There are long waits for care, but you have to call around and advocate for yourself. I’m dealing with someone at work who has serious mental health issues. I cannot make them get help. I can just push the resources towards them and hope to god they access them asap.
If your self esteem is so low you don’t yourself apology people giving you advice of their own free will, you need help. Anyone at this point is going to manipulate or use you. You’re vulnerable. You’re so low, you feel so low it is actually an emergency situation, and I wish you’d treat it as such.
You literally do not know if anything he said to you ever or told you is real, yet you believe it to be biblically written and your lot in life to sacrifice your job? For some you’ve not even met in person, who consistently emotionally abused you.
I hope you’ve deleted the numbers and contacts. Have you? Grow a pair and take some action. You are not helpless. You are as helpless as you tell yourself you are. You can get online and talk to us, you can get help. I say this all with love and concern, not pity or annoyance.take some action. Be the hero of your story, not the victim.