It makes me feel so confused because everything was great. At first I thought he sounded depressed but now I am thinking he’s having a midlife crisis (he’s 37). But I am unsure, and unsure how to help him. We still live together but just as friends because he broke up with me. But he said he didn’t want to hurt me. I need help please . . . what should I do? I wanna stay close with him in hopes that when he gets feelings again, we can get back together. Please help. — He’s Feeling Empty
You’ve only been together a year. The time and energy you would potentially have to invest in this person who’s given no indication he wants any kind of future with you is not worth it, no matter how perfect you think your relationship was – especially when you have a kid who needs your attention and protection. It would be one thing if you had a long-term commitment with this guy. But a year? Come on, all of my underwear is older than that.
It’s time for you to find a new place for you and your child and move out of the place you’ve been sharing with the guy who, out of the blue, suddenly went from loving you to having zero feelings at all. That’s not midlife crisis behavior (and 37 is a few years young for “midlife” anyway); it’s behavior that might be indicative of some mental illness or he may simply have outgrown your relationship and lacks the language and/or maturity to express that to you. At any rate, this is no longer a safe or healthy place for you and your child to be, and you need to find a new suitable home for you two and move on from this guy. Trust me when I say no good is going to come from hanging around and finding out, especially when you have a child to protect and care for.
I truly do not want to lose him, but he said he is disgusted, disappointed, and sad but still loves and cares about me. I feel I’m on the brink of losing someone I really care for. He doesn’t want to see my kids for now – at least until he feels comfortable again…if he ever will. What can I do to keep this man who did nothing but love and care for us? — Afraid to Lose Him
At six months, your kids should barely even know your new boyfriend yet (if at all), let alone be handled by him. It’s entirely possible that your gut reaction that your boyfriend touched your daughter inappropriately was correct. How do you know it wasn’t? Just because he said it wasn’t? That you would initially think your boyfriend had inappropriate intentions underscores just how fast this relationship has moved and how wrong it is that he is already so involved in your kids’ lives! You should wait until you really, really trust someone before you let him be that involved. I think it’s best for you to focus on your kids for now, and on being the best mom to them, and put dating on hold for a bit. I’m concerned about your judgment being that you’d introduce a man to your kids so quickly and let him be so intimately involved with them, despite what you say was a “hard time in the beginning building a bond.” Six months in IS the beginning!!
I don’t know what your question is but the answer is birth control.