Quickie: “My Husband Wants Me to Quit My Job to Have a Baby”

My husband and I have been married for two years and together for five. He’s a Scorpio and I’m a Sagittarius, which I know means we aren’t compatible, but we’ve worked hard for our relationship and made it work. Now we’ve hit a problem though: We both want a baby, but he wants me to quit my job so I can stay home and take care of it, which I don’t want to do. If I don’t agree to stay home with our child, he won’t agree to our having a child.  We’ve been at this impasse for weeks, and I’m scared this could have a bad effect on our relationship (resentment, anger, etc). I’m a therapist and I’ve seen couples get torn apart because of children. I never think he’d leave me and I’d never leave him, but I don’t know what to do. — A Parently


Wait, you’re a therapist and you didn’t think to discuss the idea of children and your expectations about co-parenting before you got married? Look, you can’t give in on this. Tell your husband you aren’t quitting your career to be a stay-at-home mom and that’s it. If you can financially swing it, HE can stay home, or you can do what millions of families do and outsource daytime childcare. This is something you have to be on the same page about, so if you aren’t able to find your way there together, then find a marriage counselor to help you navigate this issue and determine whether your marriage can be saved. Just make sure you find a counselor who’s the right zodiac sign or you’ll definitely be looking for a divorce attorney sooner rather than later. (Kidding, sort of).


  1. Just a girl says:

    LW doesn’t say what kind of therapist, but I’m dubious. Even so, if you’re having power struggles about big decisions like this, you probably didn’t work out as much of these differences as you think. It’s good that you’re discussing it. If put off having children until it’s worked out-if it can be-because raising a family is hard enough without resentment as the foundation.

    I agree marriage counseling might help.

  2. Rosie brooks says:

    A therapist who believes in star signs (as well as not discussing children before getting married).

    I’m guessing they are very very young – too young to have babies

  3. Red flag. He wants to control you. Some men like to keep their wives barefoot and pregnant and forbid them from work or education so he can be a tin pot dictator and rule his family with an iron fist. Run.

    1. Anonymous says:

      I would say that him wanting her to stay home is trying to control her. I would’ve killed to have had a husband who made enough money for me to be able to stay at home and be a full-time parent to my son.

  4. You’re a therapist and you actually believe in horoscopes and compatibility? Or anything about horoscopes at all. Good grief tear up that diploma, you have no business giving therapy to anyone.

  5. HeartsMum says:

    Quite apart from the star signs thing, language in this letter is bringing out the BitterGayMark in me: “want a baby” sounds like ‘want a puppy’ and “take care of IT”, well, perhaps don’t reproduce until you are capable of planning a family, including agreement on how to meet parental responsibilities. Rush into parenthood to avoid these difficult conversations, and I give you a 95% chance of marriage breakdown by baby’s 2nd birthday.

  6. My thoughts are that a therapist can work from home, can they not? Maybe have someone watch the baby/toddler for you for 1/2 a day for a few years, cut back on your work time for a while and be Mom for the afternoons and evenings.

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