This letter from earlier in the week got me thinking about frequency in dating and what is considered “normal.” It’s been almost eight years since I dated anyone other than Drew, but I remember from my single days, and especially when I tried online dating, that, if I met someone I was interested in, I was happy to see him 3-5 times a week, which seems like SO MUCH to me now. Like, when would I ever have time to see anyone that often? But, I was single then, of course, and not a parent, and I was in my 20s and had energy to go-go-go. Plus, I didn’t have a demanding career or anything. Lack of responsibilities + single status + lots of energy = plenty of time for someone interesting.
I also remember from my single days that there would sometimes be guys I was into who only made time for me maybe two-four times a month, and that always made me feel like I wasn’t very important. If they were interested, wouldn’t they want to see me a lot — like, as much as I wanted to see them? Maybe. Or, maybe they had more responsibilities than I did and less energy and free time. Or maybe they required more alone time. Who knows. And while I do agree with what commenters in this column said, about the importance of finding someone whose interest level and availability matches yours, I also think it’s important to keep an open mind, be patient, and kind of see where things go. Interest levels and availability can change — sometimes quite quickly — and what if you ruled out someone right away because he only wanted to go out once a week and he might have, after a couple months, become someone who wanted to go out three times a week?
Anyway, I created a poll because I’m interested to know where you stand in the whole dating frequency thing. I guess I’m most interested in hearing from people who are actually single and currently dating, but, if you’re coupled up, you can answer like you might have back when you were on the market. And in the comments can you please discuss how willing (or unwilling) you would be to date someone whose dating frequency level didn’t match up with yours (like, if you want to date someone 3-5 times a week, would you continue dating someone who was only available once a week? And if so, for how long?). Poll below: