Reply To: Who were the “victims” of my father’s patch back in the 1990s?

It must have been hard not to have your father in your life. I understand the need to idolize him and blame others for taking him away from you. It’s a lot easier than acknowledging that it was his own choices that led to his incarceration and the end of his marriage.

Look, Hunter, as we become adults, we start to see our parents for who they are, people with flaws. And your dad was very flawed. Setting aside the growing and selling weed, you’ve described violence, threats, assault, road rage, and was that intent to murder mixed in there? Even your story about the hair. People do not have the right to cut the hair of a child without their parents’ permission, no matter their relation to the child.

I’m sure your dad loved and loves you, Hunter. That can be true and it can also be true that he is not someone to look up to. Just because someone provokes us does not mean we have to respond badly in turn. Your dad had choices in each situation you described, and he chose to react very badly. We can’t choose how others behave, but we can always choose our reactions.

I hope that you will be able to see that instead of emulating his choices, you should be learning from them.