I have been good friends with bride #1 for years. I even got her the job she has now. She went to third shift and I went to day shift like four months ago. Lately, we haven’t been getting along the greatest since I didn’t go to the bachelorette party. She found out that I went to the bride #2’s bridal shower and bachelorette party, she got so mad, and she hasn’t spoken to me for the last month and a half. I’m at the point where I don’t want to be in wedding #1 wedding anymore as she has turned into Bridezilla and has been rude and mean for the past year and half since she got engaged. And I made all nine sets of jewelry and all nine brooches and those are our gifts.
As for why I didn’t go to her bachelorette party, I wasn’t invited! She blamed her sister, after her soon-to-be husband called my husband wanting to know where I was and he told her I hadn’t been invited. We had already made plans to go out on a pre-paid date night and were on our way when she called. Her bridal shower invite went out in July and that was the only thing I got. The bachelorette party was after the shower, which I only found out about from another lady after the shower was over and we were walking back to our cars. (My husband had the jeep packed and waiting for me). Bride #1 never told me anything different. Bride #1 told me back in January that the bachelorette party was going to be in October, so I asked for days off back in January for this coming weekend when the I thought the bachelorette party was supposed to be. That is why I was shocked when I heard something different. Ever since then she has been shady to me, and then she got mad when I went to Bride #2 stuff. She acted as if she were the only one getting married in the whole world and it was a crime that I have more than just her as friends.
Anyway, now I need advice on how I should tell her that I’m leaving her wedding early, around 6:30, right after the first group dance, to be at wedding #2 by 7 p.m. — Double Booked
You messed up and no amount of pointing fingers at Bride #1 (“she’s a bridezilla!”) or avoiding responsibility (“I didn’t even know about the bachelorette party!”) or taking credit for having been a good friend in the past (“I made her jewelry for a wedding gift!” “I got her her job!”– which, I’m sorry to say, unless you took the job interview for her, is a job you did not get for her) can change that. You messed up. You agreed to go to a wedding on the same day you already agree to go to (and be in!) another wedding. That’s not only logistically impractical, but it’s also totally rude. And now you want to know how you can basically get out of most of the wedding reception EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE A BRIDESMAID so you can go attend a different wedding? You can’t.
I mean, you can, I guess, but not if you want to still be friends with this person. And it doesn’t sound like you do. But it sounds as if your husbands are friends and that, if you two women start hating each other, that’s going to affect their friendship, too, which is unfair. It’s also unfair to ask your boyfriend to leave a wedding early, when he’s a groomsman, in order to go to another wedding with you. Or were you planning to go to the second wedding alone?
At any rate, the GOOD thing to do — the thing a compassionate person would do — is to NOT leave wedding #1 early. At least, not so early that your departure and subsequent absence will be conspicuous. And if that means getting to wedding #2 late, then so be it. If that means showing up for the reception, after the ceremony, then that’s the way it goes. You’ll have to explain to bride #2 that you didn’t realize how close you were cutting it by saying yes to two weddings on the same day when they overlap each other–I mean, it would be one thing if they were even spaced hours apart, but they aren’t(!)–and that you can’t in good conscience leave your friend’s wedding early considering you and your boyfriend are both IN the wedding.
If bride #2 doesn’t understand or if she gives you grief about it–well, then I guess that’s TWO friends you’ll have who are total “bridezillas” and think it’s a crime you have other friends. Or, they’re both, you know, normal people who think that, when someone RSVPs yes to a major event like a wedding (and even says yes to being IN the wedding), that person plans to actually be there for it (or at least for most of it).
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.