Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
My fiancé, “Craig,” and I have been engaged for five years and have been together for seven and a half. I caught him and my daughter, who is 27 years old and married with four beautiful children (my grandchildren), sexting. How do I get past this? He is amazing to my grandchildren, to my mother, and to my other family members. One month ago my no-good sister was staying in our home working, and she texted Craig and said that I was mean to his daughter. He showed me the text as soon as it was sent to him. I decided I would ask her to move, so she left to go stay in a motel. She had been out about two months when Craig was caught in her motel room. I have pictures for proof. He wasn’t there very long — 20-30 minutes — but he lied to me about it. When I showed him the pictures I received of him, he said he was there to fix a tire for her. This woman slept with my ex-husband (I caught them in the act), so I decided to cut her out of my life but allow Craig to stay. She is poison in many ways, including to her children and all of our family.

Then last Friday night my daughter confronted me, saying that Craig called her again and lied to her, saying I was talking bad about her to my daughter-in-law at lunch. Craig was sitting there and listening to everything she was saying, and he told me to ignore her since she always has drama. So then she texted him and asked him why he called her and lied to her. All my children were involved at this point and he bold-faced lied to me. Then when he got caught, he left. Now my mother just wants me to forget it and reconcile with him. I am crushed. I loved this man with all I had. I feel so torn because I forgave my daughter for sexting him, so I feel I should forgive him, too, but there is more that he’s done and my heart is broken. Please please help give me some advice. — Forgive and Forget?

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I love my girlfriend, “Jane,” and we have a great relationship, but after 18 months, the lust is gone and I crave that new and exciting feeling that being with another person would offer. Jane has hit menopause at 46 and has less interest in sex than I do. There’re no temper tantrums, mood swings, or anything of that nature; it’s mainly a decreased interest in sex. She told me her sex drive was much higher at 40. The times we’ve had sex have been good, but it just doesn’t happen often enough. I’m 51, but my libido is good. Whenever I mention it’s frustrating, she says: “Well, if you’re not happy, find yourself a younger woman.” (She’s joking, of course.)

Other things unrelated to the menopause: I waited four months to have sex with her although we did fool around during this period. She didn’t want to have sex during the Easter and Christmas periods because of her Christian values. She refuses a certain sexual position because it’s impersonal. She thinks if we got married or lived together, she would have a higher sex drive and we’d have sex more often. Would getting married actually change anything? Is she saying, “Commit to me and you’ll get all the sex you want”?

She’s devoted to me and would make a good wife, but I’m just feeling dissatisfied in the bedroom. Perhaps I could find someone else and have a more active sex life, but this someone else may not be as devoted. Life is about trade-offs. Is it a valid reason to end a relationship if you’re not satisfied with the sex but everything else is good?— Dissatisfied in the Bedroom

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And I’m feelin’ good!!!!

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

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