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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

A couple weeks ago, I opened up my IG stories to quick advice questions anyone might have (saved to a highlight reel here). The most common question was: “How did you know if you wanted a second baby?” I gave a brief answer in my stories, but I thought I’d open the topic here, too, for anyone else contemplating this question or able to share a personal experience.

Much like deciding whether or when to have a baby in the first place, I think a lot of the decision process comes down to listening to your heart, considering your family dynamic and whether you think a baby will add or detract from it, and thinking about timing and long-term goals and plans and how a baby might fit into or disrupt such plans. There’s no real magical formula – especially the “listen to your heart” part – but, obviously, talking it out can help one arrive at a decision. (And it should go without saying that making a decision is just part of the process; even if you want a baby, things may not work out that way.) The most important piece of advice I can give when it comes to having a baby, whether it is a first baby or second or more is: [continue reading…]

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I am a 68-year-old male dating a 59-year-old female. After dating my girlfriend for almost a year and a half, she told me that she had five or six threesomes in her past. This occurred when her husband was ill and gave her permission to seek satisfaction outside of the marriage. She got on a dating app and hooked up with a “friend with benefits” who, after a while, proceeded to set up MMF (male, male, female) threesomes. They both enjoyed the one-on-one sex and the threesomes for almost a year. The threesomes were done without her husband’s knowledge, and as his illness got worse, she walked away from that lifestyle. She says it was just sex with FWBs, very detached. They hardly ever kissed, rarely spent time outside the hotel room, etc.

Her husband eventually passed and she didn’t see anyone for eight years before dating me. I really value this relationship and need to process this information that she’s shared with me. I seem to be experiencing retroactive jealousy over something I had absolutely nothing to do with. I need help dealing with my jealousy so I can continue to grow this relationship. — Just the Two Of Us

 
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Dear Wendy,
I’m a long-time commenter, so I’m sure the regulars will know who I am.

Believe me, I know this sounds very selfish, but maybe it is my diagnosed anxiety which is making me worry about these things which will come to pass.

I recently lost contact with my bio dad and stepmother, and more recently his sister and her family. During the holidays, they — my aunt, her husband, and my cousins – started questioning me and harassing me about my dad late at night over social media, and I blocked them on all platforms. I only met them in 2017, so we’re not close-knit, but there are important reasons why I have little contact with them.

Now my beloved grandfather – my bio dad and aunt’s father – is dying. I spoke to him yesterday on the phone and told him how much I love him and how much having a relationship with him (despite his son) has meant so much to me—-all those things and more. He could hear me, and he told me he loved me over and over. He and his wife have Covid, but he’s been sent home now.

Last night my aunt got a mean and manipulative text through to my smartwatch somehow. I know she is suffering, but she’s taking the anger out on me and I don’t need to have things taken out on me. I have had a lot of abuse in my life. I feel at this point, although I did want to go to his service when he goes, I shouldn’t. She’ll be there. She’s a handful and will probably be making things miserable anyway, but I know if I were to go, it would be much worse. I’d set her off by my presence.

This whole thing is hard. I mean, I had aspirations maybe of reuniting with my aunt – if she ever apologized but, . . . I really cannot see how we can move forward or how I can go to a funeral without my poor grandfather’s memorial services turning into a giant family mess.

I do regret not going to my grandmother’s funeral, but I couldn’t see my dad then. Not much has changed, even though my grandmother died a decade ago. I’m not sure if it would have been good if I had gone, though. I think I know what is the best thing to do, but I’m curious what you and/or the DW community think I should do. — Anonymousse (DW name shared with permission)

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8 comments