Ever since that coming out three years ago, nobody in my dad’s family has ever taken initiative to contact me. No phone calls, no text messages, no FB messages – nothing. Every single contact so far was always me messaging them first. They haven’t invited me for anything in three years. Whenever I have asked about any kind of family get-together – Christmas dinner or whatever – they have used Covid as an excuse, saying they weren’t having any dinners. But I have a really hard time believing they have never had any family dinners whatsoever in over three years; they don’t seem like the type to be super worried about Covid, and during the times I have met my dad since then, he has never worn a mask. I think they had get-togethers but just didn’t tell me because it would be awkward having me at the table.
I’ve visited my dad and stepmom a few times, but it was always me making the first step. If I don’t contact them, they just kinda pretend I don’t exist. They never call in to ask how I’m doing. They’re always friendly when I’m there, if a bit reserved. But I always get this feeling like they’re just… being polite. I hadn’t heard anything from my dad since he sent me a cursory “happy birthday” text back in June until I texted him again last week. We only live one hour apart, and yet I’ve seen him only three times since my coming out three years ago. Sometimes when I message him, he doesn’t respond at all.
I can’t believe I have lost so much of my family in such a short time. I don’t have many family members left now. My mom, who embraced my gender identity, loves me very much but is going to die of cancer soon. All I will have left are a childless aunt and uncle I see once every four months, and if they’re ever gone, there’ll be nobody else left, except the ones who shunned me. And I likely won’t be able to start a family of my own; I’m infertile, I’m attracted to men, and few people want to seriously date a trans woman anyway. I don’t feel like I can count on finding a relationship to “save” myself from winding up alone. On some days I just feel crushed by loneliness and feelings of rejection, like everyone else is gonna have a family for the rest of their lives while I’m just gonna be left behind, unloved and alone . How do I cope with the loneliness due to being trans? – Lonely Trans Woman
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