Believe me, I know this sounds very selfish, but maybe it is my diagnosed anxiety which is making me worry about these things which will come to pass.

I recently lost contact with my bio dad and stepmother, and more recently his sister and her family. During the holidays, they — my aunt, her husband, and my cousins – started questioning me and harassing me about my dad late at night over social media, and I blocked them on all platforms. I only met them in 2017, so we’re not close-knit, but there are important reasons why I have little contact with them.

Now my beloved grandfather – my bio dad and aunt’s father – is dying. I spoke to him yesterday on the phone and told him how much I love him and how much having a relationship with him (despite his son) has meant so much to me—-all those things and more. He could hear me, and he told me he loved me over and over. He and his wife have Covid, but he’s been sent home now.

Last night my aunt got a mean and manipulative text through to my smartwatch somehow. I know she is suffering, but she’s taking the anger out on me and I don’t need to have things taken out on me. I have had a lot of abuse in my life. I feel at this point, although I did want to go to his service when he goes, I shouldn’t. She’ll be there. She’s a handful and will probably be making things miserable anyway, but I know if I were to go, it would be much worse. I’d set her off by my presence.

This whole thing is hard. I mean, I had aspirations maybe of reuniting with my aunt – if she ever apologized but, . . . I really cannot see how we can move forward or how I can go to a funeral without my poor grandfather’s memorial services turning into a giant family mess.