Did you know there are more breakups between New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day than during any other 6-week period of the year? It’s true. So, in honor of this heartbreaking stretch, I thought I’d post this little poll to compare breakup scenarios.
[polldaddy poll=”6883219″]
Poll: Why Did Your Last Relationship End?
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stickelet February 7, 2013, 3:05 pm
I wanted a comitmment, he didn’t
thyme February 7, 2013, 3:14 pm
He couldn’t get his shit together.
Also known as: I was in love with his “potential” and I got fed up with waiting for him to/trying to help him reach it.
All of my relationships have ended this way. You’d think I’d learn.
bc020 February 7, 2013, 4:53 pm
I totally feel your pain. Too much. Same pattern here.
kerrycontrary February 7, 2013, 3:14 pm
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years so this was a while ago, but I just didn’t like the guy that much! So I moved onto greener pastures.
rachel February 7, 2013, 3:14 pm
I put cheating, which was what officially ended it, but there were SO many other problems.
Desiree February 7, 2013, 3:17 pm
Fell out of love. Long distance facilitated it, but it was happening before the distance due to incompatibilities. I realized I really needed out when I started to have feelings for someone else, so I ended it. My ex thought Skyped me a month later to tell me what a terrible human being I am. It was awkward, and I hope he is happier now.
GatorGirl February 7, 2013, 3:19 pm
My other is that he was an abusive asshole! I finally realized he was never going to change and stop being an abuser, and that I couldn’t “save” him. It was either get the strength to leave or live a life of abuse. So yeah, I picked leave.
cdobbs February 7, 2013, 3:24 pm
I found out the guy had a son he didn’t support financially even though he could blow $1000 a month on weed!
Anna February 7, 2013, 11:34 pm
$1000/month?!! Damn, he must have been smoking some good stuff. Like 24 hours a day.
cdobbs February 8, 2013, 12:31 pm
Hahaha…I think he was actually selling as well, since he seemed to buy so much at once…or he just really liked weed!
Fabelle February 7, 2013, 3:24 pm
I put “cheating scandal” because I’d been a cheater in my last relationship. I got along with the dude swimmingly, very much, but was always restless in the relationship. FINALLY (after way too long), I did the right thing & ended it. And it wasn’t a clean break. At all.
Fabelle February 7, 2013, 3:30 pm
Also, besides the cheating, we were pretty mis-matched in certain ways. Very compatible senses of humor & stuff, but he was odd socially & kind of absent-minded professor-y. (I always used to joke with him that if I didn’t call him anymore, it’d probably take him like a week to realize “hey, where’s my girlfriend?”)
Kate February 7, 2013, 3:25 pm
I put “other.” He had a lot of issues, mostly stemming from childhood, with never feeling like he was good enough, which spilled over into our relationship, he was pretty judgmental and perfectionist and controlling, didn’t “get” me, and we were rarely on the same page about anything. He was also pathologically cheap even though he had ridiculous amounts of money in savings… I saw signs of all this from the beginning but kept going with it anyway because we had really intense sex and one of those connections Addie Pray was referring to, but I would periodically not be able to deal with him anymore and break up with him… We were on and off for years and it was just a mess and I was harboring angry feelings toward him that would come out when I was drunk. And we stopped having sex. So, I finally broke it off for good and moved on. Looking back I can’t believe how wrong we were for each other and seriously how f’d up he was… Just for example, he would take over an hour trying on the same pair of jeans in 2 sizes and wind up screaming at me for not having a strong opinion about which one he should buy. I blame myself a lot for letting that go on so long.
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 3:31 pm
I checked “other”. Because I did not see: “He was a sad, down-on-his-luck kind of guy who was really sweet and wonderful … until the day after xmas when he yelled at me because of what cell phone plan i picked (for real) and then threatened to break up with me then but i cried and said “nooo”, so he just continued to criticize everything about me until throughout january until he finally he broke up with me for wanting to ride the train with him one day after work, and again i said “waaaa, nooo, i love each other, i can be better” and then friends said “cut that shit out, you are better than that, you have done nothing wrong” and then i said “yea, i haven’t done anything wrong and i am better than this” and then yesterday he was yelling at me on the sidewalk for picking, and then suggesting another, restaurant (he doesn’t roll with flow well, can’t handle change) and then i said “whoa whoa whoa you can’t talk to me like that,” and then he said “whoa, you apologize for your attitude or else i’m walking away,” and i said “maybe it’s best you walk away.” and then we walked away. and sent me a bunch of angry texts. but i didn’t respond. know why? because i’m done.
that wasn’t an option so I clicked other. maybe there should be a “he texted too much” option.
i’m so pissed. pissed, pissed, pissed. it’s not fair.
Wendy February 7, 2013, 3:34 pm
I’m sorry, AP. I know you love(d) him, but my God, he sounds like a tool.
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 3:37 pm
he’s a mean tool. why did he have to be such a mean tool?
I’m so mad at myself, and embarrassed, and mad at him, and pissed, and annoyed.
i want to punch someone. who will let me punch them?
bethany February 7, 2013, 4:00 pm
You can punch me. Then after we will drink red wine and eat cheese.
LM February 7, 2013, 4:38 pm
And cupcakes!
Amanda February 7, 2013, 4:17 pm
Me Addie! I’m having an extra great day, so I can take it 🙂
painted_lady February 7, 2013, 4:59 pm
Dude, PLEASE punch me. I have derby practice tonight and I feel like shit. Snap me out of it. Also, I found out I’m playing in my first game in six weeks, so it’ll toughen me up.
Gaiadaughter February 7, 2013, 5:45 pm
I totally thought of you in Saturday PL when I failed my basic skills. Because I don’t hit hard enough. I’ve got three weeks to pump up my aggression and my first bout is March 16, eek!
painted_lady February 7, 2013, 7:46 pm
Oh no!!! You’ll get there!
I cleaned my bearings out over the weekend and added 4 laps onto my 5-minute test. Almost there!!!
Regina Chapman February 8, 2013, 8:51 am
Oh no, Addie!
I don’t know you except for a few short exchanges in the forums, and even just from that I wished so, so much better for you. I’m sad on your account now:(. You truly do seem like such a great, vibrant personality. Hope you’re okay.
Classic February 9, 2013, 12:56 am
Ha we all know that you are such a sweetie who would never punch anyone. If you were forced to punch someone, you would secretely pass them a shield so they would not be harmed.
Classic February 9, 2013, 1:48 am
secretly*
Fabelle February 7, 2013, 3:38 pm
Ew, ew, ew. I’m seriously getting skin-crawliness from your descriptions of his behavior.
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 3:40 pm
i really never thought i could find myself in such an unhealthy relationship. wrong. see? it even happens to ADDIE PRAY. haha. (slash, tears.)
New Rule: I am never talking about this guy again. Ok? Moving on. I’ve got skeeball tonight. Horray for skeeball.
Kate February 7, 2013, 3:41 pm
Do not beat yourself up, 5-6 months is nothing. You gave it a fair shot and didn’t hang on too long when it was obvious it wasn’t going to work. No shame.
katie February 7, 2013, 3:53 pm
i absolutely agree.
Skyblossom February 7, 2013, 3:58 pm
No shame and he hid his real self until after Christmas so how could you know what he was really like? No need to be ashamed at all and being angry will keep you from getting back together so it works.
Sue Jones February 7, 2013, 4:11 pm
Really, AP, sometimes it takes a while for their true self to emerge after the honeymoon period is over. Best you find out NOW rather than later after marriage, mortgage, kids, etc. Be glad you are a FREE WOMAN!!!
kerrycontrary February 7, 2013, 4:15 pm
Truth. And this is when AP and her man were together 5-6 months, which is exactly when the honeymoon period ends. Until then he was most likely on his “best behavior”.
GatorGirl February 7, 2013, 3:54 pm
Skeeball?? That is awesome!!
theattack February 7, 2013, 4:24 pm
I agree. That’s our absolute favorite date night, and we have yet to find an arcade in our new city to play it. Maybe I can try to find one for a President’s Day date night.
AP, is there a skeeball specific place you go to?
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 4:33 pm
I joined some skeeball league. so we have games every Thurs. at Sluggers in Wriggleyville (in Chi).
ATTN ATTN ATTN: I just had a very awkward encounter with my boss, this super professional, super slick, super keeps-to-her-self, super NOT chit chatty…. She asked how I was and my eyes started to swell up with tears. FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK MY TEAR DUCTS. Then we had a heart to heart about relationships. EMBARRASSING! Raise your hand if you cried in front of your boss? Quick, I need support. Ha.
theattack February 7, 2013, 4:39 pm
Sorry, AP. That’s really awkward.
I accidentally cried in front of my boss’s boss at my last job. I thought I lost some confidential client information at the DV shelter I worked at, and earlier that day we had someone’s abuser trying to break into the shelter, so I assumed the worst and broke down into tears. Turns out she had picked up the files by accident, so no harm was done. It was fine though ultimately because she liked seeing that I was a real person, and I honestly think she respected me more for it. Maybe your boss will feel closer to you now.
GatorGirl February 7, 2013, 4:39 pm
I have. I put in my two weeks notice and cried. Then he offered to let me work from home. I guess crying helped.
And we so should go skeeballing when I come to Chicago. Oh so fun.
othy February 7, 2013, 4:39 pm
I want a skeeball league. That would be awesome!
Temperance February 8, 2013, 2:03 pm
There is one in Philly, if you’re nearby!
LM February 7, 2013, 4:40 pm
I sure have! You’re not alone in that one!
katie February 7, 2013, 4:49 pm
i actually think that shows your boss is a good person.
your not a robot, AP. employees are not robots. and when employees are having personal issues, i think it really is a duty of a boss to be there for them, while still maintaining professional boundaries.
painted_lady February 7, 2013, 5:02 pm
*raises hand*
I cried in front of fucking everybody last school year. This is why Wellbutrin is my friend. I haven’t cried this school year. Except talking about the stupid Clydesdale commercial with my kids. They laughed at me.
scattol February 7, 2013, 5:47 pm
Count yourself lucky that you have such an understanding boss. I would not blow up on h like that on a regular basis but that he is there when it happens is a good sign.
lemongrass February 7, 2013, 6:30 pm
I’ve cried in front of everyone. I cry so easily! It’s the real reason I couldn’t have a career, stay at home moms are expected to cry on a regular basis.
Christy February 7, 2013, 9:17 pm
I’ve cried in front of my boss! It was even about work–I was having a really hard time with a coworker, and I went to him trying to talk about it, and I ended up crying! So embarassing. It helped that I was like 21 at the time; I felt better about it.
anonymous February 8, 2013, 8:37 am
I cried in front of my charming (new) boss when a few weeks after he hired me he announced he was going to leave the company. Turned out to be a tool later…completely unethical, etc.
Diablo February 7, 2013, 4:32 pm
So you changed your mind about a restaurant? I can see that being a dealbreaker for him. you can’t just change your mind like that. Not once a decision has been made. i hope you’ve learned your lesson. He was totally justified in walking away and then later sending douchey little passive aggressive texts about how he didn’t get his way. I feel for the lucky girl who ends up with him.
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” – Albert Camus
If high-handed quotes from french existentialists don’t make you feel better, then I got nothing.
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 4:43 pm
This is what happened – and I am going to tell it without exaggeration!:
Original plan: meet up after work, go home to eat veggie burgers and watch There Will Be Blood.
Fucker: Can we get sushi instead?
AP: Sure! Where do you want to go?
F: I don’t care, pick a place.
AP: There’s this place I really like by my old apartment that I haven’t been too since we moved; we could go there, but we’d need to take the bus home
F: Eh, let’s go somewhere within walking distance of your place, so we can just take the el there and be done with it.
AP: Ok, well there are a few places near me we haven’t tried.
F: Ok, pick one, I don’t care.
M: Ok, let’s go to Sushi A.
[We take the el home]
M: Oh you know we could go to Sushi B, remember we went there once?
F: I don’t care. I thought you wanted Sushi A?! [He’s starting to get nervous.]
AP: Sushi A is fine, I was just saying. [We get off the el and start walking there.] Hey, remember Nori by the el right there? We went there on Halloween.
F: Are you saying you want to go there now?
AP: No, I’m just saying. I don’t know why I said that.
[We keep walking and pass another restaurant]
AP: Oh sometime we should go there, I’m not saying now I’m just saying.
F: Is that Sushi A?
AP: No, it’s just another sushi restaurant we should try sometime since it’s so close.
[F pulls me over]
F: What the fuck, can you just stop changing your mind.
AP: I didn’t change my mind, Sushi A is fine.
F: No, you’re walking slow and pointing at this and that and the other thing. I just fucking want you to pick a place and stick with it.
AP: I’m sorry, I just was giving you options.
F: I DON’T WANT OPTIONS, I JUST WANT YOU TO PICK A PLACE.
AP: I did!
F: Yes, you did, and then you changed your mind a million times. You can never focus, I don’t have time for this, I worked all day, I have to stand on a crowded el, and now people are trying to pass us and if I were them I’d be really pissed, you can’t even walk and point at restaurants at the same time, you slow down.
….
And that’s how it went.
Fucking asshole.
Ok, now I’m done talking about it. The more I talk, the more embarrassed I get that I put up with such an angry guy. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for so long, wondering what kind of issue is he dealing with that would make him so upset and wondering how I can make him feel better and assure him he’s ok.
katie February 7, 2013, 4:46 pm
haha, AP i think were like the same person. i act the exact same way and sometimes jake does that too- not like an asshole, but he gets confused about where i want to go.. lol.
and wow- such a reaction to talking about restaurants- just like his reaction to the trainride… yikes. he is not a stable human being.
Fabelle February 7, 2013, 8:04 pm
Yeahhh, I think my boyfriend & I have had this conversation before, actually. I’ve literally said to him “I’m giving you options!” & he’s said in return, “I DON’T WANT OPTIONS” & I have said, to other people, how bad he is at…pivoting…in regard to plans.
But still, AP. He should’ve checked himself before going Full Douche on you.
Jessibel5 February 11, 2013, 4:57 pm
Fabelle,this reminds me of the game that is the bane of my existence. The “What do you want for dinner?” “oh, I don’t know what do YOU want for dinner?” game. It is the worst effing game known in existence. Then you give options and they poo poo them, or if you ask for them to throw something out there to narrow it down and they get all “oh, but you pick”. I think I found a way to win the game, and force them to choose. Just say you want something insanely expensive for dinner, like lobster.
FWIW Addie, he started it. You guys had a veggieburger plan and he’s the one who changed his mind.
Fabelle February 7, 2013, 8:05 pm
FUll Douche: Not owning the fact that he can’t deal with life, & instead making it about you (“you can’t focus” “you’re slowing down too much on the sidewalk”) NOT COOl!
iseeshiny February 7, 2013, 4:49 pm
If you were not AP but instead an LW and you wrote in about this encounter, I would be like, um, did she also kill his dog or something and is conveniently not bringing that up? That’s how ridiculously out of line and assholey he is. I’m so glad you kicked him to the curb and I kind of wish I could kick him too. Only in the shins.
LM February 7, 2013, 4:51 pm
AP, that’s terrible… bad relationships happen to the best of us and he’s a tool and you deserve so much better! At least you’re out of it!
CatsMeow February 7, 2013, 4:59 pm
How many freaking sushi places do you have within walking distance? Dang.
Oh, also he’s a dickwad. Good riddance!
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 5:01 pm
8! There are 8 sushi restaurants within a 3 block radius.
CatsMeow February 7, 2013, 5:06 pm
I’m jealous! Do any of them deliver? Haha, that’s how lazy I am. I’d want it delivered. I wish Ben & Jerry’s would deliver. Usually when I feel like I *must have ice cream NOW* I’m not in any shape to go out in public.
jlyfsh February 7, 2013, 5:18 pm
i want sushi delivered too! at one point one of my old coworkers had an idea to open a dessert delivery service. there are times i could definitely use a piece of chocolate cake delivered!
jlyfsh February 7, 2013, 5:13 pm
i’m sorry that he’s such a jerk AP. you can punch me too if you need to 😉
Lindsay February 7, 2013, 5:04 pm
Ugh, what a crazy person. How do you get upset upon finding out you have SO MANY sushi options??
Wendy February 7, 2013, 7:30 pm
Didn’t he not get you a birthday gift or do anything special for you? Am I remembering right? That’s when I was like, “Tool.” I’m sorry, AP. It really sucks, but thank God you only invested a few months in this d-bag. You deserve so much better and I hope you can see that.
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 8:47 pm
He got me a card. He said he didn’t have time to get me a present but that if I needed something for the condo let him know…. I never cashed that IOU in. This was, mind you, when we were in Cali and I paid for his trip. After a friend gave him shit, he got really mad at me – for making him feel like a disappointment when I knew how busy he was…. (Though I said nothing about it, I really never expect gifts, sure I had hoped he would do something special but whatever, I’m a big girl) but he felt bad and ended up getting me some bath stuff. That was sweet. For Xmas he got me TOOLS. Which actually I had so he took them back and gave me a gift certificate to Home Depot. Imma aim higher next time.
bethany February 8, 2013, 9:08 am
I”m sorry, but in the days of online shopping, saying you’re “too busy” does’t fly. It takes all of 3 minutes to buy something on Amazon!
rachel February 8, 2013, 2:13 pm
Haha, tell that to my boyfriend, who has been bitching for a week about needing to trim his beard because his old trimmer broke.
ele4phant February 7, 2013, 8:47 pm
Based on your story, this is crazy.
I will say, when I am hungry and a restaurant has already been picked, it drives me crazy when my boyfriend keeps saying “Oh, there’s this place, there’s that place!” I totally think he’s being indecisive and I just want to eat already, goddamn it. You’ve given me something to think about, maybe through my cranky-hungriness I’m not recognizing that he’s just trying to make conversation, not prolong the amount of time before I can get some food in my belly.
melissafawn February 7, 2013, 10:00 pm
Keep this and laugh about it later! I totally can’t walk and talk/think things through at the same time, so this cracked me up. Well, that part at least!
I understand people get thrown off by a change in their routine (think Sheldon Cooper), but that is no excuse to berate someone! This bothers me so much and I want to make him feel as awful as he made you feel.
Sobriquet February 7, 2013, 10:18 pm
Ahhh just reading that gives me anxiety! While telling my boyfriend what I was planning to make for dinner tonight I changed my mind at least 3 times. “I’m gonna make grilled chicken tonight. I can make homemade potato skins on the side if that sounds good. Actually, no, that will take too long. Maybe I’ll make mashed potatoes instead. Or MAYBE I can make FRIED mashed potatoes, kind of like tator tots?” I ended up cooking pasta, haha.
Your ex would have murdered me!
WatersEdge February 7, 2013, 11:45 pm
FWIW, your ex would have murdered me, too! I’m like that with the chitchat and indecisiveness.
anonymous February 8, 2013, 8:39 am
I am so sorry to read this. I know you were totally smitten for a while. If it’s the right thing for you, though (and it sounds like it is), stay strong. Much better to be on your own than in an unhealthy relationship…
bagge72 February 7, 2013, 3:36 pm
Other. Her family was crazy, and put me in the middle of a situation I did not want to be in with her kids custody. Her sister told the courts that we took her kid out to a bar on our first date until midnight. I never got the chance to meet her kids, because after a month of her sister finding me at bars, and yelling at me about how crazy her sister was, I had to break it off, and get out of the situation.
lets_be_honest February 7, 2013, 3:43 pm
yikes.
bagge72 February 7, 2013, 3:59 pm
Yeah it wasn’t fun, our time alone was great, but I just couldn’t deal with that stuff at that point.
veritek33 February 7, 2013, 3:37 pm
He ended it this week because I wanted marriage and he wasn’t ready. Or he said he loved me, but he didn’t want to marry me and didn’t want to keep hurting me. Whatever. I’m just numb now and avoiding any and all valentine related foolishness right now.
kerrycontrary February 7, 2013, 3:56 pm
aww veritek. I think we all wish we could send you hugs and some fancy vosges chocolates.
Anna February 7, 2013, 11:42 pm
Aw, I’m so sorry. Sounds exactly like my breakup. The best thing to do right now is just make yourself happy. Once he sees you being happy without him, the realization of what he lost will really kick him in the ass. Trust me.
veritek33 February 8, 2013, 12:57 pm
thanks kerry and anna. he’s starting to act like a tool now, so hopefully that will help with the getting over him process. And I appreciate the hugs and chocolate. Hugs back.
thewriteway February 7, 2013, 3:40 pm
I have no idea why. I dated this guy a couple times about four or five years ago, and I realize now he wasn’t a bad guy at all…I just felt intimidated about having a relationship at the time, so I started to give him the cold shoulder. It was Not Nice on my part and I wish I had been better to him and gone on a few more dates.
Of course, he ended up moving away from the area anyway, so I’m not sure we would’ve stayed together once he left. I think he moved b/c there wasn’t enough work opportunities in his field here. I don’t blame him, but oh god I wish I had given him more of a chance. If I were to meet him today, I’d probably be more receptive.
mandalee February 7, 2013, 3:44 pm
Other- but it was probably a combination of cheating scandal (both of us cheated at one point or another), fell out of love, and couldn’t overcome long distance. Looking back, I have clue how we last 4 and a half years. I look back at my two other exes with fondness, but with that relationship I’m so blank about and it was the longest one! I don’t even know if we were in love in the first place. We were two totally different people, who wanted two different things in life, and I had no idea how we didn’t realize our relationship was a dead end much sooner.
LK7889 February 7, 2013, 3:45 pm
We were too different and wanted different things from life. Besides that, by the end of our relationship, he physically repulsed me. Then he cheated on me and got another woman pregnant. To be honest, I was relieved.
LK7889 February 7, 2013, 3:47 pm
I listed it under “other” even though the cheating was the last straw, technically.
Sasa February 7, 2013, 3:53 pm
I could have checked two boxes. I wanted kids in the near future, he was a bit hesitant but said that he wanted them too, but then backtracked just after we had decided to move in together, saying he wasn’t ready yet. This issue lingered for way too long (almost a year), in the end he actually came around (at least claimed to have changed his mind) but the relationship had deteriorated too much in the mean time.
I’m not sure if it’s related, but during the same period of time I also felt that the sexual chemistry had faded and I didn’t really feel desired by him. I was constantly looking for affirmation that he actually enjoyed being with me, but never felt sure of it. I started craving passion, first developing pointless crushes and then actually falling for someone else.
The whole process was horrible.
bethany February 7, 2013, 3:57 pm
My last boyfriend before my husband broke up with me for a motorcycle.
Literally, he got a motorcycle and then decided that he didn’t want a girlfriend anymore and just wanted to ride his motorcycle!
My husband has a motorcycle, and before he bought it I made him promise not to divorce me 🙂
CatsMeow February 7, 2013, 4:03 pm
We had amazing chemistry and an awesome friendship, but just wanted different things for the future. Also, he’s a commitment-phobe. Now he’s one of my closest friends and he’s moving awayyyyy forever and ever and I’m a sad, sad girl.
L February 7, 2013, 4:06 pm
If there was a “he was a douchenozzle” option I would have picked that one…
Sue Jones February 7, 2013, 4:07 pm
He was a chronic lier, chronic debtor, he cheated on me and he was mentally ill I now realize. But that was a VERY long time ago…
Holly February 7, 2013, 4:20 pm
He didn’t have time for me. He was working two full time jobs, and for some reason thought that sleeping at my place (a half hour a night of interaction, followed up by literally sleeping) most of the week was excessive. He had a half day off a week that didn’t coincide with when I had time off, so I would only see him a few hours that day – and then he complained he never saw his friends (he had no time for anyone, honestly) so during those few hours we hung out with friends. Then he complained he never saw his mom. But at that point we had run out of free time I could give up (his mom would be asleep during the half hour I had him.) So eventually it was my fault he didn’t have those things, not the fault of him working two jobs, and he dumped me. I’d like to add that I offered several times to take actual days off so he could sleep in his bed at his mom’s place, and at the very end offered to spend chunks of time at his place with his mom even though she HATED me, but that wasn’t good enough either.
Diablo February 7, 2013, 4:20 pm
laundry list of reasons. it was the middle 80s. I was 20 and she was 24, with a two year old, and I was just plain too immature to be with her. I was clingy and over-emotional. I became verbally abusive one day in public at our university, and her response was to knee me in the face in front of about 200 people, breaking my glasses. After that, I caught on that it was over.
I’m quite sure that my wife, who should be made a saint, saved me from a series of disastrous relationships. Thanks, M.
Moneypenny February 7, 2013, 4:23 pm
I said “other”. I got dumped after nearly a year because he didn’t think our relationship was going anywhere. It was totally out of the blue. That was almost 5 years ago! I’m so glad to be over that, as it took quite awhile- he wanted to be friends right away and that did NOT help me get over him.
Beth February 7, 2013, 4:54 pm
I had the “lets be friends” right away shit too. No no no. It does not work like that. I told him he was codependent. He then proved his independence by sleeping with a married woman and continuing to drunk text and drunk email me for up to 5 months after we broke up.
Moneypenny February 7, 2013, 11:11 pm
Oh my goodness! That’s awful! Glad you dodged that bullet.
Lydia February 8, 2013, 3:48 am
My last break-up was similar, only we were together for 2,5 years. It was completely unexpected for me and it took me SO LONG to heal from that.
In hindsight, I am so glad it happened because I can now see that he was a jerk who couldn’t give me what I wanted AT ALL and completely broke down my self esteem. Now my only regret is that I didn’t kick him to the curb myself, and sooner.
theattack February 7, 2013, 4:30 pm
It was a few years ago, but the dude had been using his “anxiety” for far too long as an excuse to skip every single class his parents paid for him to take. He was just an all around loser. Played video games and smoked weed all day, refused to get a job, skipped class, failed classes (he’s in his 8th year of undergrad right now), thought he was a musician because he was good at Rock Band (I play two real instruments, so this pissed me off to no end), nickel and dimed me on every single thing (If I drank a soda at his house, he expected me to buy him one in return), he made fun of my parents for having a mortgage, refused to stay at my apartment, and ignored me for Call of Duty. Idiot. I was repulsed by his every move by the end of that “relationship.”
lets_be_honest February 7, 2013, 4:38 pm
thought he was a musician because he was good at Rock Band
hahaha
theattack February 7, 2013, 4:42 pm
haha, yes. At the time I was one of the best French horn players in the state (not to toot my own horn, harharhar), and he would actually try to teach me things about music when he couldn’t even read sheet music, nor did he have any musical experience whatsoever. He could read little red and green buttons on a screen and play them to songs he already knew. Not impressive. haha
othy February 7, 2013, 4:47 pm
You know, I rocked it at Guitar Hero back in the day. Then again, I actually do play the violin and the piano, so that makes me awesome X2, right?
L February 7, 2013, 7:00 pm
FRENCH HORN!! YAY!!! 🙂 I teach music and want a French horn for my school so badly…it is on my wish list. I also wish I had chosen to play horn instead of flute back in 5th grade.
theattack February 7, 2013, 10:05 pm
Aww, you teach music?! That’s so awesome! Music education was my first major in college, but for various reasons it didn’t work out. I still dream about it all the time though. What age groups do you teach, L?
paperheart February 7, 2013, 11:36 pm
I played the flute, too! I always wished I would have picked sax though, just because there were sooooo many flute players. But my high school band was HUGE anyway, so I don’t think it would have made that big of a difference. Haha
beelzebarb February 7, 2013, 5:40 pm
OMG I dated this same guy too, all the way down to the Rock Band thing. He was living with me and he got laid off and at first I figured that part of a relationship is to help the other person when they’re down. I paid all the bills and rent and everything, even though I was working at a non-profit and not making a ton of money. I would come home and he would tell me about this interview or that interview but after several months I started to get suspicious that he was staying home all day and playing xbox. Not only was I right, I actually found out that he had gotten a job offer and TURNED IT DOWN SO HE COULD CONTINUE LIVING OFF OF ME!!!! Holy crap, that was 4 years ago and I’m married now but it STILL really annoys me when I think about it, which I rarely do. Anyways, I kicked his ass out on Valentine’s Day.
His mother was awful too. She was so passive-aggressive. She’s say stuff to me like “You’d be so pretty if you wore makeup.” Really????
beelzebarb February 7, 2013, 5:43 pm
To clarify, he didn’t even interview for the job he got offered. His mom found a friend who was willing to hire him. That’s how I found out about it…we were at his parents’ house for dinner and she said “Remember a few weeks ago when I told you that X had room to take you on? He says he hasn’t heard from you.” Ugh.
LM February 7, 2013, 4:37 pm
I put “other” purely because my ex was a Douchebag McGee… He was a cheater, a liar, and a thief. He cheated on me with 4 men (yes, men) and a couple of women and lied about all of it. He would steal my cash and not pay rent or anything because he gave all of it to a girl he was “working” with who was a meth addict. After I got rid of him, he found where I lived and broke in to my apartment and stole any and all of my electronics – camera, computers, camcorder – and my one firearm, all on my birthday. I then had to spend about 10 hours driving back and forth just to get it all back. All of this and he tried to force me into giving him joint custody of my daughter who was maybe two or three at the time… and no, he isn’t the father of her.
bethany February 7, 2013, 4:43 pm
Wow.
LM February 7, 2013, 4:53 pm
He also tried to OD in my apartment then called and said he wanted to kill me and nearly got me fired from my job. So yeah… he’s also bipolar and wasn’t on meds and blamed me for some unknown reason other than I was just there.
Plus side – my hubby knows about this tool bag and came to my rescue and is an awesome stepdad and dad 🙂
barleystonks February 7, 2013, 4:45 pm
Even a whiff of pot gives me migranes. He didn’t smoke that much, but I wasn’t really that into him anyway.
lets_be_honest February 7, 2013, 5:18 pm
Interesting, I’ve heard pot helps migraines.
BipperBopper February 7, 2013, 4:47 pm
Other – He was an abusive POS.
othy February 7, 2013, 4:51 pm
I married my first and only boyfriend. And we’re still happily married after 7 years of marriage and 12 years total being together. Guess I just got lucky!
Beth February 7, 2013, 4:52 pm
I found out I was pregnant by someone I had slept with right before him and I started dating. He did not want kids, I decided to keep the child. He was also mad because I wanted to talk to the birth father before telling everyone (including my boyfriend) who the biological father is.
TheOtherOtherMe February 7, 2013, 5:00 pm
He was a raging alcoholic (that about covers it!)
Lindsay February 7, 2013, 5:01 pm
He didn’t actually want to be in a relationship, after all.
jottino February 7, 2013, 5:03 pm
I chose long distance, but I wish “long distance” was in quotes. Because two hours isn’t that far, and what he really meant is that he didn’t want to make the drive (every two months only!) because there were plenty of ladies trying to get in his pants at work. So he stopped answering his phone & opened his pants (ew, sorry).
His brother had to tell me we were broken up.
othy February 7, 2013, 5:15 pm
What an asshole.
Paki February 7, 2013, 5:03 pm
I put didn’t have enough time, but it really should be selfishness. We were together a long time and over years, it really became just about him (which I know I allowed). When we were deciding to split, he said he wanted to go the the gym, go to work and then ride his motorcycle. If there was time left, he would be glad to spend it with me. Isn’t that special?
csp February 7, 2013, 5:19 pm
So I think the “never fell in love” is great. I picked that. I dated a guy from my high school like 4 times. He was HOT, nice, fun, and GREAT in bed. Nothing really wrong but we couldn’t really talk and it just wasn’t there for a relationship. so it would fade out and we went to different colleges then would get back together then it would fade. It was never dramatic so we kept forgetting why we broke up. So I then met my husband shortly after one of the fade outs and we got engaged. This ex reached back out to me and I was like, “oh, I m engaged.” then I never heard from him again.
toasty February 7, 2013, 5:22 pm
he cheated and i tried to forgive him, but i never could trust him again. plus he made less and less time for me. basically, undervalued myself for a long time until he started making less time for me and then i got angry. so good thing?
Datdamwuf February 16, 2013, 12:13 pm
yes, it’s a good thing!
BettyBoop February 7, 2013, 5:31 pm
He broke up with me but I never actually bothered to find out why. It was clearly ending and hearing the details wouldn’t have made it easier, so I just let it go. I’m very proud of that one, usually I have to hash out every-damn-thing!
WatersEdge February 7, 2013, 5:47 pm
I didn’t read all the comments to see if someone mentioned this one, but, my last relationship ended because he died.
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 6:12 pm
I’m sorry, WatersEdge!! My mom is a widow. It’s been 5 years.
Addie Pray February 7, 2013, 6:23 pm
How long has it been for you?
WatersEdge February 7, 2013, 11:01 pm
Not very long at all.
Matcha February 8, 2013, 12:04 am
Oh, no. I’m sorry.
Matcha February 8, 2013, 1:19 pm
Now that I’ve gathered my thoughts and still can’t really say anything appropriate, because I’m terrible at it: I always loved reading your comments and advice. You always came through as smart, bright and wonderful. We usually agreed on a lot of letters. Even without knowing much of anything about you–your name, where you live, etc–I can say that I’m very sorry. I’m hoping this is not about your husband, but from your tone it seems that it is.
It probably won’t make much of a difference to you, in light of this terrible thing, that one person you’ve never met is thinking of you but I am. I hope you’re okay.
jlyfsh February 8, 2013, 2:22 pm
I agree Matcha, I think there are many people who she’s never met who are thinking of her and wishing there was more than a few words on the internet that they could offer.
WatersEdge February 8, 2013, 4:42 pm
That’s very, very touching. Thank you.
HmC February 8, 2013, 12:33 am
I’m sorry WatersEdge. You were always one of my favorites on here, I’m hoping you are not referring to your husband? None of my business but, my condolences for your loss.
Addie Pray February 8, 2013, 7:32 am
I know, waters i love you too. Here I am blabbing about idiots left and right and what I ate for breakfast and you had a horrible thing happen to you! I hope you are doing ok. I’m sorry for your loss.
jlyfsh February 8, 2013, 7:39 am
I’m sorry for your loss WatersEdge.
Temperance February 8, 2013, 2:08 pm
She stated in the comments to the shortcuts that he was killed by a drunk driver. :-/
Matcha February 8, 2013, 2:16 pm
I thought that was Zara.
WatersEdge February 8, 2013, 4:39 pm
That wasn’t me. Thanks everyone for the support!
Wendy February 8, 2013, 5:15 pm
I am so very sorry to hear this. You popped in my head just the other day. I realized you hadn’t been around much lately. I’m sure you’re in the thoughts of many.
Classic February 8, 2013, 12:33 am
I’m sorry for your loss.
vees612 February 8, 2013, 12:32 pm
Hi watersedge…I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance suddenly a couple of years ago because he passed away as well. I’m not sure how old you are, but I know it was difficult for me to find people around my age (late 20’s) who’ve lost a significant other through death. I found myself reaching out to anyone who could relate to my situation on some level…well, I know you don’t know me, but if you ever need to talk or send a lengthy rant please feel free to let me know, and I’d be more than happy to give you my email address.
Temperance February 8, 2013, 2:11 pm
I”m so, so sorry.
http://www.mattlogelin.com has a lot of resources for young widows/widowers. (Matt lost his wife a few years ago.)
Kelly L. February 7, 2013, 5:53 pm
Poly drama.
Bossy Italian Wife February 7, 2013, 7:21 pm
The last relationship I had before my husband ended not because there wasn’t love or attraction, but simply because he wasn’t the guy for me. I knew that I didn’t want to marry him, and so I didn’t see the sense in prolonging the relationship. He was a great guy–very nice, and attractive–but there wasn’t that something extra I was looking for. It was that simple.
As soon as you know, you just KNOW.
Meredith February 7, 2013, 7:40 pm
My last relationship before my husband ended bc our age difference (he was 33 I was 21) made us incompatible. After the newness wore off I realized it wasn’t going to work. Also I started figuring out he was a controlling asshole.
MaterialsGirl February 7, 2013, 10:56 pm
my last relationship ended because of our jobs and what paths we wanted to take. he was a military officer and pilot, i’m a scientist engineer and I wanted to use my degrees.. not follow someone around the country. I needed to have my opinion be equal to his and not have the military tell me what to do and how to live my life.
jottino February 8, 2013, 12:37 pm
Good for you. I’m a scientist too, & I know how it feels when you have that pressure or “choice.” You made a great decision 🙂
Painted_lady February 7, 2013, 11:41 pm
I put “didn’t have enough time for me” because at its core, that was the problem. I was never the priority. Most of the time he just did what he wanted and justified it with, “That’s who I am.” Which would be perfectly acceptable if his decisions were only affecting him…alas, no.
Anna February 7, 2013, 11:52 pm
He didn’t appreciate what a fucking awesome girlfriend I was and couldn’t cut the apron strings from mommy and daddy to choose an adult family. It sucks having parents who don’t care about you but one good thing I can say about it is that it made me become independent quickly and I wouldn’t trade my independence for anything. Knowing that I have everything I have because of my own hard work is what gets me out of bed in the evening (funny wording I know but I work nights so that’s when I get up for work).
Ammie February 8, 2013, 1:09 am
Fell out of love partially because of distance, partially because of personalities that were changing while we were apart and making us progressively more incompatible. I won’t do long distance again… I’m just not built for it. My current guy lives 40 minutes away from me, and that almost feels like too far.
It’s possible I’m a really lazy person, actually.
Nookie February 8, 2013, 6:57 am
‘Fell out of love’ but maybe I never really loved him in the first place, I don’t think we knew each other very well despite long distancing for almost two years. I’m just really grateful I realised this before moving to a foreign country to be with him and it would’ve fallen apart much more dramatically than it did. He told me he’s ‘kind of dating’ someone now, I really hope she’s more on his level!
shanshantastic February 8, 2013, 9:23 am
Last relationship that wasn’t with my husband – we started dating the summer before I transferred away to finish my degree. I drove home (Columbus to Cleveland, ~2.5 hours one way) every weekend (3 pm Friday, back to school at 6 am Monday for 10 am class) and was miserable with him *and* at school. Maybe because I was never there… I decided over winter break that I was going to enjoy my college experience and really get involved on campus, and I considered changing my major. First day of classes (MLK Day, love those private schools) I had a 2-hour argument with him on the phone. He told me I was “wasting my potential” by considering an education major, and that I shouldn’t want to join a sorority with a bunch of “social rejects”. He also didn’t believe that I already had reading for class, since his community college didn’t have class on MLK Day. People in the hall could hear him yelling at me on my phone… I realized he didn’t really know or understand or appreciate who I was, and I called him back and told him it was over. He cried. I don’t know what he’s doing today, but I hope he’s happy.
mmmCheesy February 8, 2013, 10:25 am
I chose “other” because “he was a hypersensitive, high-maintenance, girly man-child whose BS exhausted me” wasn’t an option. It didn’t work out because he was an interesting combo of a arrogance and insecurity/emotional neediness that didn’t work for me in the long run. It didn’t work because of things like he wouldn’t ever stay at my house, never would spend Saturday nights or much time on the weekend with me, would only do what he said he was going to do about 60% of the time, but also seemed emotionally tied up in knots half the time. He consistently railed on me for being ungrateful and unappreciative and told me that he did do much for me and I didn’t do anything for him, when his only example of what he did for me was buy me dinner once a week (which I always offered to split with him). He refused to see anything I contributed to the relationship, but then would say things like “I can’t believe you are bitching at me for not spending Saturday nights with you when I just bought you dinner last night.” He freaked out on me one day when he had booked a hotel night for us for the weekend and I didn’t call him immediately after work to praise him for it (I got home late from the office and was sick, which he said was “just an excuse and was BS”). He would get free tickets to events from his job, invite me to come with him, then look at me and say things like “this worked out pretty well for you, didn’t it” with total disdain, like he was doing me a huge favor by allowing me to come with him. I could go on and on for days about some of the things he said and did.
I honestly still can’t wrap my head around the whole thing. I’ve spent a fair amount of time beating myself up for not being “grateful” enough, even though rationally I know I didn’t do anything wrong and treated him really well. I still have a hard time understanding a lot of what happened and why.
Oh, and he broke up with me via email. On my work email account. During office hours. Because he’s that guy.
Temperance February 8, 2013, 2:01 pm
Why wasn’t there an option for “his Catholic parents made him dump me because he came to a lesbian wedding with me and therefore, I encouraged him to violate his beliefs and showed a disregard for marriage”?
Because that totally happened to me. lol
Trixy Minx February 8, 2013, 2:30 pm
His job took him to south korea and at the time he didn’t have an international phone. he just works waay too much like 50 plus hours along with side stuff and i was the lowest priority. We remain good friends but thats about it.
kare February 9, 2013, 12:07 am
I said after almost 4 years of dating, he needed to put in more effort (such as see each other more than once a week, etc). He said he was no longer physically attracted to me because I had gained 20 pounds from when we started dating and that at the rate I was going, I would be obese soon. I’m a size 4. This was all over text message while I was at work with the final breakup text sent to me while I was driving home in rush hour. By the time I got home and checked my phone, he had sent the text and changed his Facebook status to “Single”. He lived 10 minutes away from me.
After the breakup, I found out he cheated on me with the friend that I was always suspicious of. They started dating officially about a month after we broke up, moved in with each other shortly after that, and are now living happily together. I wish I could be happy for them, but I’m still kind of bitter that he would constantly say things about my weight and make me feel like a bad person for not starving myself anymore. I mean he seriously told me that “I feel like you don’t love me because you’ve gained weight and don’t care about being attractive to me”. His new girlfriend is a lot bigger than me. So I guess it’s good he’s not as shallow, but it still sucks to spend every single day thinking about food and reminding yourself to eat. One of his previous girlfriends has a lot of mutual friends as me and said that she felt the same pressure to stay thin during their relationship too.
temperance February 9, 2013, 12:55 am
You definitely don’t have to be happy for the asshole who cheated on you!
Classic February 9, 2013, 12:30 am
Other: He avoided physical contact with me for 45 days because I was bleeding (Sorry– TMI lady issue here). Some lovely, wise, and expressive DW women helped me understand that it was really very selfish, cold, and strange behavior. I did try to communicate and tried to resolve the situation and even tried to compromise, but the problem was not solved, so I ended the one-year relationship as a New Years Resolution, 1-1-2013. So far, so good, but reading here about other people’s breakups brings it back.
Alexandra February 12, 2013, 10:06 pm
There were several things about our relationship that were frustrating me very badly, I communicated them repeatedly and he didn’t take me serious AT ALL. I eventually god fed up and left a 4 years relationship thinking there must be someone better for me somewhere. And it turns out there is.
Datdamwuf February 16, 2013, 11:58 am
There was cheating and abuse – wasted years with a psychopath, at least I made it out alive.