Reply To: Am I wrong for expecting my partner to pay me

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February 3, 2023 at 12:44 pm #1118565

No, you are not wrong at all. When someone raises two of your kids, usually there is a natural desire to want to support them. “Splitting equally” is a foolish way to approach a situation where one person is taking on a role that benefits the whole family unit.
I would be enraged personally and I feel enraged for you.
Not only that but, it sounds like you supported him in his up-and-coming rags days, and when he got something for himself in his “riches days”, he didn’t share it at all.
That is also really 100 percent not okay.
Partners share money because they have a common goal-to love one another and support each other in raising their children. For this reason, money-sharing between partners is not as awkward as sharing between friends, strangers, or relatives. I’m hearing a sunk-cost dilemma on his part-

You were willing to risk your financial well-being for him when he needed it. In a sense, you invested in him and the relationship. It was an investment that worked out for him because he became more successful. It did not, however, work out for you because he did not see you as a “wise investment” it seems. He may feel that if he gives you money, he is “losing it”. When people feel that giving money to something is “losing it” rather than gaining it, they have a lack of faith for some reason in that situation or person. Also, I hate when the masculine person in the relationship pulls the “it’s safer with me” card. It wasn’t safer with him when you had to pay off all his debts, so why is it safer with him now?
I would as others have said be extremely persistent with the downpayment he has stowed away. I would talk about it every day until his ears ring with the sound of your voice and issue about why he feels you don’t deserve to be supported as the mother of his children is handled.
It’s giving “selfish” right now.