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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

Apprehensive about picking wedding date

Deciding whether or not to quit my college sport

Unmotivated at work

Wild family stories

Being the first guy after her divorce

HELP getting married in a few months and my fiancé has been shady

My mom is turning away our family for a holiday stay at home

Military boyfriend & I broke up and I’m feeling extremely hurt

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Hi, it’s been a while! I’ve decided to no longer post and answer letters involving topics I feel like I’ve covered enough already, but this is a new issue and I wanted to share it (trigger warning: mention of suicide).

Almost ten years ago now, my husband died by suicide. It was gruesome, and I found his body in our home. We were married two years and the suicide was a shock to everyone. I was both bereaved from the loss and deeply traumatized by finding the body. I was a mess.

It was my job to divide up his possessions. I made boxes of his favorite things for his friends and family, saved a few things for myself, and liquidated the rest. My brother and my first husband weren’t particularly close, but they got along well enough. I gave my brother my first husband’s Rolex. I loved that Rolex and I wanted it to go to someone special, but it felt too painful to keep it for myself. When my first husband was alive, I often wanted to borrow it, but it would have needed links taken out to do so, so I never could.

Over the years, as my trauma has healed and I’ve moved on with my life, I’ve started slowly wearing jewelry from my late first husband again. It no longer feels too painful; now it feels really nice actually. I’m happily remarried, but a death is not the same as a breakup and I feel I can love and honor both parties; I don’t need to choose loyalty, and my current husband agrees.

Recently, the Rolex came to mind. The problem is, I regret giving it away and I’d like it back. I asked my brother and he said he keeps it in a safe deposit box, wearing it 1-2 times per year. I asked if he would give it back, and he didn’t outright refuse but he did push back. In fact, he offered to pay me the value of the Rolex (about 5k). It’s not about the money; I want that watch back for sentimental reasons.

On the one hand, I fully understand that I gave it to him and he’s entitled to keep it. I won’t force the issue if it sparks an argument or causes a rift. But I’d like your opinion on if I’m wrong to ask for it back, given that I wasn’t in my right mind when I gave it away and I had to make a lot of snap decisions in that fragile state.

Relevant info: We are both lucky enough to be able to afford a Rolex if we wanted to go buy one. Also, I paid off about 60k in my brother’s student loans from life insurance money, so I have been generous with him on the whole. Mostly, I’m surprised by his reaction given the sentimental value on my end, and I’d love an outside perspective. — Rollin without a Rolex

[continue reading…]

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Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

Our daughter is refusing help and pushing us out of her car/apartment buying

I meet my soulmate but my family doesn’t want to see it this way

Weddings

I really like my best friends ex boyfriend

How can I be more interesting?

Friend is mad at me for postponing our trip so I can attend my cousins gender reveal

Need advice

What is this?

I feel disrespected by husband

Right thing

Not too sure if I should see it through

His abusive behaviour stopped but I’m still not happy?

Am I a pos, how can I fix it?

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Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

The reappearing ex

How can I be more interesting?

Very confused…please help

Should I stay or should I go?

Am I in the wrong?

Boyfriend being so easy-going with older women

Is she messing with me? Or is it something else?

I met my soulmate but my family doesn’t want to see it this way

Am I a pos, how can I fix it?

Covid Support Thread

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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Like many of you, I’ve been outraged since learning about the Supreme Court’s plan to overturn Roe V. Wade this summer, making abortion illegal in 26 states. The Republicans have also made clear that a federal abortion ban is not off the table should they win power in congress. Every person capable of getting pregnant deserves autonomy over their body and the agency to decide whether and when to have a baby and to become a parent. Every person with a uterus deserves basic healthcare – access to lifesaving treatments – without the threat of criminalization. Any person impregnated as a result of rape must have full control of any choice related to that pregnancy. If you’re as outraged as I am that any of this is even debatable, please consider raising your voice at the women’s march on Saturday the 14th.
(Find a rally near you.). And here are a list of places to donate to in support of abortion access.

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