Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

DW Zoom call tomorrow, organized by Fyodor!

Emotionally Unavailable

Hooked up with ex, now wondering what if?

Hooked up with ex, now wondering what if?

Get a friend/bf back

My brother is horrible to me

Bizarre Ex

“Do I like him or do I like that he likes me?”

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread
Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].


updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Deprived Newlywed” (LW2) whose new husband rarely wanted to have sex and would often reject the LW’s initiating sex, telling her he felt like a piece of meat and that he needed more compliments to get into the mood. Her update below.
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I’ve been in a relationship for three years with “Paul,” an amazing guy who adores me. Even though theoretically I have everything I have always dreamt of (we have even discussed marriage), I still find myself frequently obsessing over another guy I met four years ago – “Aaron.”

I met Aaron at university, and we hung out every day for the next week. He introduced me to his friends and he took me everywhere he went. I immediately felt connected to him, and it was amazing being together. After a week we kissed and I was in heaven (he looks like my dream guy). For our first night having sex, he had prepared a romantic setting and it was amazing. He was such a gentleman. I didn’t know what to do afterwards, so I asked if he wanted me to sleep there. He said, “Whatever you feel like,” so I stayed to show him he was not just a one-night stand for me.

Beginning the next day, he transformed into someone else. He started ghosting me until he finally agreed to meet me before he left for a long vacation. I asked him directly about us, to which he answered: “I promise when I’m back everything will become clear,” and he kissed me goodbye. I counted the days for his return, but he didn’t even let me know he was back. I saw him a few days later at a bar where I was with friends. I was angry at him for disappearing, so I wasn’t so friendly. After a few days of silence I finally confronted him. He said he is not the relationship type but if I wanted, we could “meet” once in a while. I didn’t agree, so we hugged and said goodbye.

I cannot understand how someone who seemed so perfect changed completely and shut me off after having sex with me one time. I am angry at him for making me feel like we had something special. And I’m angry at me for still obsessing over him and looking at his and his now-girlfriend’s pictures on social media. But most of all, I feel guilty because my boyfriend really doesn’t deserve this.

I keep thinking of my mistakes and what I could have done differently so that he would have stayed with me. I don’t know if I lost true love or if this is just a hit on my self-esteem and ego that I need to get over. Truth is, I had never had a one-night stand or even been dumped before, so this was the first and only time I had to deal with something like this.

If you can offer me any advice on the matter, I would be deeply thankful. — Still Obsessing over My Dream Guy

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If you haven’t yet watched Alexandria Ocasio Cortez’s speech yesterday in response to Rep. Yoho from Florida calling her a “fucking bitch” on the steps of the Capital, please do (the whole thing!). It is one of the most remarkable and important speeches I’ve heard in a long time. Have a good weekend, and here are a few other links that might interest you:

Move In? Get Divorced? The Pandemic Forces Couples to Decide

I bet a lot of parents of young kids can relate to this:

“Our only moments alone are spent in bed, bone-tired from another day of keeping the impossible balance of parenting and work from toppling while trying to keep the virus and the sense of dread at bay. We spend those few tired minutes trying to figure out what to tell them tomorrow and how to plan for next week, next month, next year. We spend them planning the lies we will tell to them, and to ourselves.”

— To Be a Parent Right Now Is To Be a Liar

I can also related to this: Does the Forecast Call for Friends?

Fyodor has organized a DW Zoom call for this Thursday 9 pm EST. Comment on this thread if you’d like him to send you an invite.

My sister, “Veronica,” is getting married in September, 2021 but is having a destination bachelorette party this weekend. It’s a large party and will involve a lot of close contact with 20 guests staying in a vacation house with only three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The plan involves visiting bars and restaurants in an area of our state with a quickly rising number of Covid-19 cases. A quarter of the guests are frontline healthcare workers who care for Covid-19 patients, another quarter of the guests are considered high-risk due to age and/or medical conditions, and 2/3 of the guests are flying in from other states (including Texas, Florida, and Arizona 🤦🏼‍♀️). Further, several of the guests do not believe the pandemic is real, and a number of other guests have traveled to attend other large group events within 14 days of the party.

After weeks of feeling conflicted and increasing pressure from my family of origin about attending, I made the difficult decision not to go to the party because I do not feel safe. I expected disappointment from my family, but I was instead met with anger; they are not speaking to me now. Apparently, I am the only guest who feels unsafe and thinks that having the party is a bad idea right now (for a multitude of reasons).

How am I supposed to mend the relationships with my family? I tried to talk to my sister about my concerns weeks ago, but she declined to postpone the party, decrease the guest list, change the plans to stay in, or consider any other alternatives. I feel bad that Veronica, and millions of other people, are not able to celebrate life events the way that we have in the past. It’s not fair, and I can’t imagine the disappointment they feel. I have apologized multiple times and offered to have a special get-together with her at some point, but she, my mom, and the rest of my sisters are still angry at me. Any suggestions for how to move forward? — The Sane One

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