandatory. It seems dramatic now, but it will be SO FUNNY in a year or two. (And your gals will have stories of their own.) Trust.

      2. Really? It should be humiliating unless she has the morals of a cow. Sleeping around is one thing (I guess) having multiple partners in a 6 hour period is gross. I suppose if this was your daughter you’d be proud, maybe share the hilarity with the grandparents, “oh, guess what georgette did this weekend”!

  24. for some reason, my comment posted twice. i have no idea why

  25. Landygirl says:

    I feel like I just read the script for a very bad Afterschool Special. LW, maybe you should consider refraining from drinking since it obviously impairs your judgment.

    1. Chilosa161 says:

      That’s a rather hefty claim. Maybe the LW would be like this no matter what. Drinking could be playing a role, but unless it was already OK somewhere in her mind to hook up with multiple people (and I’d venture to say that it’s OK somewhere in pretty much everyone’s mind to do so…releasing the ID and all), she wouldn’t be doing it.

  26. Alright, I hate to say this, but I’ve been in something like your situation. I hooked up with one twin a few times when I was 21. A few years later, I ran into the other twin in a bar and we hit it off so we started dating. I knew these guys were twins, they knew about my history with both of them and yet it didn’t bother anyone. Honestly, I think the years between the two helped the situation. You might not get the one you want now, but maybe in the future.

    1. That’s not really like LW’s situation.

  27. Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but I thought the LW meant that she met Sam and then found out later that he was friends with Jordan. I thought she had a crush on Jordan in high school but hadn’t seen him in a few years and was excited to find out that Sam knew him and started hoping he would introduce her to him eventually….did anybody else think that?

    1. That’s what I managed to understand from the letter too. I think so, at least.

  28. If you really have the hots for someone, you don’t hook up with their sibling and best friend!!! I’m all for people exploring their sexuality, but making your way through a group of people connected that close to each other is bound to end in drama. If a guy came on to me who had slept with my sister and my best friend, I would think he was a sleaze. There are just certain lines you don’t cross.

    1. In all fairness to the LW though, when she hooked up with Sam, she didn’t know that he was friends with his crush. As soon as that was revealed though, and once her and Sam agreed not to hook up anymore, she was free to pursue Jordan all she wanted. Yet you don’t EVER hook up with the twin (or sibling even!) if the original crush is who you want a relationship with.

      I honestly don’t know what the LW was thinking when she hooked up with Josh while crushing Jordan. Did she think that some twin telepathy thing would occur while hooking up? It’s not like this is an episode of Superfriends – there are no Wonder Twin powers to activate…

      1. Yeah, but at the same time, it was Sam who ‘dumped’ her. She found out he was really good friends with the brothers and continued to hook up with him for weeks until he said that he had a girl he was interested in. So she was free to pursue Jordan all she wanted, but I bet he’d already been chatting with those two about some chick he’d been hooking up with. IMO, once you hit the best friend, good luck :p

  29. bittergaymark says:

    Dear LW.

    Yes, it’s probably too late and you’ve probably gone too far to snag the other Mr. Hot Twin at this point, although, hey, I totally get why you might have simply wanted BOTH twins. Seriously. At any rate, you are young and having fun–but please see yesterday’s pregnant-after-two-weeks letter and make sure you are vigilant about birth control…

  30. Chilosa161 says:

    Um…this is so confusing that I couldn’t follow who was hooked up with and who wasn’t. That’s coming from someone who has some experience with the confusion of not-exactly-exclusive FWB/relationship/what-are-we-exactly situations.

    I’d say that the LW should just cut her losses and move on. Or keep hooking up with the twin. Or maybe the reverse of some men’s fantasy of having twin women in a threesome could come true. Anything’s possible.

  31. Somebody above might have asked the LW this, but why accept the offer to sleep in the bed that belongs to the twin of the guy you like? Why not say well thanks, but I think if you don’t mind I’ll just borrow a blanket and a pillow and sleep on the floor.

    I think it’s probably too late with Jordan. Move on and try not to sleep with the brothers or friends of people you like in the future. In general it makes them not see you as someone they want to date after that.

  32. LW, there is nothing wrong with doing what you just did and acting the way that you did. BUT, it is wrong to act that way when you want a long term, serious boyfriend (which is what I am assuming you wanted… yes?). and even then its not really wrong, its just probably not going to work out in your favor.

    yes, your chances with whichever boy you wanted are probably gone…

  33. SimonTheGrey says:

    Sad. I expected this to be a Dear Miles letter.

  34. The only real way this could be worked out is on the Springer show.

  35. So, is there anyone Miss Twin Peaks WON’T have sex with?

  36. You seem fun; expect a party invite soon!

  37. Hooked up? Does she mean fucked? If so she’s fucked.

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