Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

On Wednesday I went for a five-mile walk – down to the Brooklyn pier and back. It’s been over two months since I’ve been on a subway or stepped foot in Manhattan, and I needed to remind myself there’s still a world outside my immediate neighborhood. There is. She’s still there. One day I’ll even be able to see some of it again.

It’s a holiday weekend here in the US, not that that really means much, right? But I hope you have a good one, just the same. Here are a few links you might find interesting:

Is There Any Safe Way to Socialize During the Coronavirus Pandemic?

Related: So you really want to see your friends? Here’s how to assess the risk

Also related:

“As it becomes clearer that the country’s pandemic-modified social configurations will need to hold for some time, people are starting to structure their lives in ways that are more sustainable for the long term. Single people are moving in together. I’ve heard of parents hiring quarantine au pairs to help out with kids who can’t go to camp or school. I know one family, long since decamped to a vacation home, that’s letting a colleague from a crowded group house move into its now-vacant primary residence. Me? I’ve formed a pod.”

Some helpful advice for parents here: How to Think Through Choices About Grandparents, Day Care, Summer Camp, and More

Our romantic relationships are actually doing well during the pandemic, study finds

I Have a “Quarantine Bubble” With People Outside My House. You Should Too.

What Single People Are Starting to Realize (About Dating During a Pandemic)


Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

How do you handle the flirty woman in your husband’s friend group?

How do I get my daughter to stop controlling me?

Boyfriend’s friend making me uncomfortable

Found out I’m the other woman

Need Coronavirus-Related Roommate Advice

I don’t know how to respond to something my friend just told me

How do I properly communicate with women?

Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

Recently, thanks to all this virus stuff, my girlfriend and I have been separated, with me at my apartment and she at hers. Lately, since restrictions have been loosening, I’ve tried talking to her about letting me come over so we can hang out. She keeps saying no, that it’s too risky. I think, however, that she doesn’t understand my needs, and that I can’t be just limited to digital connections. I’m also getting a sneaking suspicion that there might be a greater reason why she won’t let me come over, but that’s just my worries getting the best of me, I hope. But I can’t deny it: I’m starting to think she might be cheating on me with someone else and trying to keep it from me. How can I get her to let me come over and to see my perspective? — Feeling Alone

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This past week there’s been what has felt like a shift, at least here in Brooklyn, in the stages of grieving our old lives. Those of us who aren’t mourning lost loved ones seem to be moving from the acceptance stage of grieving our old normal into the next stage. We’re moving from survival mode – just getting through each day/ staying out of the hospital/ not leaving our homes – to a more sustainable kind of living. At least, it feels that way anyhow. I’ve been focused in the past few days on how to live a quality life with the limitations we have. For me, that means near daily walks (with a mask, socially distant, yada yada), engaging in some hobbies (gardening on the deck, doing jigsaw puzzles, reading books, taking zoom pilates classes, and watching Schitt’s Creek), calling or FaceTiming or texting with friends and family as often as I have energy for, having fresh flowers on the dining table, and eating well (I don’t consider cooking a hobby because at this point of my life, it’s more a chore than a pleasure, but I do try out new recipes and aim for healthy eating). Drew and I are also trying hard to make this as enjoyable an experience for the kids as possible, while still carving out some personal time for ourselves which, as any parent of kids under 10 right now can tell you, is a challenge, but we try our best which is all any of us can do.

What’s it like where you are? Has there been any discernible shift, in behavior or attitude or energy, as the third month of this comes to a close? If you’re feeling quarantine fatigue, how are you dealing with that? If you live some place that is starting to re-open, what does that look like? Are people still respecting social distance guidelines?

I hope however you spend it, the weekend is as good as it can be for you. Here are a few links you might find interesting:

Parenting in Quarantine: NYTimes readers describe the parent-employee-teacher trifecta during the pandemic. Spoiler: there’s a lot of screen time these days.

Maybe Don’t Listen to the News While You Work Out?

Surrendering to Uncertainty

Making relationships work during lockdown

“I knew a singalong wasn’t likely to become a neighborhood pastime. I wanted to sing anyway.

And so, one evening, I leaned out my bedroom window and started singing a rendition of “New York, New York.” My voice was ringing down the alley, and by the end of the song, neighbors were applauding from their windows and calling for an encore. I sang for my neighbors every night for the rest of the week. I had been so alone in my apartment that it didn’t even occur to me there were hundreds of other people, sitting alone in theirs, just a few feet away.”

— from a poignant collection of passages in The New York Times about what it’s like to live alone during the pandemic.