Then in 2011 I was sent a letter of a private message between him and my other sister flirting. My husband had said to her: “I can’t wait to see you in those short skirts, come on summer.” I confronted him and at first he lied. Then I showed him the letter and he said: “That’s not flirting — it was just a conversation.” How do I forgive and forget? — Dismissed
After twenty-five years of this behavior and being brushed off, laughed at, dismissed, and told you are “reading things wrong,” or being “too sensitive,” what you do now is dump the asshole and reclaim your time, independence, and dignity. Only then can you begin to forgive. Forget? Not likely…
I mean, maybe he ended things because you told him he has nothing to bring to table because he doesn’t own anything? That might make someone feel pretty crappy and like he isn’t really appreciated and like maybe he’d be better off moving on. Then again, you’re smart to protect your assets, and if you had a gut feeling this guy might be using you for security, better to know now than after letting him move in with you. Frankly, I don’t know why you’d want to live with him anyway. You aren’t even divorced yet, you already have a roommate (your son), and your boyfriend (well, ex-boyfriend) lives close by, so what would you gain out of living with him? More headache, it sounds like. I would have framed your desire to continue living separately around wanting your own space, rather than your boyfriend not bringing anything to the table, but what’s done is done, and if this is the issue that broke you, then you weren’t right for each other in the long run. Enjoy being single and independent for now — especially since your divorce papers haven’t even been signed yet.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.