As much as their potential behavior at your mother’s eventual memorial service may sicken you, I think you will feel worse in the longterm if you withhold news of your mother’s passing and deny your brother the opportunity for closure. Don’t let them make you feel worse than they already have. Take the high road. The short-term sacrifice it will require of you will be worth the long-term peace of mind that you did the right thing. In the mean time, bypass your brother’s wife and call him directly and tell him that time is running out to see your mother and that it would mean the world to her to see her son one more time before she dies.
Accept that you will not be getting any help from your brother — that the best you can hope for is a final visit for your mother’s sake (and even that may not happen) — and that life isn’t fair and the messiness of dealing with a parent’s final months, days, and moments, often falls on one sibling for a variety of reasons. I hope you at least feel rewarded for the stress you are feeling now with a sense of purpose in providing care and love for the woman who raised you, and that the time you’re spending together now is giving you both plenty of opportunity to express what you need and want to say before your mother passes away. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
No one goes to a brothel — alone or with someone — to shoot some pool. You know your dude’s lying, and even if he weren’t (he is though!), the fact that he’s already told you “vicious lies” in the past and you don’t trust him should be reason enough to make him your EX-partner.
She may not even know the clothes are yours. For all you know, your ex-husband took the clothes off the hangers, wrapped them up and presented them to her as a housewarming gift. Or, sure, maybe she IS trying to play mind games and make you jealous. Regardless, the best thing you can do, especially since you are very glad to be gone and free of your ex, is to STOP LOOKING AT HIS AND HS NEW GIRLFRIEND’S PHOTOS!! Seriously, just stop it. Block them both on social media and move on with your life. If you have no idea what they’re up to, their attempts at trying to play mind games – if that’s what they’re doing – won’t matter because you won’t see them.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.