Reply To: “Problem with Boyfriend Being Friends with His Exes”

There’s a lot going on here. Yes, you’re being unreasonable (and wrong, and overreacting, and controlling) to expect him to tell every woman who contacts him that he has a girlfriend and to stop contacting him. Or to expect him to never have any contact with exes. He’s actually doing the right thing by just ignoring random texts.

But the other issue is that he’s hiding stuff from you. He’s responding to your unreasonable requests by just hiding his communications with exes. Meanwhile I think he’s stoking your jealousy by telling you things you don’t need to know, like he had sex with the store cashier or had a massive crush on his neighbor. This dynamic is perpetuating a cycle of mistrust that you’re trying to address by letting everyone know he has a girlfriend, and by looking at his phone. But deep down you DON’T trust him, and that’s a really weak foundation for your relationship.

I think this relationship is going to fall apart because the trust just isn’t there. Have you had trust issues in other relationships? What led you to need to look at his phone early on? Did he do something truly inappropriate that started all this?