I reached out to one of the half-siblings listed, who told me that she was conceived with a sperm donor. She also discovered this news through 23andme and has been in touch with the majority of the half-siblings listed. We spoke on the phone for a while, and all the details she gave me line up: the clinic’s location relative to where my parents lived at the time, the dates of when the donor sold his sperm, and the donor’s ethnicity. I knew my parents struggled with infertility before I was born because my mom had mentioned this to me as a way of explaining why they didn’t have children for so long after getting married, but it was always framed as though it was an issue she had.
To say that I had absolutely no idea that I was conceived with donor sperm is an understatement. My parents never even hinted that this might be the case. I don’t know what to do next. I feel betrayed, incredibly sad, and overwhelmed. Should I talk to my mother first? My father? What do I say? Should I talk to them with my husband there or by myself? Or is it better to never let them know I know? I don’t have a close relationship with either of them, but my relationship with both of them is fine. We check in with each other regularly, and we give each other updates on our lives — and my child’s ongoings. If it helps to know, I was conceived in the late 1970s when donor sperm was a lot less regulated than it is today. I haven’t even begun to think about whether I want to reach out to my genetic half-siblings and the donor.
This might not be the usual type of question you answer, but I think you’ve given really good advice about how to communicate with family members about difficult topics and when it’s best to leave things unsaid. Thank you for your time. — Stunned by DNA Discovery