Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

What are you all up to this weekend? In a very unexpected twist, 11-year-old Jackson has developed a serious interest in sports over the past few months, and on Saturday we are going to another sports ball game (my fourth, and his fifth, in under two months). This one is a Yankee game, and we got tickets through his school’s PTO. I’m not a sports fan, but I’m always happy when my kids find things that excite them, and this seems to be fitting the bill for now. Maybe one day I’ll have a kid who thrills at the idea of visiting an art museum or watching foreign films in an arthouse movie theater. (But I won’t hold my breath for too long on that!) Sunday, of course, is Mother’s Day, which seems to have turned into an emotionally-fraught day on which everyone has to apologize to everyone else for all the pain that exists as a result of motherhood. And here people who are parenting young kids just want a day when someone else does the cooking. Whatever your status and whatever level of pain the day may bring up for you, I hope you find moments of joy. (And if you are a mom of young kids, I hope you get to sleep in a bit and enjoy a meal or two cooked by someone else.)

Happy weekend, and here are some links you might enjoy, including a wedding trend couples love and guests hate, and dumb things people have said to their partners that have caused them to reevaluate their whole relationships.
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I’ve had this massage therapist for three years now, and I have developed feelings for him that I suspect are mutual. He does house calls for just me. All of his other clients have to come into his office for their appointments. About six months after he started massaging me, I asked him to a home-cooked dinner at my home. He refused, but he said that “I can’t have dinner with you now, but I am looking forward to the day that I can have dinner with you.” He was very enthusiastic and happy when he was saying this, and he had a huge smile on his face.

So fast forward to over two years later. He has been there for me as my massage therapist through cancer, the loss of close family members, formerly chronic pain which our work together has significantly reduced, and a few other enormous and life-altering events. Needless to say, I was not ready to ask him out again throughout much of this time. He has a very intuitive sense of where I am at and what I need. He “gets” me. I asked him out for the second time just two weeks ago.

This was after he literally said that I have a “fine ass” while I was naked on the massage table last week, and he brought up sexual conversation between us, which I was fine with participating in. We do sometimes flirt, he has called me “beautiful” many times, and he has complimented my hair, my dress, my style, my sense of decor, etc., but this was very strongly sexual; he has never said something like this to me before.

He refused my invitation by saying that he isn’t hanging out in general these days. He is living in isolation two hours away and only comes into town for 1-2 days to work before going back home. I responded: “Okay. This is the first time in almost three years that I have asked you directly for a date. I’ll probably wait another three years to ask you again! I will see you on Sunday then [for our appt.]. Thank you then for making me feel beautiful and whole and even sexy.” And he responded, “And you are! See you Sunday.”

I can’t figure out if we have anything or not. He is a terrific therapist and I don’t really want to lose him in the therapist capacity. We are not sexually compatible as he has kinks that he has shared with me that I am not interested in.

I have never been happier in my life than when I am with him. Oh, and I forgot to mention: He has been single for this entire time, he has been clear with me that he has not wanted a relationship with anyone. He also admitted to me that he and I have sexual chemistry. — Conflicted yet Well-Rubbed

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Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.

Prolonging the inevitable

Am I being a spoiled bride?

Mom is a slob

Should I just drop it?

Lack of Boundaries Between Boyfriend and His Soon-to-Be Ex

Is it normal for your other half to fancy someone else?

Move across country with boyfriend and I on rocky foundation?

“I Want More from My FWB”

“What Should Be My Next Move?”

I have been a widow for two years and have been dating a man, “Eric,” whom I met by accident, for six months. I have three kids – two in college and one, 13 years old, still at home. Eric is not divorced, but he has been separated and out his house for over a year. I have not met his kids, which has been ok up til now. It is very hard on both of us when he leaves on his weekend to be with his kids. Out of respect we have been waiting for the divorce to be finalized. He has a very difficult wife who can make this process seem to be never-ending. Now, as I said, it’s been six months and he feels terrible keeping me a secret from his kids, age 13, 11, and 9. My son has met Eric, and Eric and I plan to look at houses together once divorce is final. My son is anxious to meet Eric’s kids, and I’m wondering if you think it would be terrible if my son were to have a play date with Eric’s son, the middle child. And what If I met the kids for dinner one night as Eric’s “friend”? Would that be deceptive? I mean, the man can have friends, right? So, — Eager for Everyone to Get to Know Each Other

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Happy Cinco De Mayo! I always love May 5th because not only is it a great day to drink margaritas, but also it’s also my mom’s birthday (happy birthday, Mom!) and the anniversary of when Drew and I met on a blind date. Today marks 17 years! It feels like it could’ve been five years ago, and it also feels like I’ve known Drew my whole life. But it kind of felt like that when I met him. We’re going out to dinner tonight at a restaurant in our neighborhood that we haven’t tried yet and that was on a recent list of best 100 restaurants in NYC. And this weekend I’m going to work on our deck garden a bit. I’m also going to finish Lucinda Williams’ new memoir, which I’ve loved reading (I’m a big fan). Hope you all have a good one, and here are some links that might interest you, including: tips for breaking up with a friend, a formula for saying “no” that eases anxiety, and a so-called new dating trend that sounds very familiar.
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