Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Quiz: One in Four Women Deliberately do this on Facebook

Quiz: No Friday links today since I wasn’t online enough this week to find interesting stuff to share and also, OH MY GOD, I SPENT 10 HOURS ON A PLANE BY MYSELF WITH A TEETHING BABY YESTERDAY AND I AM TOTALLY FRIED AND CAN BARELY FUNCTION. In lieu of links, here is a little quiz for you:


Q: One in four women deliberately do this on Facebook:

A: Stalk their exes.
B: Overuse the exclamation point.
C: Be-friend people they don’t like because they want to make them jealous with status updates and pictures of their awesome lives.
D: Send wedding invitations.
E: Post unflattering photos of their female friends.

And the answer is…

E! According to a new survey that polled over 1500 women, a quarter admitted to purposely posting unflattering photos of their female friends. “When asked to remove an unflattering photo, one-fifth of the women surveyed said they refused.” WTF? What is WRONG with everyone?

[via Huffington Post]
For the record, though, I do think that the answer A-D are probably correct as well, though to my knowledge there have been no surveys to prove that theory (yet)…

67 comments… add one
  • painted_lady July 6, 2012, 12:03 pm

    That’s it. I officially quit humanity.

    Seriously?! That is so fucking petty.

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    • SweetsAndBeats July 6, 2012, 12:07 pm

      I agree. Seriously, who the fuck does that? Really, are one out of four women so desperately lacking in self esteem and respect for their friends that they’re willing to be complete bitches? That makes me very, very sad.

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    • JK July 6, 2012, 4:47 pm

      I decided to quit humanity after the oreo protests the other day.

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      • Trixy Minx July 8, 2012, 2:42 pm

        Who would protest oreos?

      • katie July 8, 2012, 3:04 pm

        google it… they put up a picture of an oreo with rainbow filling in support of pride day (or all the pride festivals- i dont actually know if its a day) and people freaked the f out. google it so you can see the screenshots of some of the comments people said.. it was unbelievable.

        but yes, people are protesting and boycotting oreos because they supported pride parades.

  • Violet July 6, 2012, 12:05 pm

    I have a strict policy of always asking before posting photos of anyone, and being immediately willing to take something down ASAP if it makes the subject uncomfortable. Most of my FB friends are the same way, but I do have a few that I would consider close friends in real life, who are really shitty about this. Now I do wonder about their motives.

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  • Christy July 6, 2012, 12:05 pm

    Wendy I love you. Especially for your willingness to just lay it all out there about Jackson. At least you’re home now?

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  • Trixy Minx July 6, 2012, 12:08 pm

    I ask guilty of A. I’ve posted unflattering pictures of my friend before but only because they wantEd me to post all the photos from the night before and I want sure which one she like soo I just posted them all and deleted the ones she didn’t like. Hopefully not many people saw the pictures while it was up.

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    • Violet July 6, 2012, 12:41 pm

      But the difference is that you pulled them down right away when your friend asked you to. Some people won’t, and there’s no recourse you can take on FB without getting totally overdramatic and creating a rift with a friend because of their douchery. What you did doesn’t sound bad in that regard.

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  • JK July 6, 2012, 12:08 pm

    Poor Jackson! (and poor you, Wendy as well of course). What helps with teething is wetting a piece of gauze (sterile), and freezing it. The cold and the rough texture both help a lot.

    What a bitchy thing to do, post unflattering pics of friends?
    I am definitely guilty of the overuse of exclamation points. 🙂
    And I would guess that the ex stalking is done by a lot more than 1/4 women.

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  • Trixy Minx July 6, 2012, 12:10 pm

    I joke alot with my sister how if I ever have kids I’m going to keep a drop of Nyquil around just in case of crying babies . Does anyone do this with their kids?

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    • AKchic July 6, 2012, 12:17 pm

      They can build a tolerance to it, and if you have any addiction issues in your family, there is a chance they can become addicted to it, meaning they have a harder time falling asleep without it.

      But, yes, I have used it on occasion. When my mom has let them sleep a long time when she had them for a rare afternoon and I had to work the next day (meaning a normal bedtime), plane rides, that sort of thing.

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      • SpaceySteph July 6, 2012, 2:34 pm

        I wonder if they make a baby benadryl or something, so you can be sure it’s a safe dose for kids. They make children Tylenol and stuff. I wouldn’t worry generally about giving my kids drugs, but I would worry about getting the dosing right so it isn’t dangerous.
        I’m from a “better living through chemistry” family, so I was no stranger to medicine, even as a kid.

    • Skyblossom July 6, 2012, 12:57 pm

      Never. I hate the idea of controlling kids with drugs just to make life easier. Being drugged isn’t good for the kids and I doubt it’s good for the parent.

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    • JK July 6, 2012, 2:39 pm

      I had a patient that ended up with brain damage and in a wheelchair due to an intoxication from a herbal infusion when he was a baby.
      Needless to say I don´t use any type of medication (natural or otherwise) to get my daughters to sleep.

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      • Skyblossom July 6, 2012, 4:03 pm

        About ten years ago a local woman was charged with manslaughter because she gave a toddler she was babysitting cough medicine to make her sleep. The toddler wasn’t ill and the parents hadn’t given the cough medicine to the babysitter, the sitter just used it to make the child sleep. She slept so soundly, because she was so drugged, that when the blanket slid over her face she suffocated due to too much carbon dioxide under the blanket. It was inexcusable.

      • JK July 6, 2012, 4:27 pm

        Wow. I hope she got what she deserved.

      • Skyblossom July 6, 2012, 5:15 pm

        She did. There was no sympathy for a woman who killed a one-year-old.

  • Riefer July 6, 2012, 12:13 pm

    I get the impression that the type of woman who does this is the type that doesn’t have much going on in their lives. And unfortunately, that’s been true of women in many cultures for a long time. So it’s become a gendered thing, to pick on other women because there was nothing else to really do. Especially if your husband was rich and you had hired help. Then your life was just empty. I get a subscription to this magazine that looks at the history of needlework, and when you see how fiddly and complex the embroidery, lacemaking, etc was in the 17th and 18th centuries in Europe, you can see how the women had nothing else to do and just did this to fill their time. It’s sad. 🙁

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  • ktfran July 6, 2012, 12:18 pm

    Not just women, but EVERYONE overuses exclamation points. And emoticons. Sorry DWers who frequently use them, but many times, they are unnecessary.

    I don’t really stalk exes. I do stalk potential dates.

    And I’m honestly surprised about the answer to this quiz. I can’t believe women purposefully post unflattering pics of friends. Wow. Mean girls much?

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    • SpaceySteph July 6, 2012, 12:52 pm

      Hah, there’s a guy on a project with us and every email he sends out contains about 5 exclamation points. We all joke about it behind his back. Because we’re jerks.

      And then someone on the group had a baby and they were waiting to find out the sex until birth. She sent an email to say it was a boy and he responded (reply all, another pet peeve) to the announcement with only 1 exclamation point. We’re all like wtf, THIS is the time to use exclamation points if there was one.

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      • SpaceySteph July 6, 2012, 12:58 pm

        Btw this is a WORK project. He’s a 50-something year old man with 4 kids. Why does he email like a 16 year old?

      • JK July 6, 2012, 1:02 pm

        I think sometimes that generation can see a style of writing/punctuation, think it´s cool and use it, no matter how silly it looks.
        My mum is pretty internet savvy, very active on fb, and now for… the last…couple of…months she´s been…typing like…this.
        SO ANNOYING!!! And she never did it before. I called her out on it, and she says it´s “her style”.

      • ktfran July 6, 2012, 1:46 pm

        I laughed out loud at this. Too funny.

        Steph – that would get annoying and I would totally make fun of him behind his back.

  • Fabelle July 6, 2012, 12:37 pm

    I’m just surprised the answer isn’t “all of the above.” And yeah, I actually did have a friend who’d consistently post unflattering pictures of me to FB, even though she would upload ALL the photos onto my computer (so I’d see there were much better choices…) Some women are that pathetic, or just don’t care who looks bad in the picture as long as they look good.

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    • Trixy Minx July 6, 2012, 12:46 pm

      I know a few chicks that are only friends with people uglier than them. Why? Cause she gets off on having all the guys flock to her. Its sad, really.

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      • Lili July 6, 2012, 1:00 pm

        I hate to say it but there is Just to a Little bit of science to back that up. In Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely, he talks about how humans need choices to make decisions and that when given an option SIMILAR, but a little less appealing to the other, people are more likely TO choose. Versus instances where no comparison can be drawn, so people don’t choose. I’ve noticed this as well in my real life. For example, I’ve recently started hanging out with a girl who does look similar to me (brown hair, brown eyes, shortish (we’re 5’2 and 5’4) She’s tan and has a very similar ethnic background. Only difference is, I’d say she’s taller and thinner than I am, plus she wears more tighter and skimpier clothing than I do when going out. When we’re together SHE ALWAYS gets hit on, while I get to talk to the friend of his, who’s usually either 1) in a relationship and 2) not interested.

        I have two blonde friends who have similar traits but again, one is thinner and wears more figure flattering outfits, but she’s also shorter. But again, the thinner blond gets hit on where as the other friend gets the same role I do. Now, when me and the less thin blonde go out together, we’re SO dissimilar that we’ll either be ignored outright, OR we’ll find men who really really are into US. Its happened enough times for me to see the pattern.

        SO I guess what I’m saying is, its sad that people do this, but its rooted in something very real.

      • ktfran July 6, 2012, 1:55 pm

        I think some women consciously friend women because they aren’t as pretty as them. But I also think often times people attract certain kinds of personalities that either compliment one another are like one another.

        Lili, since you say you and your burnette friends are similar, I bet she really didn’t friend you because she’s thinner. And, she totally knows what she’s doing with the skimpier clothing.

        Luckily, my close gal pals and I don’t attract the same kind of men. And we’re not really attacted to the same type. That’s actually kind of weird. Hmm.

      • Lili July 6, 2012, 4:35 pm

        Oh I don’t mean to imply that my friends chose me or each other for that reason, its just a pattern I’ve observed. And for what its worth, I know the lifestyle my skinny friend leads, and I’ll gladly work out , but all the while still eating nachos on a regular basis and that way I keep my current shape. She’s so disciplined in her workouts and her food intake, I could never be that way. Cheese and carbs are my life.
        And I wish I could wear skimpier clothes, I really do. I just get SO COLD here like 11 months of the year, that I’ll stick to wearing boots and jeans or less revealing dresses with tights. I like being warm too much.

      • JK July 6, 2012, 4:39 pm

        Question: mid calf boots with leggings/skinny jeans. Yay or nay?

      • Lili July 6, 2012, 4:44 pm

        YAY! But be sure to wear a more form fitting top in a color flattering the pants/boots to cut the torso and give some curves.

      • JK July 6, 2012, 4:46 pm

        Awesome, thanks!

      • Brad July 8, 2012, 9:33 am

        FWIW, I don’t think guys really care about a woman’s height at all so long as she is shorter than he is.

  • GatorGirl July 6, 2012, 12:49 pm

    I look up ex’s occasionally. But I’m really trying to lower my overall FB use. I’m an over-sharer so it’s hard. But really, the FB universe does not need to know I had chicken tenders for lunch or bought a new belt.

    And thank you for your honesty Wendy. It is refreshing to hear such honesty about the good and bad of having a baby.

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  • AV July 6, 2012, 12:50 pm

    I’ve made this honest mistake before and was reamed – REAMED, I SAY – by the unflattered subject in question. In my defense, these were photos from a night of post-thesis drunken debauchery – no one EVER looks good, in my experience. Obviously, I took the offending photos down but I’d say online etiquette goes both ways – think before you post and don’t be a complete rage-aholic about said post.

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  • bethany July 6, 2012, 12:53 pm

    Guilty of #1, and #1 only.

    I would NEVER purposly post a bad pic of a friend. In fact, I only tag my girl friends in pictures where I think they look good!

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    • bethany July 6, 2012, 12:57 pm

      Oh, and can I take this moment to complain about people not understanding that they don’t have to post every fucking picture they take when they’re out/on vacation/whatever. EDIT, people, EDIT!!! I don’t want to look at 200 pictures, half of which are blurry, just to find the 15-20 pics that are actually interesting! You do not need to post blurry pics, people! There’s a delete button on the camera for a reason.

      That is all.

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      • katie July 6, 2012, 1:30 pm

        haha.. i am most definitely guilty of posting too many pictures… but they are all good. i promise. all good. lol

    • Addie Pray July 6, 2012, 1:26 pm

      I wish people just wouldn’t upload pics at all without getting people’s permission. Taggin v. not tagging doesn’t really matter b/c if you have a million friends in common, everyone will see. There are a million if not more (ok, not a “million” but a lot of ) pictures of me partying in law school (and, well, post law school) – nothing illegal but I certainly look drunk – on FB. All because I have this one group of girlfriends that take so many fucking pictures. We have a million friends in common (again, not quite a million but you get it) and all they have to do is flip through their FB albums. …. Why do people post party pictures like that? I think it’s D U M B. If I ever do that, I want everyone to call me out on that.

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      • Addie Pray July 6, 2012, 1:27 pm

        * I mean, all our friends in common have to do to see me is flip through my friends’ FB albums… I think it’s all dumb.

      • JK July 6, 2012, 1:29 pm

        You just have to do what I do, and not appear in any photos.
        I hate getting my photo taken, and am completely unphotogenic, so I have very few pics of me most of the ones I do have are of me and the girls. I´m usually the group photographer otherwise.
        I would´ve added a smiley face but ktfran is mean and is a hater of emoticons. Boo!

      • bethany July 6, 2012, 2:13 pm

        I’ll do it for you 🙂

      • JK July 6, 2012, 2:31 pm

        Thanks bethany.

        My comments feel so flat without exclamation points and emoticons.

      • CatsMeow July 6, 2012, 3:09 pm

        You can set your privacy settings so that you have to “approve” any photos that you are tagged in. They’ll still be on your friend’s page, but at least you won’t be tagged. You can do this for people who try to tag you at places too (or just block that feature altogether).

  • SGMcG July 6, 2012, 1:01 pm

    If Zuckerberg can guarantee the causes and effects of the various factors in play here, he may have another internet zeitgeist here with the Facebook Friendship Test ™:

    1. Have said “friend”/test subject take obviously unflattering pic. Ask them afterwards to upload album of event in question so you can test what was uploaded.
    2. If they upload obviously unflattering pic and make it private/for your eyes only –> start trusting friend more
    3. If they upload obviously unflattering pic and make it public –> classify as casual acquaintance.
    4. If you ask for obviously unflattering pic to be taken down and they honor request –> classify as Frenemy
    5. If you ask for obviously unflattering pic to be taken down and they refuse –> evaluate the relationship/friendship benefit potential and proceed with caution.

    Yet if you even bother to take such a test in the first place –> seriously evaluate your personal definition of friendship and the quality of individuals you interact with socially.

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    • JK July 6, 2012, 1:04 pm

      Love it!
      Where have you been lately? It seems like ages since I´ve seen you comment.

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      • Trixy Minx July 6, 2012, 1:21 pm

        I think she has the whale gravatar?

      • SGMcG July 6, 2012, 2:16 pm

        Unfortunately, work got more demanding and my ability to comment decreased. Yet reading Wendy is my lunchtime/breaktime fix, so I’m still here. I’ll try and comment when I get the time, yet by the time I get to comment, everyone else has already voiced my sentiment. I’m still reading though and I’ll comment where appropriate/relevant too. I just hope others are still too *Signaling spaceboy….where are you spaceboy?*

      • JK July 6, 2012, 2:29 pm

        I know, so many regulars have stopped commenting.

  • Michelle.Lea July 6, 2012, 12:02 pm

    i dont know about anyone else here, but i try very hard NOT to post unflattering pictures of my friends..because there are far too many of me out there and i dont want them to retaliate lol

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    • ktfran July 6, 2012, 12:19 pm


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    • FancyPants July 6, 2012, 2:33 pm

      That, and before I post any photos of my gal pals, I take a minute and red eye correct and use that blendy tool to erase any stray zits. REd Eye because why would I want to show off a bunch of red eye photos, and zits, because I’d hope they would do the same for me.

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  • Addie Pray July 6, 2012, 1:17 pm

    I am guilty of (A) and (B) for sure! (<—- See?). I am sometimes partially guilty of (C) in that I, sometimes, accept a friend request from someone I don't like — not to make them jealous with status updates and pictures — but to see what they're up to. I don't know what that says about me. Eh, I'm not above using FB for (D). But I would never do (E)! I have a friend who takes pictures always, nonstop, everywhere, no matter what, and she'll upload and post every fucking single picture immediately when she gets home from our night out. We have a million friends in common, including coworkers and professors and parents and other people that really don't need to see me licking the rim of a wine bottle at the end of a long night. I've asked her a gazillion times not to post all those fucking pictures. She does it anyway. … So my MO is: (1) Try to avoid being in pictures she takes; (2) Set my FB so only I can see pictures that I'm tagged in; and (3) that's it. I can't not hang out with this girl because she otherwise is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. 🙂

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    • Violet July 6, 2012, 3:49 pm

      OMG AP, your friend sounds like a couple of mine. That’s all you can do is avoid being in the photos. I think FB makes some people mildly sociopathic…

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  • bittergaymark July 6, 2012, 1:29 pm

    Honestly? Truthfully? Yeah, I, too, expected the answer to be ALL of the above… For many, its TWO-FACED BOOK…

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    • Trixy Minx July 6, 2012, 1:32 pm

      People have been two faced long before internet was around.

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      • JK July 6, 2012, 1:34 pm

        Yep, it´s just more evident now.

      • SweetsAndBeats July 6, 2012, 1:55 pm

        Well, now we have trails of evidence…

      • Trixy Minx July 6, 2012, 2:00 pm

        I know what you posted last month.

      • Trixy Minx July 6, 2012, 2:15 pm

        Just an Fyi
        That was meant to sound as creepy as possible.

    • katie July 6, 2012, 1:36 pm

      two-faced book is almost as good as the kartrashians.


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  • SpaceySteph July 6, 2012, 12:56 pm

    Ok confession, re: A. Trying to cut down a long story.
    My ex and I were long distance. He made friends with a girl at the campus Jewish student organization. A few weeks later I went to visit him and we went to shabbat dinner there. He introduced us and she was all “Oh you’re the girlfriend!” because she had been camp BFFs with my sister about 8 years prior and had actually stayed at our house before. So funny coincidence, right?
    She friended me on facebook. Then she stole my boyfriend. So I blocked him but stayed fb friends with her and used to kinda stalk him through her page for about a year after we broke up. Finally I realized I was being crazy so I blocked her too. Worst thing I’ve ever done.

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  • Kristina July 6, 2012, 1:59 pm

    Look, I’ve never posted unflattering photos of my friends on Facebook, and if they did ask, I would take them down, but really why is this is an issue? Why do people even give a damn about that? People are all so concerned about showing their best self on Facebook, that it all becomes so fake so quickly.

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    • Anna July 6, 2012, 2:17 pm

      It’s not fake to want only your best pics on public sites. If there’s a pic where you’re throwing your head back drunkenly laughing with your eyes closed and it looks like you have 3 chins, I think it’s perfectly normal to untag yourself! After all, you don’t look ridiculous like that in everyday life.

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      • SpaceySteph July 6, 2012, 2:37 pm

        I agree that its not necessarily a problem, but some people take it to the extreme. It’s one thing to not want a bunch of inappropriate pics and drunken debauchery. But it’s another to be like “that’s my bad side” or “ew I look fat in this one” to every picture that isn’t super flattering.

      • Kristina July 6, 2012, 2:46 pm

        Yeah those instances are more of what I was referring to. I just don’t get it. The other ones are more understandable for sure.

  • ColorsOfTheWind July 7, 2012, 9:42 am

    When I was 15 or 16 one of my friends posted a photo where my tubetop had fallen down exposing all of my bra. I asked her several times to take it down. She told me “it just looks like part of the shirt” “you look really cute in the picture” for several days before she finally took it down. I was super young and insecure so it did not make me happy to know EVERY guy i knew had seen that. Needless to say she was (and still is) one of my best friends. I just don’t get people

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