Yup – this is beyond the help you can get from an advice column or message board.
Speaking as a recovering co-dependent myself, I will say you are severely co-dependent. You are so desperate for this guy’s approval that your life revolves around it. And he seems to be offering you nothing but misery.
You don’t have to live like this. Find therapy and get this guy out of your life. Build a life of your own that doesn’t require approval from anyone else.