Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
When I was 28 years old, I came out as transgender, male to female. My coming out was forced to happen before I felt ready because my dad’s girlfriend had seen me on the street dressed as the “other” gender and told my dad about it against my will. After that, my dad texted me saying I was a disgusting freak and that I should stay away from him and “his family.” In the ensuing three years I have often begged him to just let me visit him again and for him to accept me. He relented on some level, but our relationship hasn’t warmed back up again to what it used to be.

Ever since that coming out three years ago, nobody in my dad’s family has ever taken initiative to contact me. No phone calls, no text messages, no FB messages – nothing. Every single contact so far was always me messaging them first. They haven’t invited me for anything in three years. Whenever I have asked about any kind of family get-together – Christmas dinner or whatever – they have used Covid as an excuse, saying they weren’t having any dinners. But I have a really hard time believing they have never had any family dinners whatsoever in over three years; they don’t seem like the type to be super worried about Covid, and during the times I have met my dad since then, he has never worn a mask. I think they had get-togethers but just didn’t tell me because it would be awkward having me at the table.

I’ve visited my dad and stepmom a few times, but it was always me making the first step. If I don’t contact them, they just kinda pretend I don’t exist. They never call in to ask how I’m doing. They’re always friendly when I’m there, if a bit reserved. But I always get this feeling like they’re just… being polite. I hadn’t heard anything from my dad since he sent me a cursory “happy birthday” text back in June until I texted him again last week. We only live one hour apart, and yet I’ve seen him only three times since my coming out three years ago. Sometimes when I message him, he doesn’t respond at all.

I can’t believe I have lost so much of my family in such a short time. I don’t have many family members left now. My mom, who embraced my gender identity, loves me very much but is going to die of cancer soon. All I will have left are a childless aunt and uncle I see once every four months, and if they’re ever gone, there’ll be nobody else left, except the ones who shunned me. And I likely won’t be able to start a family of my own; I’m infertile, I’m attracted to men, and few people want to seriously date a trans woman anyway. I don’t feel like I can count on finding a relationship to “save” myself from winding up alone. On some days I just feel crushed by loneliness and feelings of rejection, like everyone else is gonna have a family for the rest of their lives while I’m just gonna be left behind, unloved and alone

. How do I cope with the loneliness due to being trans? – Lonely Trans Woman

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Hi, happy weekend! This was a great week for our family because Jackson and Joanie were finally, after nearly 20 months since the pandemic began, able to get vaccinated on Thursday morning. As I write this, it’s been nearly 48 hours since their shots and they have reported zero side effects (not even sore arms) so I hope that will be consistent for all kids who get vaccinated with the smaller kid-size doses. They get their second shot in three weeks, and then soon after that, we can resume normal-ish social activities. The kids have only had a handful of indoor playdates over the past 20 months, and ever since we learned that vaccinated individuals can still get and transmit Covid – albeit at a much lower rate than unvaxxed folks – Drew and I haven’t had a babysitter or done any indoor dining and have, in general, been more cautious than we’d otherwise be if we weren’t worrying about infecting our unvaccinated kids. We’ll still wear masks in indoor public places – at least until under 5s can be vaccinated and transmission rates fall – but it’s SO NICE to be moving to the other side of this whole ordeal. It’s been a lonnnngggg road.

Anyway, this weekend we’ll be enjoying some outdoor activities: volunteer raking in Prospect Park, cheering on the marathoners on Sunday, and (for me) some long walks (photo above taken on one of my walks this week). What are you up to?

Just a few links for you this weekend:

This is from earlier this year, but it just came across my social media and I thought it was funny: I Cannot Explain Why These 15 Things Are Embarrassing, But They Are

Women and the Liberating Power of Saying No

The Stories Only Women Are Told

‘How I Prepared to Quit’: five women discuss the financial plans they made while preparing to resign and how it’s working out for them so far.


From the forums:

For the past four months I have been waiting expectantly for my mother’s cancer results. When the doctor first told my mother she had cancer, she hid it from me and my brother (we are in our 20s) and kept saying that the diagnosis wasn’t confirmed so we shouldn’t worry about it that much. She kept hiding details about her appointments; even though I asked her after the doctor appointments how things had gone, she would say things like, “You know doctors say a bunch of things. I don’t wanna spread bad vibes by discussing them again.” However, she always discussed her results with my sister, aunt, her own brother, and, of course, my dad while keeping me and my brother out of the loop. I feel very hurt and betrayed. Should I address this issue with her? — Wanting to be in the Loop

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Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

Boyfriend thinks I’m associated with the devil

Delayed Reaction

Robert continues to frustrate

Should I Cut Off My Friend?

“I’m Frustrated That My Employees Don’t Want to Return to the Office’”

“Should I Tell a Facebook Friend I Had an Affair With Her Partner?”

HR Presentation to tell Adults to be Adults – Suggestions Please

Covid Support Thread

Anyone going on awesome dates?